So We All Know About Our OWN Quirks - How Good Are We at Putting Up with Someone Else's? Are We Just Too Set in Our Ways?

Why do I get the feeling that Lynx is asking Cinder about her tea packaging preferences as a reconnaissance mission and not just to be friendly... 🙄

Taking a wild guess here... because you're a hopeless matchmaker who really needs a hobby?

Also, anybody THAT into tea should be doing at least SOME of it bulk. Cheaper by the pound. Also you decide how much tea leaves to brew up, not some factory that made the tea bag.

I'm into convenience and that is the great advantage of tea bags, so while I have the ability to do loose leaf tea it isn't my preference.

And here I thought she was inserting commentary because she likes adding fuel to the fire. And we both know that either of us individually is enough to frustrate even the most determined matchmaker. I mean I think I even finally convinced my hopeless romantic of a mother that I'm just not that interested in romance and she doesn't bother me about it anymore.

Ten-four on convenience.

And HOW did you get an inveterate matchmaker to relent?

There you go again with your highfalutin words. I had to use google, since English is not my primary language. I think the better word for Seoulsearch is hard-core/pathological/incorrigible match maker. I just love the English language.

Wait, what? Inveterate? That's not esoteric at all. Everybody knows inveterate.

If I were trying to be obscure I would use much more jejune garrulity and thrasonical bombast in my rhodomotade expatiations.

You are so mean. Salbahe ka talaga.

I really am not!

I am too set in my ways, soooo ,I'm content to remain single!

I'm not into trying to change the ways of others,neither do I want someone to try and change me!

I am happy where the Lord has me!
I'm free to study,pray go when I feel moved,and just bask in Him without encumberances !

Lol besides I'm too old to want to change!

is seoulsearch trying to matchmake people on here? I had no idea we were being conned I mean matched.

why not just start a thread called 'who do you like the most on CC singles'. I mean isnt the direct aprroach the best approach lol.

then start another one called 'propose to someone on here thread'

Looks like I need to do some serious clarification here, so this is going to be a lengthy post. If you ever have questions about my intentions, feel free to ask. Ironically, I consider myself a private person, but I'll always give a straight-up answer to a straight-up question.

No, Seoulsearch is not a matchmaker, nor is she trying to set people up. The Singles Forum has actually had a few matchmaker threads in the past (that, ironically, I was not the one to start) and they were hugely popular, but also came with a lot of problems (which is what prevents me from trying to come up with my own matchmaker thread -- for now.)

Common problems with matchmaker threads that I've seen over the years have been: people get offended for a myriad of reasons, such as, they don't like who they were matched with (and so request/demand to be matched with someone or someone's else); they don't want to be matched at all (which is understandable; we'd have to ask who did and didn't want to participate); some people who were matched up DID start talking to each other because they kind of felt like, "Hey, at least it's SOMEONE," but then were disappointed when it didn't lead to anything; some people were "matched" but already had significant others (this was not on purpose -- those who suggested the match didn't know they were attached.)

I have been single for a long time now, and people often ask me how I survive. My only answer is God, family, and friends. They are the ones who keep me going -- and some of the best friends I've made have been right here on CC.

When I first came to this site in 2009, I had about hit rock bottom in my life and thought of suicide on a regular basis for many years.

I see a lot of people here whom I can relate to very well, because at some point I've felt exactly the way they feel: bitter, invisible, replaced, misunderstood, lost, and most of all, lonely. It took a long, long time to change some of that (and these are still things I have to talk to God about on a daily basis), but bit by bit (over many years), I met and became friends with people right here on this site, and they have made a world of difference in my life, and I love them dearly for that.

I know many people here are hurt and disillusioned by the world, or a certain gender, or a certain group, or whatever it may be -- but for me, this site has helped me meet people, wonderful, God-fearing people, who were patient with me and helped me through some of the negative things I was feeling or going through, and I will be forever grateful, and it changed my outlook on others, and on life.

So yes, if I see people who appear to have things in common, or who talk well with each other in the threads, even if they haven't officially "met" through PM, I am very likely to gently (or not so gently, with people I'm close with ) suggest that they might try talking to each other.

I'm not pushing for romance, marriage, or family -- and of course, if it were God's will, that would be great -- and I'm not trying to force anyone to talk to someone. But what I AM thinking about is how some of the people I started talking to became good friends who keep me afloat and enrich my life, so I can't help but want to help others make those connections with others for themselves if I can.

When you're on to something good, it makes you want to share, and I'm thankful for all the great connections I've found on this site.

However, for anyone who doesn't want me suggesting someone they might become good friends with, no problem, I won't say anything.

I've known Lynx and Cinder for years and, on separate occasions, have met each of them in person, so... When you know someone who's awesome, the natural thing to do is to try to introduce them to your other friends.

Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day wondering which one of us is the awesome one, or at least I find some justification to believe you're calling me awesome.


RGF (resting grouch face), playing dumb (even better when I'm not playacting and just take that long to realize someone is trying to matchmake), and a good dose of cinder bluntness and snark.

People should pity my mother, she has a daughter that's just like her husband.

Well she took a cruise with you, and she took a road trip with me, and I heard her say "That's just what cinder would say" a LOT, so... guess which one she thinks is awesome. I haven't one time heard her say "That's just what Lynxus would say."

Now that's interesting because she kept telling me that that was just like something that Lynx would say but I never once heard her compare me to cinder. And we bonded over the idea of buffer days and second dinner (because if you don't want to go broke or get drunk, eating is pretty much what you do on a cruise).

Second dinner...

Erma Bombeck said when she took a cruise there was one lady who had the motto "You're paying through the nose for this, so you might as well eat it!" When they asked if she wanted the 7pm or 9pm dinner reservation, she said, "Yes."

She never compared me to Lynx either, but neither did I hear her comparing anybody else to me. In my previous post I never said anything about her not comparing me to Lynx.

A vulnerable question, but what would be an example of one of your quirks that you feel is hindering you from helping others?

Hi Ben!

Thanks for taking the time to ask such insightful questions.

The first thing that came to mind when I read your post is my extreme introvertedness. I never even really paid attention to the terms "introvert" or "extrovert" because I didn't really think either one fit me.

These days (and you'll see me saying this often), I like to say that I'm an introvert who can masquerade as an extrovert when needed. Even close friends try to tell me I'm an extrovert, and it saddens me that I can't seem to get them to understand.

My social energy comes and goes in short bursts. People have told me I seem bubbly and outgoing but what they don't see is that it takes me weeks, and often months of seclusion to build up enough energy for even a few days around highly outgoing or talkative people. It's not that I don't love the people or don't love being around them -- it's just that for some reason, in order to be around people, I need the paradox of having large amounts of time alone or with people who understand. If I'm in "recovery mode" it's all I can do just to keep up with work and normal adult responsibilities.

This greatly hinders my participation in the things I used to do. A long time ago, I was signed up for some kind of class, service, or group at church several times a week. But it was way too much and I didn't realize how badly I was burning out.

These days, along with regular church services, etc., I might attend a group event once a month, then wonder why I even went, and because of that, I am always asking God if I'm doing enough, or if I'm just being lazy.

How about you, Ben?

What kinds of quirks do you think might prevent you from being there for people as much as you'd like?

aw you dont really need to explain yourself on here seoulsearch we love you just as you are, certainly God does, everyones a work in progress.

There is such a thing as being too social, just because one doest win the popularity contest doesnt mean God loves you any less. There are actually dangers in being too social, just look at the party scene or Hollywood to see fame and popularity and always being around people is not all good.

lonliness is something many of us sometimes feel and there are ways to deal with it but the best way is to know that God will never leave you nor forsake you. He will send you friends you just need to ask Him. I have made many good friends through church and on christian sites and do one day may get to meet some face to face, although of all the online friends mostly from the US I just recall meeting one because not many people actually visit NZ.

Ive probably met more people through trademe when I go to pick up stuff or neighbourly or wwoofing websites than I have through forums though. what you need to do is just organise a party or maybe advertise a christian conference or concert and say lets go to this, and all meet there. It would probably be safer than just meeting one on one because that way if you dont gel with one person there will be others around who you might click with. And its not like you have to be a church member to go.

This may sound bad but because I don’t have finances at this time, in church, I find myself not trying to make friends. Maybe it’s a bad perspective (as I’ve been told) but I feel that because I can’t treat people or bless them in some way, I am ill equipped to cultivate friendships.

Often times I may be sitting in the center of the room all alone as people are chattering all around me. There is the kind soul that says hello every once in awhile and some may even sit and talk but usually I am solo. That’s changing as sometimes people just decide to sit with me.

It’s not that I don’t like people, I love them but it’s hard to make friends when you feel like you are hiding something (shame).

It’s a little sad that in a church of 2000 I feel like I have acquaintances as opposed to friends. But I am to blame for that... Not saying I have NO friends, but that friendship is in the church and doesn’t go beyond its walls.

People are busy, living life. And I don’t have the means of being the person to reach out, invite them to lunch or whatever.

Again, this has been my experience (early on) but seems to be changing in part.