gifts, wanted and unwanted

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Lanolin

Lanolin

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#21
Dec 15, 2018
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#21
JohnDB said:
Husbands do that sort of thing to try and get the wife closer in his way of thinking...it's a way of sharing that often goes misunderstood. He is all excited about something and buys the best book possible for her to read and understand what is absorbing his thoughts.

And the rift gets a bit wider because of this.

That's not to say that this year I got my wife an expensive present that she never asked for. She didn't want to say anything about it to keep from hurting my feelings.
But she decided to investigate the thing a bit more...and then got really excited about it. Totally shocked at herself when she decided that it was an excellent present.

One of those times when I got very lucky indeed.
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you mean, he gives her the book HE actually wants to read so she will think of him when she reads it? Or she might even say, I dont have time to read this but you can read it first. So does that mean hes really just giving her what HE wants to read? Is this how men think??

puzzled....!

I guess its like the imprisoned parents of children asking for gifts of money so they can spend it on themselves. Its more likely that the parents would use the money not the children.

When my mum gave me money for chinese new years she would always say save it dont spend it. Well I would get frustated why give me money if I cant spend it? lol
 
GiveThanks

GiveThanks

God Will Make A Way
#22
Dec 6, 2020
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#22
Lanolin said:
was talking to a wife who kinda complained that her husband had given her a huge memoir of an american president when she really hated reading about american politics! lol. How can he get it so wrong I wonder.
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I dont think that this is generally the case with married couples that they give eachother unwanted gifts.
 
JohnDB

JohnDB

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#23
Jan 16, 2021
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#23
Lanolin said:
you mean, he gives her the book HE actually wants to read so she will think of him when she reads it? Or she might even say, I dont have time to read this but you can read it first. So does that mean hes really just giving her what HE wants to read? Is this how men think??

puzzled....!

I guess its like the imprisoned parents of children asking for gifts of money so they can spend it on themselves. Its more likely that the parents would use the money not the children.

When my mum gave me money for chinese new years she would always say save it dont spend it. Well I would get frustated why give me money if I cant spend it? lol
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It's possible for a guy to think that way. But it's also that he wants to "train her to think in a better manner" as well. Or it could be that he doesn't have the skills to explain his world as well and yet wants to share it with her.

And as far as putting money on a parent's commissary account...
A child should... especially if the Child is a Christian. Don't think of it as giving to a parent as much as it is giving it to God. (But don't do over $50)

Parents who give money to children to save for the future want the memory when you do spend the money in the far future.
And as far as "happy memories" go...

During Christmas most people have a hard time remembering the junk they received from under the tree from years past even though most parents go to financial extremes for the household budget to provide the presents... when the stuff they remember most fondly is the stuff that you did as a family to get ready for Christmas. The decorating of the tree and lights. The baking and decorating of Christmas cookies... gingerbread houses covered in frosting and candy. The shopping and shipping trips to UPS and USPS. Going to see Santa. Christmas Programs and plays.

That's the stuff that is the absolute best.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#24
Dec 15, 2018
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#24
JohnDB said:
It's possible for a guy to think that way. But it's also that he wants to "train her to think in a better manner" as well. Or it could be that he doesn't have the skills to explain his world as well and yet wants to share it with her.

And as far as putting money on a parent's commissary account...
A child should... especially if the Child is a Christian. Don't think of it as giving to a parent as much as it is giving it to God. (But don't do over $50)

Parents who give money to children to save for the future want the memory when you do spend the money in the far future.
And as far as "happy memories" go...

During Christmas most people have a hard time remembering the junk they received from under the tree from years past even though most parents go to financial extremes for the household budget to provide the presents... when the stuff they remember most fondly is the stuff that you did as a family to get ready for Christmas. The decorating of the tree and lights. The baking and decorating of Christmas cookies... gingerbread houses covered in frosting and candy. The shopping and shipping trips to UPS and USPS. Going to see Santa. Christmas Programs and plays.

That's the stuff that is the absolute best.
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hard to do when you are in prison remember.
It was a prison ministry. Rich people can celebrate christmas sure, its easy for them, but many poor families dont.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#25
Dec 15, 2018
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#25
seems abit condescending to 'train her to think in a better manner' wow

what happened was this wife had already learned american politics at university and hated the classes so really did not want to any more read about it! I guess her husband didnt know that.

She said it was confusing and complicated, and american politcs and their shenanigans did not impress her at all. He then swapped the books for ones on nz politicians, that he wanted to read.

she was a librarian, But then heres a tip - you dont as a rule give a librarian books as mostly she would have already read them or borrowed them from the library anyway. My sister gives me books and theyre a bit hit and miss. I dont know why she gives them to me when I havent asked for them, she hasnt read them herself, and I dont think she wants to train me to think in a better manner lol

she just gives them cos she wants to give something for christmas. and possibly thinks, I like books, so I know, I will give my sister a book. any book. So she gives me books that when I read them, Im like this is so boring why did you give it to me. lol. One time she gave me a book called the librarian of auschwitz. It was not a fun read. I can tell you.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#26
Dec 15, 2018
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#26
if giving a book, a good gift for a librarian would be a blank notebook or journal and a pen so she can write her own stories. It can be a nice cover. I would say thats a thoughtful gift.

Or any believer can be given a prayer journal. Just a blank book with maybe some handwritten scriptures in it.

I gave one of my teachers at the end of year a dream journal and got all my classmates to write inspirational quotes in them. she loved it.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#27
Dec 15, 2018
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#27
hmm I have NEVER had. a gingerbread house, been to a christmas play, and dont remember going out shopping, (moslty nightmarish round christmas, too many people, and limited funds) and I recall one year my mum banned me from decorating the house. she hates decorations.

What I do like is going out carolling. I think thats the only good thing about christmas that I keep as a tradition. Songs are free to sing. lol. I dress up as an angel and go door to door with my church friend. we used to do it every year at the hospital when I was little as mum worked there. we all held candles and would sing our hearts out to the elderly people lying in bed.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#28
Dec 15, 2018
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#28
GiveThanks said:
I dont think that this is generally the case with married couples that they give eachother unwanted gifts.
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my parents never give each other anything, in terms of presents. I think they are just are content with what they have. for christmas or birthdays.

Usually its just children that are given gifts. as they cant afford them themselves.
I dont expect gifts. But I know some people do. Plus whenever people go away on holidays it seems people expect gifts. But im like you dont need to go shopping for me or bring back anything. You spent enough on your ticket. Enjoy yourself.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#29
Dec 15, 2018
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#29
i recall one friend gave me a t-shirt that said Bali on it when she went away to Bali. and I was looking after her house and daughter while she was away. Maybe she wanted me to remember a place Id never been to. I dunno why she gave it to me!
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#30
Dec 15, 2018
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#30
hmm I figured out a way to stop people giving unwanted gifts
You can say to them how much do you want for it? They will then be so insulted that you want to pay them for their gift that they wont give it to you.
 
GiveThanks

GiveThanks

God Will Make A Way
#31
Dec 6, 2020
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#31
Lanolin said:
I dunno why she gave it to me!
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She gave it to you because you looked after her house and kid while she was away.

Aside from that its quite normal and sweet when someone goes on a trip and brings back a little souvenir for their friends/relatives and even people from their workplce.
Lanolin said:
hmm I figured out a way to stop people giving unwanted gifts
You can say to them how much do you want for it? They will then be so insulted that you want to pay them for their gift that they wont give it to you.
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Instead of insulting the person, you can accept the gift and pass it on to someone else or just keep it as a souvenir.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#32
Dec 15, 2018
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#32
GiveThanks said:
She gave it to you because you looked after her house and kid while she was away.

Aside from that its quite normal and sweet when someone goes on a trip and brings back a little souvenir for their friends/relatives and even people from their workplce.

Instead of insulting the person, you can accept the gift and pass it on to someone else or just keep it as a souvenir.
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she dont need to give me anything...I slept in a nice bed and got to look after her daughter.

I dont get the souvenirs thing. They might want to remember their trip but why would someone else, who never went, want to remember it? sorry. You explain that one to me...?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#33
Dec 15, 2018
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#33
maybe its the thing to give t-shirts when you go somewhere?

I went to xxx and all I got was this t shirt. WHY?
 
GiveThanks

GiveThanks

God Will Make A Way
#34
Dec 6, 2020
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#34
Lanolin said:
I went to xxx and all I got was this t shirt. WHY?
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I see. You wanted more. You wanted to have been invited on the trip.

Well we wont all get to go on a trip. But who knows what the future holds?

I hope I'll get to visit India one day. But incase i dont, if someone i knew went to India and brought back a sari for me, then oh my! I would be mighty pleased.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#35
Dec 15, 2018
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#35
GiveThanks said:
I see. You wanted more. You wanted to have been invited on the trip.

Well we wont all get to go on a trip. But who knows what the future holds?

I hope I'll get to visit India one day. But incase i dont, if someone i knew went to India and brought back a sari for me, then oh my! I would be mighty pleased.
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NO I did not want MORE
I didnt want anything. and t shirts I already have, so dont really get the t shirt thing?

would you like a t-shirt from the usa? or nz? or china? or india?

of course, if its nice to be invited to go somewhere, but in my experience when you get invited its often you have to pay your own way, so I dont really get to go many places.

Actually I was given a sari once, from someone who'd been to India but I did give it away, and but I still have a sarong from the friend who went to bali.

Its just t-shirts I guess I dont like. My mum worked in a souvenir factory and she said the t shirts were just junk. They are made in china even though they say nz on it. well most of the souvenirs just have the name of the country on it and are made in china. She really wouldnt give them to anybody.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#36
Dec 15, 2018
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#36
Getting to go places makes a wonderful gift though, I will give my time to friends rather than material things, and they dont have to drive if I am. They may want to pay but I dont charge for things.

Im supposing if you cant get out and about and spend time with that person a gift is more like a consolation? But then I supoose you might expect that gift to be kept forever.

Well often it isn't. I was reading how the royal family got given so many gifts, for the birth of their children, that they burned most of them because they had way too many and didnt want to give them away either. The servants said so.

I usually donate things to op shops which I also shop in as well. Money goes to charities. I think its fine but a lot of people use it as a dumping ground. More care needs to be taken with selecting gifts i reckon which is why its good to ask the person or give when asked, maybe its just me but I dont like waste.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#37
Dec 15, 2018
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#37
well, this year mum didnt dictate about her chinese new year gift lol

But she did say give me the lucky red envelope back. It was cos she'd run out of them and was going to give some to my cousins. In the process I made $10 cos she needed change.

I think she thought I was being rather impertinent when I asked why she was giving to my cousins, when my uncle/aunty doesnt give me and my siblings any....'oh you dont ask for a gift! you just give'

Oh ok.

Though I do think the Bible does say if you dont ask, you dont receive. But then what do you do if you havent asked and people give you stuff anyway? hmm
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#39
Dec 15, 2018
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#39
Can you say...no thank you?

Or do you have to accept a gift?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

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#40
Dec 15, 2018
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#40
Like, what if people give you drugs? And you dont want them?
 
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