I just need to dump somewhere. My 24 year old nephew recently took his life. His parents were home, it was awful. The emotional pain, watching my brother and sister-in-law suffer is almost unbearable. Then yesterday our son called to tell me he and his wife are having problems. I want to curl up in a ball and disappear. My faith is being tested. I struggle with depression, have all my life. Taking some time off work. Just need support.
I am saddened to read of your sorrows. I cannot imagine.
I think it is good you are taking time off work for your own sake. Take care of you.
There are platitudes I could offer that really won't help but to be just platitudes.
I will say from personal experience of loss not by suicides in the family, honor every emotion you're feeling no matter what it is. And don't feel guilty when you feel it.
I think this is God's way of allowing for us to release what sudden unexpected tragedy does to us on every level. Even those we don't know are there.
If you feel like screaming, scream! If you feel like beating on something, beat it till you are worn out.
If you feel like crying, cussing up a storm, do it. Release it. Don't swallow it down because it can do more harm being suppressed. And don't feel guilty at all for all that you feel. God's seen it all.
I know all who love you are praying for you as you are for those who suffered this loss along with you.
You're going to come through this. It takes time. No hurry.
Take care of you. And give yourself to those who need you as you feel able. Don't feel as if you have to wear yourself out to be there for everyone else.
That's my advice from experience.
God makes sure you're not alone in this.