So We All Know About Our OWN Quirks - How Good Are We at Putting Up with Someone Else's? Are We Just Too Set in Our Ways?

Hey Everyone,

I found the answers in the first "Quirks" thread to be pretty interesting. I also felt sad that some people seem to believe, or have been made to believe, that their quirks make them unlovable or unacceptable to other people.

But I also couldn't help thinking about the fact that in order to have a relationship, not only would I have to be aware of my own quirks (to be able to explain them to someone else), but I would also have to learn an entirely new set of someone else's quirks and find a way to work around/compromise the two.

I have heard it said that one reason many older singles look for much-younger companions is because they believe a younger person's character/habits are more flexible and malleable. Supposedly, young people are not "set in their ways" like an older person is assumed to be.

How do you feel about this?

I used to think this was somewhat true, but now I tend to disagree. I was only more compromising when I was younger because I didn't know any better and didn't know how to express what I was really feeling. These days, I know a lot better as to why I react to certain things and have a better idea of what I can and cannot be flexible about. When I was younger, I would let things build up until I just seemingly exploded for no reason, which caught people off guard. Now I try to take the time to figure out WHY I feel the way I do and to EXPLAIN it to those around me in a (hopefully) much calmer manner.

How about the rest of you? You know your own quirks, so:

1. How much of your quirkiness is set in stone? How much could be changed? How much could be changed, but you just don't want to change it?

2. Just as you have your own list of things that can and can't be changed, how would you (or do you) adjust to someone else's list of quirks, especially the "unchangeables"?

3. Where is the line between, "This is me, I can't/won't change," and, "I can/will try to change/make sacrifices for the sake of another person"?

I'm not just thinking of romantic relationships, but also everyday relationships as well. I've lived with people I loved dearly but had extremely long lists of quirks, so although I know I can adjust to just about anything, I also know that if it goes too far or for too long, I will feel like I'm living in a prison and will fall into a deep despair.

The Bible talks about us serving one another.

But how are we able to take care of ourselves, and yet sacrifice our own quirks in the interest of serving others?

I find quirks cute. I see them in an endearing way. People have things that just “is it” for them and you have to respect that. It’s admirable in a way because they know who they are.

I find myself in a place of needing to be confident in who I am. Like me, for me. Liking who God has created me to be. To have peace in the mirror, not disdain, but admiration if not at least contentment.

If quirks become a hindrance to love, we ought to lay them down. There are things done within reason, but what if our quirk is selfish? We ought to do all things in love. Maybe we don’t see the selfishness of our quirk until it is exposed by reason of indifference? This is not of love, or of unity. I think of the verse that says to seek peace with all men.

Ben,

This is a beautiful, well-thought-out response. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this.

You have me thinking about a lot of my own quirks, and the fact that I need to ask God to change/eliminate the ones that hindering me from the ways in which He's calling me to help others.

Wonderful post.

i cant stand a partner who comes home and immediately unloads about their "awful" workplace and their "tyrannical" boss.
(oops ...... self-description)

Some of my habits I'd probably be willing to alter for someone else, especially those that I know need improvement. And I could also see appreciating the introduction of a whole lot of "hmmm I never thought of it that way" moments that another person in close proximity would bring. But I also think of my quirks as so unconscious or so deeply set in me that I'm not sure I could change them all that much, even if I wanted to. So planned spontaneity is about as much of a compromise as my love of planning is willing to make. Strange how so many things you grow up with or that your family does just one way seem to be the only right way to do things.

Beats me. I'd have to play it by ear. Both of us would have to be willing to mention things that irritate us, and be willing to change things that irritate each other. Both of us would have to be able to look at a LOT of situations objectively. It would probably take a lot of time and some talking to settle everything out. Might even take some agreeing to leave some topics until we can think about them a bit more and come back to the conversation with some answers.

In other words, I have no idea what the answer is to any of the questions posted in the OP. All I know is it would take talking and flexibility.

I do know that a good set of earbuds is a life saver, both for enjoying music without bugging others and for screening out sounds that irritate. I mean GOOD earbuds, the kind that have earplug-grade foam for tips. They can pipe music in the ears AND block external noise.

I dont know if you can change your quirks cos they are what make you unique?

dictionary says they are a 'peculiar habit' although the Bible does say Gods people are a 'peculiar people' so...not sure if theres anything really wrong with the quirks people have shared. They just make you out of the ordinary. If we didnt have quirks, we would possibly be boring.

Loving somene means accepting their quirks and even appreciating them.

Im always willing to try and change things that NEED to be changed. Im a work in progress and always will be.

I feel like its not too hard to accept others quirks. If it is something that really really bugs me, Id hope we would both be mature enough to talk about it and work through it.

While I agree with your thought in general, on the same token, loving someone means also changing yourself, including your quirks, in consideration of others. Personally I don't identify my uniqueness based on my quirks but rather by the bond and relationship I have with Christ as a believer, living daily to become more Christ-like by intimately connected to Him.

God does love me and accept me for who I am, even with all my quirks and whatnot, but that doesn't mean He's simply going to accept and appreciate every one of my quirks if they need to be changed in His view. Also, insisting that if you love me then you need to accept and appreciate all my quirks can sometimes be selfish if they are the types that burden and being inconsiderate to others.

Let it go by James Bay

So come on, let it go
Just let it be
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?
Everything that's broke
Leave it to the breeze
Why don't you be you
And I'll be me?
And I'll be me


Because if you force someone to change. This will happen:

I used to recognize myself
It's funny how reflections change
When we're becoming something else
I think it's time to walk away

I dont see quirks as being inconsiderate to others.
maybe you are thinking of something else.

Im not going to try and change someone else. if they want to change its would be because they are willing and want to change not because of me! your example is actually more selfish. Nobody INSISTS on being loved dont know where you got that from. Love doesnt insist. Love chooses.

noobdys quirks are sinful that I can see they are just peculiar habits. maybe you dont expect them but who said people have to always be 'normal' according to whom?

we are not talking about drug use or addictions here. Sorry but that is not a quirk.
all of Jesus disciples had quirks and he would name them according to their quirks. John the baptist, cos he was always baptising people...the sons of thunder cos they were loud...we know Martha liked a clean home and Mary was more studious. These are qualities that made them unique they were all different people. Barnabas was known as an encourager.

Even the prophets had their quirks like the one who walked around naked. or David dancing in the street cos he was so full of joy.

It's MY job to bring song quotes to the thread. MINE, MINE, MINE!!!


(But yeah, thanks. You did a better job than I could have, because I don't know those songs.)


I do think it depends on whether what we are becoming is better or worse than what we were. And that depends on who is evaluating whether it is better or worse.

Seriously? I thought you were the famous CC music nerd? How come you don't know James Bay songs? I even know, I'm from the other side of the world. Have you heard hold back the river?

Wait there are songs Lynx doesn't know !? I don't know how to cope with this revelation.

I'm the Christian music and anything-I-heard-once-on-somebody's-radio nerd. I've never heard that playing on somebody's radio.

But then... I've never heard some of Matthew West's best songs (imo) playing on the radio either. People really need to get whole albums. They are missing out, just listening to K-Love's repeating repeating repeating repeating repeating playlist all day.

One more scathing comment out of you, young lady, and we're going to reenact the Boston Tea Party with your collection.

Really doesn't work as well when all the tea bags are foil wrapped.

Shake them out behind a fan, with the guard off, and the fan blades will do the rest.

You don't do bulk tea at all? Only tea bags?