Good morning everyone i wish you’re all getting through these trying times and doing what you can to help. i am here because i feel this feeling of emptiness and my faith is being tested. i want to believe and let this scared feeling of anxiety go but i dont know how to start and or where to start. my partner and i can’t ever talk about God because he doesn’t want to talk about him or he believes he died 3 times and never had no experience. there were no lights or singing and to him that convinced him there is nothing after this life or in this life helping us. i feel alone because the few friends i have i am not close with yet and the people who knew me over time called me crazy for my thoughts including my partner. it hurts to feel like i am trying hard to live a better and faithful way of life but i have nobody but my sister (ever grateful for but she is a busy woman) when i have questions. i have tried fb groups asking questions and got booted/blocked because apparently there is a fine line between being an indigenous person with beliefs of my traditions and the beliefs of a christian. i don’t want to feel that what happened to my parents in residential school was the work of God. many indigenous people don’t believe in God because of the things that’s happened in those schools including my partner’s family. both my parents hardships have impacted their parenting and as a result i don’t know my own language, culture and traditional ways. its actually really sad because i feel lost inside and thats the pain my people feel who share my age group. i will admit i battled alcoholism and struggle with anxiety today.... i don’t live in my home community because the corruption is visible, the water and to get a house of your own is hard. its easier to move away and try to be a part of society. i find that every time i go to a church they almost treat me as if i am in need or poor. i am neither, but when i talk and think out loud i am too much and nobody who asked for my number from church calls me or texts after i’ve shared my number... i am very sorry if i had said anything offensive, that wasn’t my intention. i am just lost right now and the man i love i cant talk to about these things.
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