I'm lost is probably an understatement. I grew up in a loving home, where my father was a devout Christian and we attended church every Sunday. My father (and his new wife, remarried after my mother passed away) are both devout Christians, lead Christian lives, and actively share their faith and blessings God has made on their lives. My father is happy all the time, energetic, and excited about the Lord, taking his troubles to God, praising God and thanking God in every aspect of his life.
I've reached out to God on numerous times during my life, primarily during times of trouble or pain, seeking, asking, pleading for God. Right now I am going through a particularly scary/tough time. This time feels different, as I look back on my life, and particularly during my marriage, I see a life of lying, moral deficiency, infidelity that makes me unable to even look at myself in the mirror. I know this is not the man I was created to be. The woman I strived to be the very best for I have hurt and disappointed time and time again.
Im scared, lost, and ashamed of what my life has become. I continue to pray to God asking for forgiveness and a changed heart. I want to let go of my own desires and have God lead me, but I dont really know what that means or how to do that. I wish I could be "captured" by God in the same way my father, his wife, and other Christians feel captured, excited, and like a personal collaborative relationship. I feel like before I can ask God to save or heal my marriage, if that is his will, then I am the one that needs saved and healed first. I pray. I continue to pray asking for forgiveness and a changed heart and desire to seek God, know God, and love God. I don't know how to find God, or get closer to God, or feel captured. I search and read online over and over again "how to find God", "how to know if God is talking to you," I am unable to make the changes that my life needs, I need God to come in and lead my life. I dont know how to do that. Please help.
I've reached out to God on numerous times during my life, primarily during times of trouble or pain, seeking, asking, pleading for God. Right now I am going through a particularly scary/tough time. This time feels different, as I look back on my life, and particularly during my marriage, I see a life of lying, moral deficiency, infidelity that makes me unable to even look at myself in the mirror. I know this is not the man I was created to be. The woman I strived to be the very best for I have hurt and disappointed time and time again.
Im scared, lost, and ashamed of what my life has become. I continue to pray to God asking for forgiveness and a changed heart. I want to let go of my own desires and have God lead me, but I dont really know what that means or how to do that. I wish I could be "captured" by God in the same way my father, his wife, and other Christians feel captured, excited, and like a personal collaborative relationship. I feel like before I can ask God to save or heal my marriage, if that is his will, then I am the one that needs saved and healed first. I pray. I continue to pray asking for forgiveness and a changed heart and desire to seek God, know God, and love God. I don't know how to find God, or get closer to God, or feel captured. I search and read online over and over again "how to find God", "how to know if God is talking to you," I am unable to make the changes that my life needs, I need God to come in and lead my life. I dont know how to do that. Please help.
- 1
- 1
- 1
- Show all