"God's love is like the ocean: You can see the beginning, but not the end."
-Rick Warren
-Rick Warren
The date was Thursday, July 11, 2019, my husband Ryan's birthday. We've been attending Lifest for several years because the music is incredible and the food vendors are some of the best in the area. Leaving work early is an added perk to visiting this Christian music festival. I had no idea this year was going to be different than all the others, and spark a chain reaction that would change my life forever.
The first day of Lifest is always the most exciting; the merchandise is brand new, the smells are enticing, the weather is impeccable, my energy level is at its peak, and the allure of various sound stages gets your adrenaline pumping even higher. I remember telling Ryan I wasn't too psyched to see For King & Country (stylized as for KING & COUNTRY), one of the main artists scheduled that evening. I'd heard some of their music on the radio, like Fix My Eyes and Shoulders, but at the time, it was nothing to write home about. Other songs and musicians really got me moving in my seat, but they weren't featured this year. It's also important to mention that speakers like Bob Lenz and Reggie Dabbs would get me to tear up, but I refused to let myself succumb to the tugging I felt on my heart year after year.
Fast forward to dusk, the sun was setting and the stage was bright with multi-colored lights. For King & Country started to perform and I quickly got interested. Luke and Joel Smallbone form the duo who came from Sydney, Australia to bless us with song. Their movements, voices, and instruments were riveting, not to mention the personal stories they shared in between. Luke told of his wife Courtney's experience with becoming dependent on nausea medication while she was pregnant with one of their children. Joel expressed his conviction that women are priceless, which is why the brothers founded the Priceless Movement. They believe that violence, trafficking, and belittling someone's self-worth are atrocities, and they're committed to removing women and kids from those situations. (We've been donating to the cause because I feel strongly about it, too.) There's also a movie named Priceless which focuses on the idea that women are to be treasured, and it actually features Joel himself, portraying a character named James, whose eyes are opened. The whole explanation got me emotional and I thought about it a lot, as well as adding a ton of their music to my iPod.
That said, we went to another For King & Country concert right away in August, at the Wisconsin State Fair. As expected, the show was spectacular once again. I was dancing, singing along, laughing, and just having a good time. When it became time for the guys to share their stories, I was glued to my seat despite having heard them already. There's something about the earnest urgency in Luke's voice when he talks about Courtney's struggle with those pills. Then, Joel shared the meaning behind the Priceless Movement. Although I'd heard the words a month prior, it felt different to be told I was priceless this time. The clock kind of stood still as he talked, and I stopped hearing his voice. Instead, it just felt like I was hearing God, a gentle but firm nudge telling me, "He's right you know. You're loved, you're worth every moment you've lived, and you're here for a reason." I've never dealt with depression or suicidal thoughts, but my self-esteem isn't the greatest and my insecurities are usually in the driver's seat. In that one moment, my ideals about myself came crashing down. I started crying and all I could hear in my head was, "Shh, this is what it feels like to be wanted, to accept that you have a purpose." I have believed in God my entire life and used to go to Sunday school, but I'll wholeheartedly say I think this was the moment Jesus entered my heart for the first time. For King & Country created the right environment and God used the timing to His advantage.
Since that day, I've made a remarkable amount of positive changes in my life. I'm trying to stop swearing, I've removed music from my iPod which doesn't convey a message of love or happiness, I've been going to the gym a couple of times a week, and we started to sponsor a teen girl from Colombia named Angeli through Compassion International. These changes are not easy and of course I stumble frequently, but I'm learning to let Him lead me through it and guide me where He needs me. Ryan has been so understanding and supportive of this shift in my heart. When I feel called to lend a hand, or a ride, or some money, he knows I'm compelled and will be at my side, sharing in the generosity.
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