A vision for my Singleness (addressing fellow singles and the non-single married people)

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H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#1
A vision for my Singleness

Dear sisters and brothers,
I hope you spent a lovely Christmas - even as the single sister - single uncle, daughter or son which hasn't been hitched yet :) I hope you are standing your ground under the scrutiny of all the old grannies and aunties and the cheek tweaks and awkward smiles and "thanks for that aunt Matilda" s. I know it isn't easy to be single when you desire a spouse, especially during this time of year - Honestly! All I want is a sweetheart to kiss at midnight on New Years while toasting the new year (with something sparkly!).

So I thought I would post a thought or two about our Season in life and ask that we all be patient and trust God's process and to ask those which have passed over this season to not leave us behind.



"It is so true that in today’s church culture - especially may I add for the ones in the so called “Bible Belt”- that being single is viewed as something to be despised and frowned upon. We are “abnormal” not “fully grown” parts of an adult culture, where being married and having a family is being idolized to the max.

This is leaving a deep identity crisis for many of my age (if you don’t know, I will be 33 in July “Woop….”) and deepens our sense of loneliness to the max. Where is there a place for us - middle aged single people? Should we go to the young adults ministries where issues are being handled that rarely pertain to our own situation? Where 18-24 year old's look at us as weird “Old wanna be young” people? We are not stranded Beach Whales. We are single. Not lepers.

But there is the single college ministries and then we hop into the married couple ministries. The mother or expecting mother ministries. The children’s ministries. The old People ministries and prayer groups where people of this category are seen as freaks as well and I get a sense of “Oh I wonder how long she will hang in there”.

Really? Because we seem to forget that our Saviour, blessed and holy Jesus himself was indeed SINGLE! And in his ministry he was in his thirties! He was happy, not chasing this idol called marriage. Or relationship. He was fulfilled by the ministry his Father had for him, his relationship which was perfect with Holy Spirit and Father God AND his disciple and the people he knew on a horizontal level here on earth.

YOUNG SINGLE PEOPLE - Stop chasing a relationship with a person out of loneliness. There is probably nothing worse than to be lonely in a marriage you fell into out of desperation to escape loneliness and now you feel trapped because you are also not meant to be divorced. And I mean who wants to be that person at 24? WAIT for the Lord but don’t be discouraged or even depressed.

Jesus and Paul had so much to say to single people. We are the enviable ones. The ones that can focus their entire lives on serving Jesus, being used by Him for His amazing works. Getting to know him more deeply than our fellow sisters and brothers in marriages might never be able to. But if we keep running and hiding from the truth that SINGLENESS isn’t a curse…. It’s a tremendous blessing in fact…. Then we will never be fulfilled in our season of life.

The only events we see celebrated is Engagements, Marriages, Baby announcements, Births and all this stuff - because having a family seems to be what people expect us all to submit to. All of which - when we scroll through Instagram - makes us feel even more abnormal and lonely. Well perhaps just take a Sabbatical from the whole social media thing. To reconnect to God’s heart for you - that he doesn’t view you as a freak for being single but wants you to reach out to HIM in the midst of it more than ever.

I am going to attach a Sermon from Bridgetown Church on singleness to this post - and if you are not single or if you are single - please listen to it. Because the single people in your communities need to have the church as a family come around us too - we are part of your family and we can do more than you can - give us a part in your churches. Because we have TIME! GOSH TIME IS ALL WE HAVE! We don’t have children that depend on us every minute of every day so REACH OUT and let us take part in the ministries of our churches. We are not incapable and not dysfunctional in our singleness. Please stop looking on us as if we need to reach a different stage in life to be acceptable members of our family - we aren’t the freaky weird aunt or uncle. We are in the prime of our lives - just like you - and we want to be taken seriously.

Help us to be able to embrace the gift of Singleness - whether it is for life or for a Season.

Yours in love -
All Single Christians"

Sermon Link:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BNwqdht2Uxna209FlY57f
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,399
1,080
113
#2
Welcome back, Heart_Melody! Good to see ya 'round here again! :D
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#3
Welcome back, Heart_Melody! Good to see ya 'round here again! :D
Hello Again NMBH :) mhm I am back at it - it's been a long time, hasn't it.
I feel like I just emerged from Murkwood in some ways. (like a whole 32 years of it...) lol :p
I hope all is well with you!!
 

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,399
1,080
113
#4
Hello Again NMBH :) mhm I am back at it - it's been a long time, hasn't it.
I feel like I just emerged from Murkwood in some ways. (like a whole 32 years of it...) lol :p
I hope all is well with you!!
I'm doing well, thank you! ;)
 

KhedetOrthos

Active member
Dec 13, 2019
284
158
43
#5
I appreciate the pep talk but this is sort of like trying to be glad that the 2-14 season got you the first draft pick...
 

TheIndianGirl

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2019
1,157
809
113
#6
I go to a church downtown in my city, and while most of the church is coupled/married, there are still a lot of singles (whether, single young, middle aged, or elderly). I went to a church in the suburbs briefly and it was very family oriented, that I felt out of place. My pastor is also a single woman, and she uplifts singles in her sermons once in a while. We are a Baptist church (not Southern Baptist). There is definitely the vibe/feeling that singles are equally valued in the church, as humans, etc. as married people at my church. I feel more pity for being single from coworkers and friends than from church.
 

17Bees

Senior Member
Oct 14, 2016
1,074
633
113
#7
Honestly Heart, I think your "singleness concerns" fall secondary to your abilities to express your thoughts in coherent and explicit form. You have a real gift for prose - and that brings up something I often think about. Could it maybe be that when we do the things we love that we meet the one we love? That sharing a love of a thing fosters a love of a life?

Beats hunting. Or waiting, I guess.
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#8
I appreciate the pep talk but this is sort of like trying to be glad that the 2-14 season got you the first draft pick...
is that a football reference? I don't know anything about football - can you explain? XD
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#9
I go to a church downtown in my city, and while most of the church is coupled/married, there are still a lot of singles (whether, single young, middle aged, or elderly). I went to a church in the suburbs briefly and it was very family oriented, that I felt out of place. My pastor is also a single woman, and she uplifts singles in her sermons once in a while. We are a Baptist church (not Southern Baptist). There is definitely the vibe/feeling that singles are equally valued in the church, as humans, etc. as married people at my church. I feel more pity for being single from coworkers and friends than from church.

I am honestly so happy to hear that! I think this needs to be the case and it's nice when a pastor is aware of this group of people.
I can't say I have ever been in a church like this - although I did plant a church (well I only helped launch the church during one summer) In downtown Portland, OR and it was very young and modern and encouraging there. But then I went right back home ;)
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#10
Honestly Heart, I think your "singleness concerns" fall secondary to your abilities to express your thoughts in coherent and explicit form. You have a real gift for prose - and that brings up something I often think about. Could it maybe be that when we do the things we love that we meet the one we love? That sharing a love of a thing fosters a love of a life?

Beats hunting. Or waiting, I guess.

Oh... Thank you so much for the encouragement.
I like to write and I am in the process of writing a book and a children's book as well actually. Maybe I could meet someone through this - either way I absolutely agree.

Since i had a season of being stagnant I am not surprised that I did not meet anyone that I would consider marrying and I was not at that pint "marriage material" either.

But when I run the race set before me at my best and I have my eyes on Jesus and a fellow happens to run next to me and we are running in the same direction and for the same purpose and in the same passion and love -then I believe that could be a very blessed union.

So hopefully now that I feel more at peace with myself and loving myself more too, there will be room for another person in my life.

thanks for reading and stopping to drop a line for me
You're the Bees Knees ;)
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
11,161
4,019
113
#11
Yea for singles
Everyone likes singles better than albums. Confess it you just do. Albums always have fillers and that annoying song that just goes on for too long you want to skip.
 

Ahwatukee

Senior Member
Mar 12, 2015
10,647
2,122
113
#12
A vision for my Singleness

Dear sisters and brothers,
I hope you spent a lovely Christmas - even as the single sister - single uncle, daughter or son which hasn't been hitched yet :) I hope you are standing your ground under the scrutiny of all the old grannies and aunties and the cheek tweaks and awkward smiles and "thanks for that aunt Matilda" s. I know it isn't easy to be single when you desire a spouse, especially during this time of year - Honestly! All I want is a sweetheart to kiss at midnight on New Years while toasting the new year (with something sparkly!).

So I thought I would post a thought or two about our Season in life and ask that we all be patient and trust God's process and to ask those which have passed over this season to not leave us behind.



"It is so true that in today’s church culture - especially may I add for the ones in the so called “Bible Belt”- that being single is viewed as something to be despised and frowned upon. We are “abnormal” not “fully grown” parts of an adult culture, where being married and having a family is being idolized to the max.

This is leaving a deep identity crisis for many of my age (if you don’t know, I will be 33 in July “Woop….”) and deepens our sense of loneliness to the max. Where is there a place for us - middle aged single people? Should we go to the young adults ministries where issues are being handled that rarely pertain to our own situation? Where 18-24 year old's look at us as weird “Old wanna be young” people? We are not stranded Beach Whales. We are single. Not lepers.

But there is the single college ministries and then we hop into the married couple ministries. The mother or expecting mother ministries. The children’s ministries. The old People ministries and prayer groups where people of this category are seen as freaks as well and I get a sense of “Oh I wonder how long she will hang in there”.

Really? Because we seem to forget that our Saviour, blessed and holy Jesus himself was indeed SINGLE! And in his ministry he was in his thirties! He was happy, not chasing this idol called marriage. Or relationship. He was fulfilled by the ministry his Father had for him, his relationship which was perfect with Holy Spirit and Father God AND his disciple and the people he knew on a horizontal level here on earth.

YOUNG SINGLE PEOPLE - Stop chasing a relationship with a person out of loneliness. There is probably nothing worse than to be lonely in a marriage you fell into out of desperation to escape loneliness and now you feel trapped because you are also not meant to be divorced. And I mean who wants to be that person at 24? WAIT for the Lord but don’t be discouraged or even depressed.

Jesus and Paul had so much to say to single people. We are the enviable ones. The ones that can focus their entire lives on serving Jesus, being used by Him for His amazing works. Getting to know him more deeply than our fellow sisters and brothers in marriages might never be able to. But if we keep running and hiding from the truth that SINGLENESS isn’t a curse…. It’s a tremendous blessing in fact…. Then we will never be fulfilled in our season of life.

The only events we see celebrated is Engagements, Marriages, Baby announcements, Births and all this stuff - because having a family seems to be what people expect us all to submit to. All of which - when we scroll through Instagram - makes us feel even more abnormal and lonely. Well perhaps just take a Sabbatical from the whole social media thing. To reconnect to God’s heart for you - that he doesn’t view you as a freak for being single but wants you to reach out to HIM in the midst of it more than ever.

I am going to attach a Sermon from Bridgetown Church on singleness to this post - and if you are not single or if you are single - please listen to it. Because the single people in your communities need to have the church as a family come around us too - we are part of your family and we can do more than you can - give us a part in your churches. Because we have TIME! GOSH TIME IS ALL WE HAVE! We don’t have children that depend on us every minute of every day so REACH OUT and let us take part in the ministries of our churches. We are not incapable and not dysfunctional in our singleness. Please stop looking on us as if we need to reach a different stage in life to be acceptable members of our family - we aren’t the freaky weird aunt or uncle. We are in the prime of our lives - just like you - and we want to be taken seriously.

Help us to be able to embrace the gift of Singleness - whether it is for life or for a Season.

Yours in love -
All Single Christians"

Sermon Link:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BNwqdht2Uxna209FlY57f
Greetings Heart_Melody,

Regarding your post, Jesus said the following:

===================================================

The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

I totally agree with you. I'm one of those who chose to live the latter.
 

laughingheart

Senior Member
Sep 21, 2016
1,709
1,654
113
#13
I live in a community with many young families with their hordes of children. When I started at my church I was the only single woman, actually person there. I went because I valued the pastor's attitude and preaching (so many stories I could tell about his humility and service). I also had friends who attended. At first it was lonely. I felt awkward, but I believe that God put on my heart to stay. If I left then the next person to arrive would be alone. Someone had to be the first. He also put on my heart to be the one to reach out and make friends. There are a lot of lonely married women who desperately need someone to see them and make the first move. Before long, as I met other single women who felt left out, they started attending and I was able to to play friendship match making and we became a small group of never married, divorced and widowed women. Our focus is growth in Christ and friendship. We are not a support group. We don't need it. Being single is not an affliction. We look out for each other, share what we have (if I find 20 lbs. of onions for $3 then I ask who wants some and we share. If someone else has an apple tree and it is time for picking, we all share), if someone needs to go to the hospital then they don't have to go alone. We are all part of the church. We need to take the action when we find something lacking. We have the responsibility to serve rather than wait for someone else to start a group. It the leadership hasn't created what you need then let's be the first to make it happen, for ourselves and others. Thank you Heart_Melody for this thread. Let's all flourish together. :)
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,424
4,409
113
#14
Yea for singles
Everyone likes singles better than albums. Confess it you just do. Albums always have fillers and that annoying song that just goes on for too long you want to skip.
As a music nerd I have to disagree... but that was a good joke. ^.^
 

KhedetOrthos

Active member
Dec 13, 2019
284
158
43
#15
is that a football reference? I don't know anything about football - can you explain? XD
Completely. 2-14 is a terrible record to end to a 16 game season in which everyone starts out 0-0 and wants to make the playoffs and win the Super Bowl. Being that bad does get you the first draft pick next spring, which is something. Just not necessarily the something you wanted. Everyone would much rather have the Lombardi trophy in the trophy case in February than be in contract negotiations with a Heisman winner if given the choice.

I agree with continuing to be involved in ministry as a single person, but unfortunately most of those opportunities are ones I could be involved in if I was married as well, and more effectively. The one exception is probably going to a dangerous foreign mission field.
 

BrotherMike

Be Still and Know
Jan 8, 2018
1,352
1,419
113
#16
I appreciate the pep talk but this is sort of like trying to be glad that the 2-14 season got you the first draft pick...
But that first draft pick gives so much hope and promise for the future! It makes me think... Jesus as our first overall pick when we have a 2-14 season. We have hope in Christ :)
 

cv5

Well-known member
Nov 20, 2018
8,251
4,663
113
#17
A vision for my Singleness

Dear sisters and brothers,
I hope you spent a lovely Christmas - even as the single sister - single uncle, daughter or son which hasn't been hitched yet :) I hope you are standing your ground under the scrutiny of all the old grannies and aunties and the cheek tweaks and awkward smiles and "thanks for that aunt Matilda" s. I know it isn't easy to be single when you desire a spouse, especially during this time of year - Honestly! All I want is a sweetheart to kiss at midnight on New Years while toasting the new year (with something sparkly!).

So I thought I would post a thought or two about our Season in life and ask that we all be patient and trust God's process and to ask those which have passed over this season to not leave us behind.



"It is so true that in today’s church culture - especially may I add for the ones in the so called “Bible Belt”- that being single is viewed as something to be despised and frowned upon. We are “abnormal” not “fully grown” parts of an adult culture, where being married and having a family is being idolized to the max.

This is leaving a deep identity crisis for many of my age (if you don’t know, I will be 33 in July “Woop….”) and deepens our sense of loneliness to the max. Where is there a place for us - middle aged single people? Should we go to the young adults ministries where issues are being handled that rarely pertain to our own situation? Where 18-24 year old's look at us as weird “Old wanna be young” people? We are not stranded Beach Whales. We are single. Not lepers.

But there is the single college ministries and then we hop into the married couple ministries. The mother or expecting mother ministries. The children’s ministries. The old People ministries and prayer groups where people of this category are seen as freaks as well and I get a sense of “Oh I wonder how long she will hang in there”.

Really? Because we seem to forget that our Saviour, blessed and holy Jesus himself was indeed SINGLE! And in his ministry he was in his thirties! He was happy, not chasing this idol called marriage. Or relationship. He was fulfilled by the ministry his Father had for him, his relationship which was perfect with Holy Spirit and Father God AND his disciple and the people he knew on a horizontal level here on earth.

YOUNG SINGLE PEOPLE - Stop chasing a relationship with a person out of loneliness. There is probably nothing worse than to be lonely in a marriage you fell into out of desperation to escape loneliness and now you feel trapped because you are also not meant to be divorced. And I mean who wants to be that person at 24? WAIT for the Lord but don’t be discouraged or even depressed.

Jesus and Paul had so much to say to single people. We are the enviable ones. The ones that can focus their entire lives on serving Jesus, being used by Him for His amazing works. Getting to know him more deeply than our fellow sisters and brothers in marriages might never be able to. But if we keep running and hiding from the truth that SINGLENESS isn’t a curse…. It’s a tremendous blessing in fact…. Then we will never be fulfilled in our season of life.

The only events we see celebrated is Engagements, Marriages, Baby announcements, Births and all this stuff - because having a family seems to be what people expect us all to submit to. All of which - when we scroll through Instagram - makes us feel even more abnormal and lonely. Well perhaps just take a Sabbatical from the whole social media thing. To reconnect to God’s heart for you - that he doesn’t view you as a freak for being single but wants you to reach out to HIM in the midst of it more than ever.

I am going to attach a Sermon from Bridgetown Church on singleness to this post - and if you are not single or if you are single - please listen to it. Because the single people in your communities need to have the church as a family come around us too - we are part of your family and we can do more than you can - give us a part in your churches. Because we have TIME! GOSH TIME IS ALL WE HAVE! We don’t have children that depend on us every minute of every day so REACH OUT and let us take part in the ministries of our churches. We are not incapable and not dysfunctional in our singleness. Please stop looking on us as if we need to reach a different stage in life to be acceptable members of our family - we aren’t the freaky weird aunt or uncle. We are in the prime of our lives - just like you - and we want to be taken seriously.

Help us to be able to embrace the gift of Singleness - whether it is for life or for a Season.

Yours in love -
All Single Christians"

Sermon Link:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BNwqdht2Uxna209FlY57f
Chrstians are not in the least obliged to marry. I married late (56....first time) only because there was opportunity for greater service in this instance.
 

KhedetOrthos

Active member
Dec 13, 2019
284
158
43
#18
But that first draft pick gives so much hope and promise for the future! It makes me think... Jesus as our first overall pick when we have a 2-14 season. We have hope in Christ :)
...and yet the Cleveland Browns are still the Cleveland Browns...

...and I’m guessing that Heart Melody wouldn’t have guessed that someone would manage to work the Cleveland Browns into her thread!
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#19
Greetings Heart_Melody,

Regarding your post, Jesus said the following:

===================================================

The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

I totally agree with you. I'm one of those who chose to live the latter.

Dear Brother 🥰
Nic to meet you! Thank you for sharing the scripture with us. Would you mind perhaps sharing how you have learned to be content? Is your church a place where you find meaningful relationships and connections even in your singleness?

God bless you!
 
H

Heart_Melody

Guest
#20
I live in a community with many young families with their hordes of children. When I started at my church I was the only single woman, actually person there. I went because I valued the pastor's attitude and preaching (so many stories I could tell about his humility and service). I also had friends who attended. At first it was lonely. I felt awkward, but I believe that God put on my heart to stay. If I left then the next person to arrive would be alone. Someone had to be the first. He also put on my heart to be the one to reach out and make friends. There are a lot of lonely married women who desperately need someone to see them and make the first move. Before long, as I met other single women who felt left out, they started attending and I was able to to play friendship match making and we became a small group of never married, divorced and widowed women. Our focus is growth in Christ and friendship. We are not a support group. We don't need it. Being single is not an affliction. We look out for each other, share what we have (if I find 20 lbs. of onions for $3 then I ask who wants some and we share. If someone else has an apple tree and it is time for picking, we all share), if someone needs to go to the hospital then they don't have to go alone. We are all part of the church. We need to take the action when we find something lacking. We have the responsibility to serve rather than wait for someone else to start a group. It the leadership hasn't created what you need then let's be the first to make it happen, for ourselves and others. Thank you Heart_Melody for this thread. Let's all flourish together. :)
Such blessed words!!!
Thanks for sharing and I feel this way at my new church too! I am pretty much the only single person in my age but I've been teaching out to every kind of person. And I realized we all need fellowship!

It's such an inspiration to see hear of such love and devotion to each other. ONE BODY! When you hurt or are hungry then I will help. Your joys and sorrows are mine too 💕

Thank you so much for sharing sister