I appreciate your honesty. As Kinda said, it is too soon to jump back in but you are real enough to speak your truth. I remember when my 18 year marriage ended I was shell shocked. One of the horrible parts was feeling the desperate need to be held and comforted and yet I needed to deal with my situation and care for my son. For me, it would have been selfish, in terms of someone else's needs, to seek out a new relationship. After 20 years of being with someone I could not conceive of dating but the need and pain were immense.
The image that came to mind is that you are in the backyard swimming in your pool, think idealized 1950s pool party ( I don't have one but work with me here), and then suddenly the house and everything around falls away like a cheap movie set and you are not in a pool. You are in the middle of the ocean, at night and you are terrified. There is not a boat in sight. You struggle and panic. You want the nightmare to end. It is the end of forever and so much that defined your world. You are buffeted by waves of emotions and events. Unfortunately you are blindfolded so you have no idea when it will be calm or scary. People say that time heals. I think that time moves you through events and eventually you go from "Why Lord?" to "What next Lord?".
There is nothing wrong with wanting love, hoping for love, and wanting to give love. Channel some of that into your friendships, volunteer work and developing the things you didn't have time for before. Take classes, take trips, even day trips to places that might not have interested your partner but do interest you.
For me, I ran away from home. No, I didn't join the circus but I used points and airmiles and went on a very atypical adventure. I jumped into a foreign culture and redefined how I saw myself. For me, it was life changing. I had some of the lies I'd believed about myself, ripped away. I started to heal. Not only did I begin to heal emotionally but my health which was the key to why he left, began to renew.
I realize I've strayed a bit from the topic but while you are missing some real things from being part of a couple, find some things that you couldn't do before and explore them now. It doesn't fix everything but allow yourself time to do the work you need and get to know your own self through new eyes. All the best, laughingheart