A vision for my Singleness (addressing fellow singles and the non-single married people)

As I get older being single gets harder, wondering if its to late to meet someone. I have prayed and ask God, I know with him in control of my life, Its never to late to meet that right person in my life.

Thank you for the encouraging post! Luckily, my family doesn't put me under scrutiny for being single. Phew! I also don't allow the holidays to get me depressed wishing I had someone to love and be loved. It's Jesus' birthday and so glad I get another year to celebrate His birth and the reason why God sent His son. Of course, it would be nice to be kissed under the mistletoe and have someone to cuddle watching Hallmark Christmas movies, but trusting in Jesus is my source of strength. He is in control!

I'll be honest and say going to church alone is not the most comfortable thing I do. Of course, we go to church to learn about His word and worship God so that is my focus. I see all the couples and think, wow wouldn't it be nice to be in their shoes. You're right, there is not much for the 30 to ? year old singles. There is a identity crisis with this age group and I think more churches need to cater to this. The only thing that comes to mind that would be a quality solution is a singles small group. I know some churches do have singles small groups for older people other than college age, but they are very hard to find. They can form fun group events for more quality time to get to know fellow singles.

You are right, Jesus was single. That does give us some comfort and peace knowing being single is ok! I also know when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing. The best thing to do is worship Him while we wait. I focus on the peace that passes understanding every day to carry me through singleness. Stop chasing a relationship out of loneliness is great advice, as I did that once and will never do that again . Fruits of the spirit and having total peace from God is what we should look for.

We do have so much more time being single. Using this time to improve ourselves and storing treasure in heaven is what we should be doing with our extra time. As a introvert, I embrace more alone time lol but also need to be in tune to what God has in store for us.

I agree... embrace our singleness and find out what God wants us to do with our extra time. The joy of the Lord is our strength... bask in His presence to fulfill loneliness until if or when He blesses us with a future spouse. 2020 is a great year to start

As I get older being single gets harder, wondering if its to late to meet someone. I have prayed and ask God, I know with him in control of my life, Its never to late to meet that right person in my life.

Hello again Heart_Melody and very nice to meet you as well,

First, I don't know if I would call it contentment, for as I am sure that you know, being single yourself, that there are times when we miss and desire to have that special relationship of marriage with all of its spiritual, emotional and physical comforts and benefits. And Just like with everything, there are always the pros and cons.

I will share with you and the other readers my reasons for being single. I'll try not to make it too long .

I came to believe in the Lord when I was about 14 and was eager to learn all that I could. For years I studied and prayed regularly. I would share Christ whenever the opportunity arose in conversation and share what I had learned. But there was something that was always interfering with my life in Christ, which was sexual immorality. I'd go through relationship after relationship, being sexually immoral in all of them. No matter how I tried, confessed or prayed, I could never seem to get it out of my life.

This went on for many years during my life as a Christian, but I never could seem to break away from it completely, even though I continued to pray and ask for forgiveness. And because I was in Christ, I had two natures, the old sinful nature and the new man in Christ. And because of this, I could not live happily in that state. What's more, that life style leads to doing the rest of the acts of the sinful nature, partying, drugs, drunkenness and everything else relating to the sinful nature. I was never happy and I got to a point where I didn't have any strength to fight against it and just went along like that for many years. However, I knew that continuing to willfully live in the sinful nature would lead to death.

At one point in my life and thanks be to God, I just could not live that way any longer, because the struggle between those two natures was tearing me up inside. I wanted to be free from sexual immorality once and for all, as well as everything that was attached to it. So I was determined to get it out of my life. I prayed to God saying that this was either going to lead me death or that He was going to help me to overcome it.

So, from that point on, the battle line was drawn. I removed everything from my life that would be a temptation for sexual immorality, no dating, no girlfriends, etc., etc. From that time forward I was always on my guard, because I was serious about being free of it and not letting it continue in my life. And I believe that because God saw that I was serious about it, that He rescued me from it, helping me to overcome it. It was a hard battle because of my own desires and because the powers of darkness want us to remain living sexually immoral lives. I think that this is probably one of the most controlling and troublesome sins for most Christians. Many of them even reason with themselves saying, "oh, it's ok, we are eventually going to get married, so its ok if we sleep together," or something to that affect.

From that time and as the years went by, I just decided to remain single and stay celibate. I didn't have the desire to date or get romantically involved, which is where I am today.

I'm just waiting for the Lord's promise to come and take His church back to the Father's house to those places that He went to prepare for us (John 14:1-3), or to die and my depart and go immediately to be in the presence of the Lord waiting for the resurrection (2 Corinthians 5:6 and Philippians 1:21-23) . I'd prefer to be alive, changed and caught up, but it's not my decision

My main reason was and is to live a life that is glorifying and pleasing to God by honoring Him with my body, which as Paul wrote, "is our reasonable act of worship."

"Therefore I urge you, brothers, on account of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, which is your spiritual service of worship." - Romans 12:1

So, there you have it.

- Don

Never too late and don’t give up on Gods promises for us! He will give us the desires of our hearts in His timing when He sees us ready.

Thanks for Sharing Brother Von!
I agree with Mike - it's not too late! Don't give up hope but also look for Jesus coming too - our marriage supper might be in heaven first.

Thanks for the post, and the advice, God Bless

Brother MIke!
Thank you soso much for your reply - and participation in the thread.
You added so much value to it with your own thoughts, to me at least. I see what you are saying. Look for the other singles and see if they have a group like this. Thankfully in my new church I feel a purpose - but I can't say I have found a group of people in my situation. But it's okay because I trust 100 procent that God has me here for his purpose and I am thrilled to learn and serve.

This year for 2020 I want to be very disciplined about interceding and praying and keeping prayer journal... I actually got a Daily planner which I want to use for the prayers so I can hopefully cultivate a habit of revisiting my prayers weekly and monthly to keep track of those that get answered.

Also I've been forever working on some books that need publishing and writing. And I am not very disciplined at working on them consistently. So Hopefully this coming year I can finish them too...

But 2019 was an amazing amazing year for me in so many ways - lets say a year ago I could have never guessed to be where I am now.
And I hope to grow closer to Papa daily myself.

God bless you! Lets be friends ok?

Sounds good! Bible says to uplift and encourage each other and I’m always up for being friends to my brothers and sisters in Christ who want to seek Him first.

Sometimes all it takes is a seed to get a singles group started. Speak up to a small group leader and Pastoral staff and see if someone is willing to lead one. What are we capable of and what is our calling at our church? What spiritual gifts can we give to help others?

That’s a great idea to keep a daily prayer journal. I think it would be great to have at least one goal for each category of spiritual, mental, and physical. I want to have some Jesus and me time each morning, just got to figure out what. I think of the verse this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. We should rejoice and be thankful God gave us life each day! The joy of the Lord is our strength. Maybe I’ll look for a small devotional for every day of the year. Something like Jesus Calling... any suggestions?

2019 was my 2-14 year. I look to rebound in 2020 and make it undefeated or close to it!

Anyone have suggestions for the new year? Goals? Resolutions? I should start a new post with this...

This looks good...

Jesus Calling Morning and Evening Devotional https://www.amazon.com/dp/0718040155/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_QETbEbAD45PZH

I will definitely keep that in mind!

And when it comes to some devotionals I love - here are a few.

My utmost for His highest - by Osawald Chambers (I did this one while being a missionary about 5 years in a row...
Morning and Evening Devotional - by Charles Spurgeon
Streams in the Desert - its by a lady... Cowman or something like that... Its a collective of her own writings and quotes and poems of others to create an amazing and uplifting experience.

I feel like I need a physical goal myself too - I have no affordable Gym around and I need to do more outside to be honest.
I wonder if I should start running or something. I really want to get stronger.

And perhaps I should also learn to be better to myself - Kinder towards myself in mind and spirit. What do you think?

Hello again Heart_Melody and very nice to meet you as well,

First, I don't know if I would call it contentment, for as I am sure that you know, being single yourself, that there are times when we miss and desire to have that special relationship of marriage with all of its spiritual, emotional and physical comforts and benefits. And Just like with everything, there are always the pros and cons.

I will share with you and the other readers my reasons for being single. I'll try not to make it too long .

I came to believe in the Lord when I was about 14 and was eager to learn all that I could. For years I studied and prayed regularly. I would share Christ whenever the opportunity arose in conversation and share what I had learned. But there was something that was always interfering with my life in Christ, which was sexual immorality. I'd go through relationship after relationship, being sexually immoral in all of them. No matter how I tried, confessed or prayed, I could never seem to get it out of my life.

This went on for many years during my life as a Christian, but I never could seem to break away from it completely, even though I continued to pray and ask for forgiveness. And because I was in Christ, I had two natures, the old sinful nature and the new man in Christ. And because of this, I could not live happily in that state. What's more, that life style leads to doing the rest of the acts of the sinful nature, partying, drugs, drunkenness and everything else relating to the sinful nature. I was never happy and I got to a point where I didn't have any strength to fight against it and just went along like that for many years. However, I knew that continuing to willfully live in the sinful nature would lead to death.

At one point in my life and thanks be to God, I just could not live that way any longer, because the struggle between those two natures was tearing me up inside. I wanted to be free from sexual immorality once and for all, as well as everything that was attached to it. So I was determined to get it out of my life. I prayed to God saying that this was either going to lead me death or that He was going to help me to overcome it.

So, from that point on, the battle line was drawn. I removed everything from my life that would be a temptation for sexual immorality, no dating, no girlfriends, etc., etc. From that time forward I was always on my guard, because I was serious about being free of it and not letting it continue in my life. And I believe that because God saw that I was serious about it, that He rescued me from it, helping me to overcome it. It was a hard battle because of my own desires and because the powers of darkness want us to remain living sexually immoral lives. I think that this is probably one of the most controlling and troublesome sins for most Christians. Many of them even reason with themselves saying, "oh, it's ok, we are eventually going to get married, so its ok if we sleep together," or something to that affect.

From that time and as the years went by, I just decided to remain single and stay celibate. I didn't have the desire to date or get romantically involved, which is where I am today.

I'm just waiting for the Lord's promise to come and take His church back to the Father's house to those places that He went to prepare for us (John 14:1-3), or to die and my depart and go immediately to be in the presence of the Lord waiting for the resurrection (2 Corinthians 5:6 and Philippians 1:21-23) . I'd prefer to be alive, changed and caught up, but it's not my decision

My main reason was and is to live a life that is glorifying and pleasing to God by honoring Him with my body, which as Paul wrote, "is our reasonable act of worship."

"Therefore I urge you, brothers, on account of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, which is your spiritual service of worship." - Romans 12:1

So, there you have it.

- Don

Sounds good! Bible says to uplift and encourage each other and I’m always up for being friends to my brothers and sisters in Christ who want to seek Him first.

Sometimes all it takes is a seed to get a singles group started. Speak up to a small group leader and Pastoral staff and see if someone is willing to lead one. What are we capable of and what is our calling at our church? What spiritual gifts can we give to help others?

That’s a great idea to keep a daily prayer journal. I think it would be great to have at least one goal for each category of spiritual, mental, and physical. I want to have some Jesus and me time each morning, just got to figure out what. I think of the verse this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. We should rejoice and be thankful God gave us life each day! The joy of the Lord is our strength. Maybe I’ll look for a small devotional for every day of the year. Something like Jesus Calling... any suggestions?

2019 was my 2-14 year. I look to rebound in 2020 and make it undefeated or close to it!

Anyone have suggestions for the new year? Goals? Resolutions? I should start a new post with this...

May I ask a question Don?
When you were younger, and you stumbled as you did, would you have considered that marrying a Christian woman was a Biblical solution, in accordance with the scripture that says it is better to marry than to burn with desire?
Best regards
Butterflyyy

May I ask a question Don?
When you were younger, and you stumbled as you did, would you have considered that marrying a Christian woman was a Biblical solution, in accordance with the scripture that says it is better to marry than to burn with desire?
Best regards
Butterflyyy

Hello Butterflyyy,

Yes, I did. In fact, I asked several different women in my life to marry, but it never got to that point. It always ended up being sex before marriage, which lead to other problems. As I said, it was a major problem. And after years of it, my goal was first to be free from it and get right with God, which is why I removed all related temptations from my life. It was that on-going dating and looking for a wife that kept me in that state. Another problem was that, I never felt comfortable with the idea of marriage, as it made me feel (for a lack of a better word), hemmed in, unfree. So, the only right thing to do was to cut myself off from it completely and stop looking. I figured that if it was God's will for me to be married, then it would happen. After that and as the years have gone by, I felt that I was just one of those who was not meant to be married.

I believe as Jesus said each has their proper gift, some people have the gift to be married and others the gift to remain single. Once God helped me to overcome this, I made the decision to remain single to be completely available for whatever the Lord had for me to do. I have learned to live with those times of loneliness and feel more comfortable being single.

Blessings in Christ!

Thank you very much for replying so honestly and openly.

God bless🙂

And thank you for your understanding. I only hope that others reading this behind the scenes who are going through the same situation (and I'm sure there are many), that the Spirit would convict them into action to do whatever they need to in order to resolve the sexual immorality in their lives. For it is definitely a problem. In fact, within the letters to the seven churches in Revelation, the churches are rebuked three times regarding sexual immorality.

These and other sins are what we believers are to overcome, which is repeated at the end of each letter with the words "he who overcomes" with a promise for those who do. If we reverse it for those who don't overcome, then reverse the promise and attach the consequences.

Today, we do not eat foods sacrificed to idols, but the sexual immorality is still rampant, even within the church.