The PERSON/PERSONS who are the root cause of your pain

@Mak33
Hi Mak33 thanks for contributing to this thread by sharing something from your own life.Yes it is true that in some families certain traits are common and there can a bloodline affected by certain sins or traumas or life incidents.Just like you there was stuff in my parents bloodline that most definitely contributed to certain traumatic things that happened to me and my brother and sisters lives.
Sometimes people can get like an instant deliverance from things instantly and for others there's a process to go through which takes time and effort to overcome filled with ups and down at times.It's great that you gained insight into certain elements of you family background which helped you understand where certain behaviours came our from.Holding onto past hurts can be a temptation coz it can feel right coz of what happened yet as you said it just detrimental in every way.
Forgiveness is most definitely a spiritual key that opens doors to freedom and whilst forgiveness is important...the actual hurt is often a separate thing that God has to help us overcome by his spirit.Many times people are confused because they think that forgiveness means all the pain goes away and not realise that healing is needed.
Thanks for posting here.Blessings.😊😊😊

More than anyone else ever could, I harmed and damaged myself in the past by various sins. I am suffering the consequences to this day, even though I don't live like that anymore. Because you can't undo it and can't get out of your skin or escape the fact that you once did something. This is my greatest concern, anything else others could have done is pale in comparison. It's not going to be pleasant giving the account before Heaven and Earth and I'm preparing for it daily.

It might be profitable to focus the conversation onto how to overcome these things.

I had an abusive mother who never loved me and I couldn't "just get over it" for a very long time. My entire beliefs about myself were wrong, and taking ages to change by me reading the Bible and literally brain-washing myself with the truth. It works, but is a very slow process, taking years upon years and I still have more to go. "Train up a child in the way they should go." Now imagine if you were trained up wrongly, how hard it is to undo it.

Still, I think God worked for a good purpose what she had done. It pushed me to seek a source of love and finally find God. Imagine if I was loved and embraced. I might've thought "I've got it all going; I'm winning at life; why should I seek God?" But this way my soul was saved.

"Just get over it" often doesn't work even though you really want to. A lot of people simply don't get that and never will. Unfortunately. I know someone who berated me back in the day when I wasn't able to "just get over" my mother, but they were not seeing the mote in their own eye - they struggled equally with their problematic relationship with their mother, and while I eventually did get over it, they still struggle to this day! Every person has their own schedule. "Just get over it" doesn't help deal with it. But a little bit of grace and not putting pressure can help deal with it and finally be over it. I understand the intent you had, although it might be misinterpreted. It's not good to dwell on things, but talking is the first step in letting go and this discussion can be productive if conducted wisely.

Things that helped me:

What brought the biggest change...

- writing a letter to my mother (not for her reading, but really for myself, expressing my feelings so I could then rise above them and decide to maturely handle things with grace, instead of being swallowed up and tossed about by my feelings)
- writing a song about our relationship (I was shortly healed after composing that song and felt with a big surprise that I was over it). I felt that I basically grew the love inside of me that was never given to me. I wasn't forever stuck without her love anymore: I realized I had love inside of me, and I was not a victim, so there was no reason for further resentment.

What also helped...

- considering how God might've used what I've been through for my good
- pondering on my own sins and what I could've done better
- washing my mind from her words expressed in hatred with the truths from the Bible

Bottom line, express the trapped feelings, it's very important, write a letter or create art. And once you really got it out of you, it's a lot easier to let go. "Just get over" often pushes things under the carpet when you need to deal with it and really solve it once and for all.

Hello soulweaver God knows exacty what happened in the past,what you did,it's consequences that you are living with till this very day.Yet he still loves you.Still cares about you.Still blessed your life.Still has good intentions for you.Jesuz died for you for a reason..not just to save you ect but also to make of possible for you to experience the grace and help from God through him if we mess up..do the wrong things,hurt our own bodies ect.There was a time I did terrible things bringing harm to my body which I too am living the consequences today....so I can relate to what you are saying and for years it used to torment me.."look what I have done....,"and I am sure you must think if you didn't do certain things you wouldn't be suffering in the way that you are now....I have the same mindset.
You and I can't erase the past but once you confess your sins to God and ask forgiveness...those sins are now under the blood of the lamb...covered..dealt with as far as God is concerned.There is a sowing and reaping at times..but God is there to provide grace to help us through.The bible says if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us and purity us from ALL unrighteousness.
You won't need to be giving an account in heaven for those things.coz God won't be holding them against you in that way.You used to be like that....buf not any more..even though their are consequences.
You have no idea how much you life is gonna change,develope be blessed by God...it's not how you start.....it's how you finish...
The enemie will seek to use our forgiven sins against us to convince us that our lives are inna state of ruin coz of what we did.Hez a liar.God loves you so so so much.nothing can can seperate you from his love..so sin,persons,consequence,mistake,ect etc can...
I am here to tell you that God accepts you just as you are and Jeremiah 29:11 still holds true for you.Ask God to renew your mind and give you the grave to cope with the consequences which he has been doing.You are gonna be just fine in Jesus name.
God loves you and I sure as hell care for you.💕💕

Thank God, I have no sufferings in body. It's really mentally been troubling me.
Jesus said that we will "give account even for every word", lest action. Also "there's nothing hidden that won't be exposed".
This has been infusing terror into my bones for years.
I really wonder if having confessed and turned away from sins qualifies it as not having to give account... and I am not convinced. At Bema seat of Jesus, all we did in life is tried by fire so it's definitely brought up in some way... it's almost as if repenting and starting over still doesn't count?
I don't know a person who can say "I never lied", per example. Just imagine just everybody standing there as you give account of every lie you ever pronounced before all the saints? This is very embarrassing and shameful, for things people normally consider small and common it is enough to invoke terror. Like, per example, times when I was mean to others. I look back, it's disgusting. That's going to be horrible. Death would almost have been a better option, imo. It's something I've been thinking about for years, and the prospect is terrifying. I really hope it's not going to happen like I'm imagining.

@SoulWeaver
Gosh we were typing an the same time.Yes being told just to get over it doesn't always work..and each persons situation warrants a different approach.Offering ways to over come in such a general thread most certainly wouldn't suit all..the path for me was prayer from a church leader,repenting from habitual strongholds..spending time with God over a long time and gaining insight to certain dysfunctional relationships that some of the persons had deceased,thee were soulties to break too..a lot of things in the process I went through..so I couldn't be suggesting on the outset what the way out is..because i have no way of knowing if anyone is even gonna respond or what their responce is going to be.People are also at different stages in their lives we all support each other in various ways.
Praise God for the things that helped you and it makes me smile to know this.
I am an artist and I did lots of modern art to express pain ect..I did poetry,even write them down...yet still stuck...it was only when I got to the lowest place ever..(nearly dying in a car crash that God miraculously prevented..becoming mentally ill,hooked on drugs..ect...)..I cried out to God in a way i had never done before...it took many years later of God taking me through a process to create stability in my life.
I am blessed by your testimony and I am sure others reading it will be inspired.

Please forgive if it came across as if "what worked for me will work for everybody"......... By NO means am I suggesting that, there's no universal recipe. I was just giving ideas what might potentially help, since it took me a while to get the idea and get around doing it, and I wish I did it earlier, because it caused such a big change for me.

The bible says there is no condemnation to those that's are in Christ Jesus....so if for instance I was mean to someone..yet i had repented,asked forgiveness ect...Why Would i be held to account for it in the same way that someone who was mean to somebody..no repentance or remorse..?If God has purified us from a unrighteous type of behaviour..be would then bringing it up at thst time to be holding it against us...he sent jesus to die to deliver us from eternal domination so in this context the purification of that particular sin would be meaning nothing unless that person went back into it without repentance and allowed that particular sin to dominate their lives...
It is good to have a healthy reverence for God most definatley and to want to be holy as he called us to be holy.
That thief on the cross who has the revelation of who Jesus was didn't get time to repent of things he was doing cox he was dying..yes Jesus said he would be with him....now on that day do you think think this man's previous sins would some how be used against him to the point that it would over his belief that Jesus was Lord..as he was dying??.I doubth that..

Well as you were saying the focus f the discussion should have been more about the ways out..have the impression that you were suggesting that the thread had a missing component."suggestions of ways out"....was you refering to our conversation or the thread in.general?
The purpose of the thread..it would be a case of providing empathy and encouragement to those who can relate to such a thread.No one has actually mis interpreted this thread...i only had to explain to someone that this thread is a little deeper that things we can let go of or move on from.
It is good that you had freedom from the things in your own situation.

I wasn't attacking the thread or how you imagined it, I was defending it, in expectation of the worst. I thought, "oh no, I know what this is soon going to turn into". Usually whenever discussion about any trauma is started, people will barge in and say "just get over it". Or, "you don't serve God, you are not fit for the kingdom of God if you can't just get over things". Like they do to people who struggle with depression in the exact same way! I was kind of going into defense mode dreading it would happen, because I've been seeing it recently here.

I struggle a lot with guilt and shame and did all my life, because of how I was brought up because I was constantly scapegoated in the house and shamed for every small thing. I can be horribly ashamed, embarrassed and feel guilty even over a slightest thing that a normal person would pay no mind... and if I seriously messed up and did something bad? Then I just want to die. For a long time, it completely warped everything I read in the Bible, and probably I have still not completely recovered. I am seriously worried and distressed that God is going to be calling me out for the stuff I have repented as well and not doing anymore and that it's going to be a giant cosmic shaming fest where I'm going to be called the worst person that ever lived, probably. Writing this I'm realizing that I'm probably reading into God and applying how I was treated as a child, and it's not going to happen. It's hard to get this under my blue hat. Everything you learn from your parents you'll be unwittingly applying to God and your spiritual life. Which is really the biggest problem because it takes so long to undo the damage. Everything else, it passes away: if I could choose, I'd rather that I was physically beaten more, and psychologically remained unharmed.

Now when I think in retrospect, I've never really noticed this, but my whole history of suicidal depression from my childhood onwards is really thanks to being constantly shamed since the earliest childhood. Per example, I'd come home and if my clothes were a little dirty, my mother would say I was disgusting, I was compared to swine and told I was "not like all normal kids". This was often repeated to me, that I was not like normal kids. I was compared to other children and told how they are elegant, smart, perfect, and I was a shame, an embarrassment, worthless, stupid, disgusting... You can say whatever to me now and I will be fine, but saying words of contempt and disgust to a small child has huge consequences in how their personality forms. Their whole inner world is shaped by it. This also messed up my social life all the way into mid 20s, because I've always felt unworthy and less than other people. Kids feel that, and make no mistake, respond to it. It's in your eyes, in your body language, it's like blood in the water.

It got to the point that I wanted to die of chronic guilt and shame as a teenager. I didn't even need to do anything; I was simply embarrassed and guilty for who I am. That was my experience of living most of my life, except when I momentarily forgot about it. Who wouldn't want to die, feeling like that constantly? Which I thought it was me thinking it, but it's really her voice internalized in my head, because if a parent says it, they must be right, a parent is alike to God to a child, a child will internalize everything the parent says. It takes a lot of time and painstaking effort to even sift your mind and separate from yourself, lest eliminate, the implanted voice of the abusive parent in your head. And just then I realized while writing to you, that I am sadly fearing that even dead I am not going to be free, but it is going to be a cosmic shame fest when I die. As if my mother ran Heaven, lol. I am not suicidal anymore, it's been a lot better since I follow Jesus, and I was able to forgive my mother fully, I want nothing bad to happen to her on account of what she did to me, but I still can't say the aftermath is undone, but I'm really looking forward to it and I know it's possible. It's been better I've gone far compared to how it was but I have more to go.

@Encouragement thank you for opening this thread, it's already helpful to me. Realizing some things, I feel very strengthened in spirit and relieved in peace and comfort coming from God. If you prayed for me, I am grateful. I wasn't even realizing some of the things I've just written. A lot of the time I don't even know what I'm thinking unless I say it, voicing it, sometimes you realize clearly where you got that from.

Was about to apologize by reflex for taking up so much space, and remembered I made a decision not to apologize anymore for taking up space or in fear of bothering others. I resolved to not apologize last year (unless I actually did something that merits an apology) it feeds the negative beliefs that I'm worthless or less worthy than others, and I resolved I'm not going to be buying into the lie any more, until it becomes a full normal for me to value myself as others in Christ. It's not sounding normal yet to be kind to myself like it's normal to be kind to others but I will do it regardless. I'd never think about another person "they're annoying" if they're relieving their heart speaking and it helps them. So I need to get to that mindset when it's me, too. Renewing my mind.

@SoulWeaver
Hi goodmorning..I sense there is a lot that needed to come out of you having read your most recent comments here which needed to be expressed.Before I respond to them which I will do most certainly I just have to say that this thread defends itself and you did mention that you went into kind of defense mode fearing the worst.Have you read my other responses to people here in this post?Have you noticed how I respond to each one?
There was nothing for you to fear at all when we started to interact.Even when you 1st posted something here did you not discern the manner in which I addressed you?With empathy,understanding and to seek to inspire you with hope..even sharing a bit about myself?..So how could I then be responding in a way that would be different from that?
I sense that you may have felt vulnerable as you were expressing things about yourself that were of delicate nature and may have thought something bad would happen whilst doing so..
You didnt say anything much in response to many of my additional comments that followed even when I shared about escaping death in a car crash ect..which I had just shared for the 1st time whilst sharing with you here....you just seemed to be focused on expressing your own feelings and thoughts which is completely fine and I do appreciate you opening up..yet I wasnt sure if you were realising the weight of certain things I commented to you..
Any time I interact with people here esp when it is a out who they really are ect..I always have an emphatic mindset and through my own life experiences connect with their struggle.So never expect nothing more that this with me coz I wouldnt never disregard the preciousness of another's life experience ect.

I agree with you on this..no need to be expressing apologies for the length of what you post.We shall have the right to Express yourself as we see fit unless its something evil and inappropriate..so its all good.👍👍

@SoulWeaver
Hi thanks for making time to type out your comments.Yes I can most definitely understand this..Parental abuse can affect a person for their entire life and stronghold of rejection quickly take hold.Feelings of shame,unworthiness,low self esteem social anxiety,feeling that you a bad person,suicidal thoughts usually follow this.
Many christians cant relate to God being a father/parental figure because there experience with their earthly parent/guardian had totally distorted their perceptions and it can be a real struggle to accept that God loves them cares for them ect due to what they went through.
It is good that you have seen certain things since posting them in this thread and yes you mothers impact upon you haf been devastating and for many years the damage it caused in your mind defined who you believed you were to the point where you believed that even you past find that has been forgiven by God,you had repented of and moved on from would be used against you.How terrible it would be if this were truth of God.Then God would be undermining the death of his sin jesus..his death wouldn't have been enough for us..this is most definitely a lie from the enemie.

Well I am glad you have been blessed from this thread and I can see just how the enemie has most definitely twisted a lot of things in your mind as he does to many of us and God will see you through this.It days he who begun a good work will complete it..and stronghold of rejection take time to break coz rejection is rooted in self deception in terms of its damaging affects.There are amazing books around that make a good read that deal with the consequences of being rejected and in my own life the repercussions of it has been terrible.
May God continue to bless you and transform you mind and may you fully see yourself as how God sees you.

Hi, I only read your introductory post. I have not read the entire thread yet, although I usually read like that I didn't this time - so I didn't know about the car crash. I read only a few short responses of others underneath before responding.

I've never thought you wouldn't be empathetic... that was not directed towards you. I am talking about others who always come to attack people on this type of thread. These people are very real, I'm fighting them off on depression threads every time. I am fine regarding depression now, but I have some empathy left for others who are not.

Probably shouldn't have responded at all. I believed I was completely fine, but as I started talking, I gradually realized how much I was not feeling well and still dealing with impact. Which is probably why I didn't give attention to other peoples' struggles... I'd have probably read up after responding but things went how they went. I don't like revealing any weakness either, so that really stressed me out. I don't know, did I do bad here? I suppose. It wasn't on purpose, but I guess sorry for being self centered for a moment.

Hi ita fine.I could tell that you were a bit intro perspective...but it can happen and I do appreciate your openness and honesty.I think it is been therapeutic for you to reaping to this thread and you have suffered a lot internally and sometimes we dont kinda expect to respond in a certain way in a particular situation.
All the responses ect on this thread have been open and honest about life and no one has been negative here so..yet it be worth havin a little look whenever you feel and you might be pleasantly surprised.
Oh the car crash I mentioned ect was in mentioned in one of my responce to you yesterday...so it's more thank likely that when you were typing you may not have been fully focusing on the content included I my responses to you..
I think you have done well to open up here and yes sometimes others can make things a bit heated or stressful but no need to worry when your engaging with me..Its just you and me interacting in that moment and it is fine..

This really spoke to me...
Thank you for this thread ...
...xox...