Epidemic of childless and miserable 40+ men?

Ann-Marie · Mar 11, 2021

This post is in response to the recent thread title "Epidemic of childless and miserable 40+ women"

It seems to me that if there are women over 40 who are childless, there must also be men. The population is 50:50.
So, what do you all think? Are unmarried men w/o children also miserable? Or, is it only women who feel this "loss"?

BTW, I am married with children. Never divorced.

kaylagrl · Mar 11, 2021

Ann-Marie said:

Can't speak for the men. I'm over 40, married, no children, never divorced. I have health issues that made me make the choice not to have children. But I fear that people jump in to marriage and parenthood feeling it's the "thing to do". Children can bring much joy and much heartache. If you raise them wrong, ( or sometimes raise them right) they can go astray. Many a night a mother has prayed on her knees for her child to come home. So I don't feel it's a commitment to take lightly. I think sometimes people see the grass as greener until they get there and see it's been fertilized with a lot of poo.

The Bible says children are a blessing, it's a lifelong commitment. I recall my sister saying to me she needed some "me time". Out of her hearing an older friend of my mothers said "no such thing as me time, you're a mother, we never had me time in our day". People need to make thoughtful, prayerful decisions before they marry and have children. There is more than one kind of miserable.

Runningman · Mar 11, 2021

Ann-Marie said:

In my honest opinion, men and women aren't the same. The population may be roughly 1:1, but that doesn't mean priorities are proportional. I am aware of the thread you posted in, but something like this is hard to quantify.

How can we accurately measure how many literally miserable men or women there are due to being childless and 40+ years of age?

If I had to take a swing at it, I would say women are probably more miserable when they are childless. Women are the ones who are actually capable of incubating a child to birth.

So, if I had to guess, I imagine women see having children as their sacred and God-given right and gift.

As far as I can tell, men see children as good, too, but we're less involved in the process because we can only give the seed and provide the things necessary to help it grow. So, traditionally, men are more like providers.

I think the real epidemic that's a bigger problem are single 40+ men and women who are divorced and with children. The family unit is the smallest unit that composes a society and it is being destroyed.

TheIndianGirl · Mar 11, 2021

kaylagrl said:

This reminds me of a family friend complaining that her daughter-in-law loves swimming. The family friend was essentially saying, "what type of woman leaves behind her child just to go swimming?" It's not just that the mother doesn't get free time, it's also a lot of family members believe the mother doesn't deserve any free time.

TheIndianGirl · Mar 11, 2021

TheIndianGirl said:

I found this family friend unreasonable as the woman was probably only going swimming for an hour or so. Also, she was dropping off the child with the MIL, not being neglectful and leaving the child alone, etc.

TheIndianGirl · Mar 11, 2021

My observations are that some men really want to settle down, get married, have children, and be a family man. Meanwhile other men are not interested and want to "play the field." These are the same type of men who claim the baby isn't his, deny paternity tests, don't want to pay child support, etc. So, some men really do not want anything to do with settling down and fatherhood. I think the regret/any void for being unmarried/childless hits men later than women. For women, it might start at the cusp at when she is being infertile (late 30s/early 40s). For men, based on my observations maybe a decade or two later (50s/60s). I think this is one reason why men in this age group seek younger foreign wives and have children, even though this is really not a good age to have children as they are more in the "grandparent" age group and thus have less energy for kids, have more health issues, etc.

Lanolin · Mar 11, 2021

lol people are funny and also dont think that it actually takes TWO to make a baby
and that maybe the dads could actually you know, BE dads.

Lanolin · Mar 11, 2021

How about the epidemic of miserable and fatherless children?

Thats where most are at today.

1ofthem · Mar 11, 2021

I think women should at least finish college before having a family. So if something happens like divorce or the father dies or something then the woman will be able to support her self and her children if need be. I've seen many cases where women will get married right after high school, and end up with cheating or abusive men. They end up taking the abuse because they don't have any skills and are reliant on the man to provide for them. So I would say it would be wise for women to wait to have children until they finish college.

However, waiting to late 30s or 40s would be unwise. This is not a good age to have children. This puts them at higher risk for birth defects. Most of the people where I'm from are grandparents by that age. At that age they have a higher chance of dying and leaving their children. I don't know why any woman would want to wait until that age to have children, but it could be because during their 20s they see their friends and coworkers struggling to raise babies and children. Seeing what a hard job it is to take care of babies and small children, thinking well that's not really for me. Then later in their late 30s and 40s they see their friends and coworkers with their older children... when the children don't need as much help and care. They see what a close bond they have and probably change their mind then.

I mean that really is the only reason I can think of that a woman would wait to late 30s or 40s to want to have children. They just don't want the extra responsibilities and hard work that goes into it.

1ofthem · Mar 11, 2021

1ofthem said:

oops... Wrong thread...lol

I thought this the was the thread about childless women....

Anyways I guess the some of the same could go for men....

To be clear about my last post. I am not talking about women or men who try and cannot have children or for some reason cannot find the right person to marry. It would be terrible to want a family and not be able to have one.

So my previous comment, is just about women and/or men who are able to have a children and marry, but choose not to, and then become bitter about it later.

1ofthem · Mar 11, 2021

Ann-Marie said:

Sorry, I should start actually reading threads, instead of just glancing at them and posting...So I'll try to reply to the actual topic of this thread...lol

I think at some point, it would probably be the same for men as it is women. Men want a name sake someone to carry on the name and/or values for another generation at least. I think it would probably be just as devastating for men especially when they are older.

One difference though, is that men can have children at an older age so they may not be as upset in their 40s as what a woman would because women know that at the point of 40 it is less likely that they will be able to have have healthy children.

Like someone else said on here, even though men can father children at an older age. It doesn't mean they should. In my personal opinion 50 or 60 is way too old to be having a child. They are more like grandparent age. They seriously run the risk of dying before their children are even grown. That is not fair to child.

Smoke · Mar 11, 2021

Lanolin said:

It's seen as a racist point/argument to bring up fatherless in the US because of the disproportionate rate of it within the Black community. It's not something many people want to discuss... but I agree with you, it's an epidemic.

1ofthem · Mar 11, 2021

Smoke said:

Well that is terrible. You can't discuss anything nowadays without being considered a racist.

It think that is what is becoming an epidemic. Pandering to certain groups of people and labelling everyone else racists.

People who come up with bull are the racists. They are the ones that divide everything by race and see color in everything.

kaylagrl · Mar 11, 2021

TheIndianGirl said:

I think as with anything there needs to be balance. My sister is a great mom. My nephews are great kids, respectful, helpful, love to see them coming to visit. And all of that is thanks to how my sister has raised them.

Nehemiah6 · Mar 11, 2021

Smoke said:

But two threads on the same topic? The problem is that you can present solutions until the cows come home, but they are generally ignored. There is a solution for everything, but sometimes it means serious changes in how people think and act, and how they allow the media and society to dictate to them. The primary solution is that first of all people need to repent and be converted. But men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil (John 3:19).

There is no question that the race card is being played for all its worth. Now its time to call out the racists who are playing that card.

Subhumanoidal · Mar 11, 2021

Ann-Marie said:

I believe mothers have a stronger parental desire, on average. And that is why the article was based on women. But with feminism changing the role of women, women have likely been less prone to have children, instead choosing a career. But later in life regretting that decision since.

Men, on average, have different reasons for wanting children, and seem more prone to not wanting them.
And men who want children are less likely to pick a woman who doesn't. And those that marry women who don't I'd imagine are more content with that decision.

Women carry the babies, thus there is a biological component to having children that men lack.
So I believe men who make that choice are less prone to regretting it later in life.

Moses_Young · Mar 12, 2021

Ann-Marie said:

I think it's different for men, because men can always marry a younger woman and have children. Women usually can't marry a younger man and get the same result.

GiveThanks · Mar 12, 2021

Moses_Young said:

No. Not all of them. Older men who are broke and struggling to get by may not have this option.

Ann-Marie · Mar 14, 2021

Moses_Young said:

That depends. Usually a great age difference man 20 years older (as an example) occurrs when a man has a lot of money. Like Trump and other very wealthy men. A 30 year old women is just not interested in a 60 year old man unless he has alot of money. I never was. To me, at that age, a man over 50 was like a father figure.

The average age difference across all age spans between men and women is 2 to 5 years.

Women can/and do marry younger men ... again very much younger, you have the same issue as with men marrying much younger women. .

Oh, and they are discovering that older men means older sperm which has the same dangers of kids with genetic and other problems as happens with older women.

But the question really was: do men miss having kids/being married? We think women want kids more, but many many men .. men reading this .. I know... love their children deeply.

Thanks for the great and thoughtful comments. Someone said it is the same topic twice. No, it is the same subject MATTER, but it is men insread of women.

I think we all (men and women) have more in common than ways we are different when it comes to the family.
I hope so, or the famly is doomed.

Moses_Young · Mar 16, 2021

GiveThanks said:

I didn't think money had anything to do with virility, but I guess it might.

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