need godly advice about my relationship

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Priyankameru

New member
#1
Oct 5, 2020
5
4
3
#1
Hi everyone, I've been struggling with my conflicting thoughts about my relationship, need Godly advice please. I've been dating this guy for a year now and we are in a long distance relationship. He's divorced and I've never been married before. He claims to be a Christian and he says he believes in Jesus, but I have a few concerns. 1. He listens to the 'audio version of the Bible' but I have never seen him read the Bible, or use a hard copy or never carries one to church. 2. He prays but I have never seen him kneeling down, and he doesn't end the prayer in Jesus name. I tried to explain to him why it is important to end a prayer in Jesus name but he never did that even after I mentioned it. Not sure if it is my fault but I kept dating him anyway because our core values and beliefs are the same. When I visited him a couple of months ago, he told me clearly that he wants to have a future with me and wants to make our relationship work, we even talked about the possibilities for me to move his city to end the long distance. However, after I came back from him, he was fine for about a week. Then I started to feel that he stopped talking about our future. For the last couple of weeks, his behavior has been very shady. He is less available to talk on the phone, he is vague about meeting some of his friends and we stopped praying together (we used to do it in the first week of my return). I know that he is lying to me because his words do not match his actions. Some days when I try to call him, he panics because there is 'someone' with him. He tells me that he is going to meet this particular 'friend' and that he will call me once he is back (he is trying to avoid me calling him while he is with his friend). I tried to confront his lies but he straight away denies his lies. He then kept seeing his 'friend' quite a few times in the last few weeks. Whenever he goes to meet this 'friend' he sends me a message before so that I will not call him. Other than this, there were also couple of instances where his behavior was shady. But he still claims he wants to meet me and behaves as if he is serious about us. I'm visiting him again in a few days and I don't know how to deal with the situation. I cannot confront him because I don't have any solid proofs if he is cheating on me. I know lies are unacceptable, but I don't exactly know if he is seeing another woman or who that other 'friend' is and what level of relationship he has with that person. I'm totally confused, his lies break my heart. When I try to talk to him about it he never admits to it so there is no point in wanting to have an open communication about it. I have been praying about it but God has been silent and I haven't gotten any answer. I don't know what to do, should I break up with him? or should I give him a benefit of doubt and move on with our relationship? He is a very nice guy but his lies are a big red flag to me, even worse that he doesn't admit them. Other than this he is a pretty good guy, and I'm constantly struggling between the thoughts that should I forgive and love him like Jesus does to us, or should I breakup with him for his lies. please advise.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
42,598
17,062
113
69
Tennessee
#2
Sounds like a lost cause to me with serious trust issues. My counsel is to end this relationship before it goes any further. When Jesus taught his disciples how to pray He didn't end the prayer in the name of Jesus either. For the record I don't either but do say an amen. My wife ends her prayers this way though. It depends on the individual and what they are accustomed to. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#3
Jul 3, 2015
60,344
29,592
113
#3
Liars are not "good guys." That you are very concerned about his evasiveness and lack
of transparency is a good thing. Trust is foundational. I agree with tourist :)












:)
 
T

Tararose

Well-known member
#4
Sep 30, 2020
753
564
93
Uk
www.101christiansocialnetwork.com
#4
Priyankameru said:
Hi everyone, I've been struggling with my conflicting thoughts about my relationship, need Godly advice please. I've been dating this guy for a year now and we are in a long distance relationship. He's divorced and I've never been married before. He claims to be a Christian and he says he believes in Jesus, but I have a few concerns. 1. He listens to the 'audio version of the Bible' but I have never seen him read the Bible, or use a hard copy or never carries one to church. 2. He prays but I have never seen him kneeling down, and he doesn't end the prayer in Jesus name. I tried to explain to him why it is important to end a prayer in Jesus name but he never did that even after I mentioned it. Not sure if it is my fault but I kept dating him anyway because our core values and beliefs are the same. When I visited him a couple of months ago, he told me clearly that he wants to have a future with me and wants to make our relationship work, we even talked about the possibilities for me to move his city to end the long distance. However, after I came back from him, he was fine for about a week. Then I started to feel that he stopped talking about our future. For the last couple of weeks, his behavior has been very shady. He is less available to talk on the phone, he is vague about meeting some of his friends and we stopped praying together (we used to do it in the first week of my return). I know that he is lying to me because his words do not match his actions. Some days when I try to call him, he panics because there is 'someone' with him. He tells me that he is going to meet this particular 'friend' and that he will call me once he is back (he is trying to avoid me calling him while he is with his friend). I tried to confront his lies but he straight away denies his lies. He then kept seeing his 'friend' quite a few times in the last few weeks. Whenever he goes to meet this 'friend' he sends me a message before so that I will not call him. Other than this, there were also couple of instances where his behavior was shady. But he still claims he wants to meet me and behaves as if he is serious about us. I'm visiting him again in a few days and I don't know how to deal with the situation. I cannot confront him because I don't have any solid proofs if he is cheating on me. I know lies are unacceptable, but I don't exactly know if he is seeing another woman or who that other 'friend' is and what level of relationship he has with that person. I'm totally confused, his lies break my heart. When I try to talk to him about it he never admits to it so there is no point in wanting to have an open communication about it. I have been praying about it but God has been silent and I haven't gotten any answer. I don't know what to do, should I break up with him? or should I give him a benefit of doubt and move on with our relationship? He is a very nice guy but his lies are a big red flag to me, even worse that he doesn't admit them. Other than this he is a pretty good guy, and I'm constantly struggling between the thoughts that should I forgive and love him like Jesus does to us, or should I breakup with him for his lies. please advise.
Click to expand...
Whatever the truth is, right now you do not trust this man. You cannot build on that foundation.
For both your sakes I would advise a separation. In short if he is lying it is a massive red flag, if not then your lack of faith in him is also a massive red flag. I am Being honest. Jealousy or a constantly suspicious mind will
Destroy a relationship so even if that is what is happening (I am 100%
Honestly not assuming that you are at fault) or of he really is lying, it is all a big sign that it is not a healthy relationship
To peruse. I am sorry to be so blunt but there is a worse thing than loneliness as a single and that is an unhappy marriage. I want to spare
You both the pain of that.
 
B

Blackpowderduelist

Guest
#5
#5
Priyankameru said:
Hi everyone, I've been struggling with my conflicting thoughts about my relationship, need Godly advice please. I've been dating this guy for a year now and we are in a long distance relationship. He's divorced and I've never been married before. He claims to be a Christian and he says he believes in Jesus, but I have a few concerns. 1. He listens to the 'audio version of the Bible' but I have never seen him read the Bible, or use a hard copy or never carries one to church. 2. He prays but I have never seen him kneeling down, and he doesn't end the prayer in Jesus name. I tried to explain to him why it is important to end a prayer in Jesus name but he never did that even after I mentioned it. Not sure if it is my fault but I kept dating him anyway because our core values and beliefs are the same. When I visited him a couple of months ago, he told me clearly that he wants to have a future with me and wants to make our relationship work, we even talked about the possibilities for me to move his city to end the long distance. However, after I came back from him, he was fine for about a week. Then I started to feel that he stopped talking about our future. For the last couple of weeks, his behavior has been very shady. He is less available to talk on the phone, he is vague about meeting some of his friends and we stopped praying together (we used to do it in the first week of my return). I know that he is lying to me because his words do not match his actions. Some days when I try to call him, he panics because there is 'someone' with him. He tells me that he is going to meet this particular 'friend' and that he will call me once he is back (he is trying to avoid me calling him while he is with his friend). I tried to confront his lies but he straight away denies his lies. He then kept seeing his 'friend' quite a few times in the last few weeks. Whenever he goes to meet this 'friend' he sends me a message before so that I will not call him. Other than this, there were also couple of instances where his behavior was shady. But he still claims he wants to meet me and behaves as if he is serious about us. I'm visiting him again in a few days and I don't know how to deal with the situation. I cannot confront him because I don't have any solid proofs if he is cheating on me. I know lies are unacceptable, but I don't exactly know if he is seeing another woman or who that other 'friend' is and what level of relationship he has with that person. I'm totally confused, his lies break my heart. When I try to talk to him about it he never admits to it so there is no point in wanting to have an open communication about it. I have been praying about it but God has been silent and I haven't gotten any answer. I don't know what to do, should I break up with him? or should I give him a benefit of doubt and move on with our relationship? He is a very nice guy but his lies are a big red flag to me, even worse that he doesn't admit them. Other than this he is a pretty good guy, and I'm constantly struggling between the thoughts that should I forgive and love him like Jesus does to us, or should I breakup with him for his lies. please advise.
Click to expand...
Yeah, sounds like time to say good-bye.
The kneeling thing is you being critical
The Jesus name thing also you being critical.

All the sketchy stuff is him pulling away and likely seeing someone else.

I would say from what you wrote, it's over.
Sorry to say that but I think any attempt to carry on will turn into misery.
Based on what you have shared.
 
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