Here I am

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"Welcome back. Your words have been heard, and you may find
encouragement and support within the Family forum. There I will
lend my thoughts."

So sorry... I guess that was a bit much for an introduction thread! I have had so much on my heart, it just all came rushing out. So should i post that on the family forum? At least part of it, I would really like feedback. Not to replace Gods leading, but I do believe in seeking wise counsel. I know I am not the only one who's been in this situation.

I've been here before, but wasn't sure that it was the place I needed to be. I am a married Christian woman. I'm not sure what I expect from this. I know that I am at a point where I need to be in contact with other Christians. I am in an uncomfortable place in my marriage. I can't really talk about it in my family, it just makes them worry. Largely it's a marriage of necessity at the moment. This is my 2nd marriage. My first marriage (1983 - 2000) was difficult. We were very young, had 4 children right away (by the time I was 22) and eventually he cheated-I told him not to come home, and that was that. It was difficult because of the children. They were 9-12 at that time and it was very hard on them. That happened in March, I was in college by August and became a nurse. I was so blessed during that time.. I mean, really, I am still blessed now. I have a wonderful family. But my current husband is a constant source of contention. God has shown me that I need to look at Him, look at myself, and let him deal with Matt. We are raising our grandchildren. We've had them since they were 3 months & 18 months old. My daughter has some mental health issues and we have tried to let her come back multiple times, tried to help, and it has just created more chaos for us and for the boys. CPS became involved the last time she was here... it's been very difficult. Especially for the boys, they have lost so much. They are in counseling, and are mostly doing well, and they love my husband. He was unfaithful in 2017, and since CPS was involved (and still is finalizing the adoption) I allowed him to stay. I didn't want to muddy the water with a divorce at that time. Now it's 3 years later, CPS is STILL involved d/t COVID closing everything, and my husband is still here. As I said the boys love him, but he is a horrible influence. He is very lazy, doesn't enforce chores being done, check homework, follow up with school information, etc. and is supposed to be a "stay at home dad". I have worked for the last 16 years. I love my job, mostly. It's frustrating to see the mess when I come home. I see things in the boys behavior that are a direct result of his influence that make me think CPS be damned and I should just move ahead with the divorce. We are not close, we do not have a normal marriage relationship, let alone model what a marriage should look like. I guess part of me just needed to vent, and I would really love the feedback from anyone who cares to comment. Please be gentle, I am feeling very fragile these days. Hope you all have a safe and happy 4th of July!!

I've been here before, but wasn't sure that it was the place I needed to be. I am a married Christian woman. I'm not sure what I expect from this. I know that I am at a point where I need to be in contact with other Christians. I am in an uncomfortable place in my marriage. I can't really talk about it in my family, it just makes them worry. Largely it's a marriage of necessity at the moment. This is my 2nd marriage. My first marriage (1983 - 2000) was difficult. We were very young, had 4 children right away (by the time I was 22) and eventually he cheated-I told him not to come home, and that was that. It was difficult because of the children. They were 9-12 at that time and it was very hard on them. That happened in March, I was in college by August and became a nurse. I was so blessed during that time.. I mean, really, I am still blessed now. I have a wonderful family. But my current husband is a constant source of contention. God has shown me that I need to look at Him, look at myself, and let him deal with Matt. We are raising our grandchildren. We've had them since they were 3 months & 18 months old. My daughter has some mental health issues and we have tried to let her come back multiple times, tried to help, and it has just created more chaos for us and for the boys. CPS became involved the last time she was here... it's been very difficult. Especially for the boys, they have lost so much. They are in counseling, and are mostly doing well, and they love my husband. He was unfaithful in 2017, and since CPS was involved (and still is finalizing the adoption) I allowed him to stay. I didn't want to muddy the water with a divorce at that time. Now it's 3 years later, CPS is STILL involved d/t COVID closing everything, and my husband is still here. As I said the boys love him, but he is a horrible influence. He is very lazy, doesn't enforce chores being done, check homework, follow up with school information, etc. and is supposed to be a "stay at home dad". I have worked for the last 16 years. I love my job, mostly. It's frustrating to see the mess when I come home. I see things in the boys behavior that are a direct result of his influence that make me think CPS be damned and I should just move ahead with the divorce. We are not close, we do not have a normal marriage relationship, let alone model what a marriage should look like. I guess part of me just needed to vent, and I would really love the feedback from anyone who cares to comment. Please be gentle, I am feeling very fragile these days. Hope you all have a safe and happy 4th of July!!