A few months ago, I was told off by a former friend (who then terminated contact with me, probably the best thing for both of us) for various reasons, but... well, we were bad for each other's mental health anyway, and highly incompatible, plus we had genuinely grown apart.
However, one of the things she said to me stuck in my mind... that I don't take responsibility for my actions or emotions, (according to her, anyway) and that she holds no responsibility for anything I do.
She really did have a fair point, because she has enough mental issues of her own (and she doesn't need my own unchecked mental issues effecting her when she's struggling to make it on her own) and she already has a fulltime job with three children, a job in the making, and she's a part-time college student.
Nevertheless... I wanted to branch off from this a tad and, by extension, focus on one specific theme: Who is really responsible? Is there one-size-fits-all when it comes to holding someone accountable, or do you think it can legitimately vary from individual case to individual case?
I mean, look at it this way for a moment. There are at least SOME cases where even people in Christian circles have told me that I am sinning by holding onto a grudge, or staying mad at someone. I even had a preacher tell me to my face about a year ago, when I presented these issues to him, that I need to let things go because the Bible itself says that if I don't forgive, God won't forgive, etc etc. (Not denying this.)
But.... I also feel that it is a rather automatic response from Christians sometimes, perhaps a bit TOO automatic. Because.... what if, in some cases, if anyone bothered to get to know an individual and spend more time with them and learn how they tick, more about their background and environment, etc... you might learn that maybe, just maybe, the person is not necessarily SINNING (even if, yes, they could be) but it could ALSO be that they legitimately haven't learned how to work through issues with other people, or within themselves?
On the one hand, it just seems like there are a lot of Christians who, sometimes anyway, make a premature "diagnosis", mention a couple of Bible verses, and there ya go, you should be all fixed now and if you can't do as instructed, there's clearly something wrong with you or you're ignoring what was said... I guess? Like human beings aren't individual, but assembly line car models that just need a little tweaking.
But on the other hand... I can also understand that fellow adults, in an adult world, do not have the time or energy to take an emotionally stunted adult under their wing when they have enough to contend with in their own sphere. It reminds me somewhat of a story someone told me on Quora once, about how a young, barely-grown magpie refused to venture off on its own because it didn't have the confidence to hop down from the roof someone's backyard shed... and it kept hopping around with its mouth open, expecting its parents to come back and feed it, even though they were long gone. And the Quora person said, on the topic of children growing up, "Did this magpie expect some other adult magpie to come along and take pity on it, so it could remain in infancy forever?"
In answer.... that probably wouldn't happen, because those other magpies would be focused on raising their own children, a full time in of itself, and this young adult magpie should be focused on finding its own food and possibly finding a mate to replenish its species. (Or if it's that dumb... it might be doing its species a service to allow itself to starve to death to make room for healthier/brighter specimens....)
Of course that's not very nice. I mean... sometimes, there are some individuals who are just... slower at catching on. Sometimes it can be laziness, but... some just learn differently.
In the end though... Sometimes, I just wonder.... when push comes to shove, WHO is really responsible, if someone got left behind or failed to learn basic things for any number of reasons?
I mean, it seems like the easiest and quickest response most people give whenever someone isn't acting right in some way is to simply assume, "This person is sinning, I can fix this with a Bible verse" or "This person is a pest/isn't acting right/I'm tired of their behavior, DITCH TIME."
To some extent, I would say that it is an individual's personal responsibility to be aware of their actions, words, attitudes, and anything else that may effect others around them, negatively or otherwise. At the same time, it is the parents' responsibility to try and teach their children proper social skills, and even they can have their own limitations due to busy schedules and other issues.
But I guess I just wanted to present this question: How do you define responsibility? And can you really pass judgement on someone if they simply didn't have the same training as someone else, or if they have something else going on (including mental issues) where they are slower at learning?
Of course.... I am fully onboard with cutting someone out of your life if it just isn't working and if both parties are more toxic to each other than anything, or if one side shows they have no interest in improving. But at the same time... I just sometimes feel like, especially in our modern-day society... there are too many people out there who just look for "quick fixes" and don't have the time or patience to really deal with someone, work with that person, or understand them.
However, one of the things she said to me stuck in my mind... that I don't take responsibility for my actions or emotions, (according to her, anyway) and that she holds no responsibility for anything I do.
She really did have a fair point, because she has enough mental issues of her own (and she doesn't need my own unchecked mental issues effecting her when she's struggling to make it on her own) and she already has a fulltime job with three children, a job in the making, and she's a part-time college student.
Nevertheless... I wanted to branch off from this a tad and, by extension, focus on one specific theme: Who is really responsible? Is there one-size-fits-all when it comes to holding someone accountable, or do you think it can legitimately vary from individual case to individual case?
I mean, look at it this way for a moment. There are at least SOME cases where even people in Christian circles have told me that I am sinning by holding onto a grudge, or staying mad at someone. I even had a preacher tell me to my face about a year ago, when I presented these issues to him, that I need to let things go because the Bible itself says that if I don't forgive, God won't forgive, etc etc. (Not denying this.)
But.... I also feel that it is a rather automatic response from Christians sometimes, perhaps a bit TOO automatic. Because.... what if, in some cases, if anyone bothered to get to know an individual and spend more time with them and learn how they tick, more about their background and environment, etc... you might learn that maybe, just maybe, the person is not necessarily SINNING (even if, yes, they could be) but it could ALSO be that they legitimately haven't learned how to work through issues with other people, or within themselves?
On the one hand, it just seems like there are a lot of Christians who, sometimes anyway, make a premature "diagnosis", mention a couple of Bible verses, and there ya go, you should be all fixed now and if you can't do as instructed, there's clearly something wrong with you or you're ignoring what was said... I guess? Like human beings aren't individual, but assembly line car models that just need a little tweaking.
But on the other hand... I can also understand that fellow adults, in an adult world, do not have the time or energy to take an emotionally stunted adult under their wing when they have enough to contend with in their own sphere. It reminds me somewhat of a story someone told me on Quora once, about how a young, barely-grown magpie refused to venture off on its own because it didn't have the confidence to hop down from the roof someone's backyard shed... and it kept hopping around with its mouth open, expecting its parents to come back and feed it, even though they were long gone. And the Quora person said, on the topic of children growing up, "Did this magpie expect some other adult magpie to come along and take pity on it, so it could remain in infancy forever?"
In answer.... that probably wouldn't happen, because those other magpies would be focused on raising their own children, a full time in of itself, and this young adult magpie should be focused on finding its own food and possibly finding a mate to replenish its species. (Or if it's that dumb... it might be doing its species a service to allow itself to starve to death to make room for healthier/brighter specimens....)
Of course that's not very nice. I mean... sometimes, there are some individuals who are just... slower at catching on. Sometimes it can be laziness, but... some just learn differently.
In the end though... Sometimes, I just wonder.... when push comes to shove, WHO is really responsible, if someone got left behind or failed to learn basic things for any number of reasons?
I mean, it seems like the easiest and quickest response most people give whenever someone isn't acting right in some way is to simply assume, "This person is sinning, I can fix this with a Bible verse" or "This person is a pest/isn't acting right/I'm tired of their behavior, DITCH TIME."
To some extent, I would say that it is an individual's personal responsibility to be aware of their actions, words, attitudes, and anything else that may effect others around them, negatively or otherwise. At the same time, it is the parents' responsibility to try and teach their children proper social skills, and even they can have their own limitations due to busy schedules and other issues.
But I guess I just wanted to present this question: How do you define responsibility? And can you really pass judgement on someone if they simply didn't have the same training as someone else, or if they have something else going on (including mental issues) where they are slower at learning?
Of course.... I am fully onboard with cutting someone out of your life if it just isn't working and if both parties are more toxic to each other than anything, or if one side shows they have no interest in improving. But at the same time... I just sometimes feel like, especially in our modern-day society... there are too many people out there who just look for "quick fixes" and don't have the time or patience to really deal with someone, work with that person, or understand them.
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So, it's a verse that I try to remember because, as I know you know, dealing with other people can be extremely trying at times 
