A Toxic workplace

Was I part of the problem?
Fair question....I did indulge in gossip too.
I started to see some colleagues as possessed. Evil. Their eyes. One in particular. She loved death metal music. A singer/ performer as well. There was absolute venom in her eyes. Like someone out of a horror movie. Dressed in gypsy goth.
I explore this to see my own biases as well. I didnt quite fit in there. By choice perhaps? Yeah I did have a weird arogance about me. Unjustified I know.

I feel drawn to write about this. i havent worked there for almost 6 years. But it has haunted me ever since. How much did the nightmare in my mind match reality? To be a good writer you have to ask questions like that.
I would lose sleep over certain characters I had "demonised". But were they really demonic?
The answer is partly I suggest. But i had blown it up to make them look worse.
Their method of bullying and harassment was sinister ad I recall. One woman had this method. Soften up then mix with backhanded insults. So you left her feeling bashed up but also second guessing yourself because she used charm as well.
Gaslighting was a common strategy too.
This was a psychiatric ward after all. Workers were worse than patients.

Maybe I miss it. Well I certainly miss the money. But maybe I miss the daily and ongoing melodramas. Who hates who. Who screwed up. Who the boss likes most. The brown nosers and the rebels and the ones who just got on with the job. They were few. Most , like me, got distracted by the politics. Maybe the job itself was too pedestrian. Oh but there were dramas there too.

I'm pondering whether or not my current position is pedestrian as I do a lot of walking in the course of a shift. No shortage of drama either. As far as politics is concerned, back in the day I was playing my 'A' game but not so much anymore. Basically, I am just a hamster on the wheel. I don't find this stuff amusing anymore and just want off.

I spent six years either on a ward, or instructing in an occupational therapist capacity. I can guarantee you that most of us there were almost as weird as the most unhinged patient.

well Im glad someone knows what it is like. even our experiences may have differed somewhat. I wasnt a qualified nurse. just a support worker. rank also contributed to the amount of nonsense that went on. people used their power for sure.
I think i expected my colleagues to be mature and helpful. when in fact many were petty and power hungry. and drama queens too of course. If I knew that before I started I may have coped better.

In hindsight now, I try to look at it from a Christian point of view. At the time I was very much a Buddhist and a pretty unmotivated one I might add.
There was certainly an opportunity to bring the light of Jesus Christ to a dark workplace. Now I wish I could have played that role. (giving credit to God of course) Because there are so many sad, dark workplaces that need the Christian light. Bringing sanity to insanity. Ignoring bad behaviour and only focussing on giving love. That love just in the form of focussing on the job at hand. But one challenge was in fact the lack of purpose. Nightshifts especially. People at a loose end. Getting bored. just two workers. shall we chat? what do we have in common? this workplace. and other workers. who annoys you? ahhh theres' an interesting topic... and if I find out who you don't like I can understand the politics better, so play my petty little game better. how sad in reflection but partly unavoidable. we probably needed more tasks to stay awake at night.