strategies for dealing with...the difficult mother

Does anybody have this, well you are not alone
How do you cope though

Its not that you can ever leave or run away from your mother as she will always find a way even if you moved a continent away.

And you cannot always please or placate your mother, as your efforts will never be 'good enough' if you are not deemed 'the golden child' who can do no wrong (if this is you, maybe theres another downside to always being right or being the one who gets away with everything)

Please share.
I have come to accept that some mothers will never be the ideal mothers that we dream of, who do basic mother things like encourage us when we are down or comfort us. But its a hard road and that hole is always there wanting filled. There will also come a time when your mother is ill or unwell and then family obligation look after her will kick in, what do you do, even if shes abused you and will never stop giving you a hard time?

Forgive her. For everything she's ever done wrong, real or imagined. "Impossible," I hear you say. For people, yes. For God, no problem. I had a similar problem with my father. When God sorted me out on the issue, my relationship improved out of sight. Dad was an aggressive atheist and I was the antithesis of all that he held dear.

Read this article. It's quite long but well worth it. https://www.christianlife.org.au/can-you-forgive-from-your-heart

How did your dog react?

Does anybody have this, well you are not alone
How do you cope though

Its not that you can ever leave or run away from your mother as she will always find a way even if you moved a continent away.

And you cannot always please or placate your mother, as your efforts will never be 'good enough' if you are not deemed 'the golden child' who can do no wrong (if this is you, maybe theres another downside to always being right or being the one who gets away with everything)

Please share.
I have come to accept that some mothers will never be the ideal mothers that we dream of, who do basic mother things like encourage us when we are down or comfort us. But its a hard road and that hole is always there wanting filled. There will also come a time when your mother is ill or unwell and then family obligation look after her will kick in, what do you do, even if shes abused you and will never stop giving you a hard time?

well at least I know Jesus was in same boat. His mum probably followed him round, nagging him to wear something warm, saying dont go to eat with sinners and publicans, probably didnt want him hanging round his raggedy fishing mates. I can imagine all she would go why not marry some nice Jewish girl arranging dates and hinting at children. She probably wanted to prepare the whole passover meal but would be like. dont invite your friends Jesus. Just keep it in the family.

Its not said in the Bible but I know widows tend to become quite possesive of their children if they dont marry again.

If it wasnt like that, then I cant picture what Jesus relationship with his mum was really like...?!

Dogs, unlike humans, accept what humans do. The dog kept to his work of protecting me from any human who wished me harm.

I don't know about that. Mary knew who Jesus was. He wasn't like her other sons.
I see a good "take" on her character in the free series "The Chosen".

I know well the type of mother that you speak of. Never has a kind work, always speaking negative into you life, never encouraging you in anything, in fact always saying you can't do that. Wondering over the years why your mother hates you so much. It is a hard road. And never was it made easy with her. She seemed clueless to what she did or always justified it.

Then the time came in her life that she needed care. I was the only daughter and the only one who lived close so of course it fell to me. As I had to start taking over and more the hate for me spewed from her mouth. And i though God how am I going to do this.

He finally gave me a new perspective on her. I stepped back and look at her as not my mother but a person separated from me. A little girl who once had hope's and dreams and how sadly her life has turned out. How unfulfilled all her dreams had became. And here she is at the end of the road and very bitter and very angry. Somehow this helped me to not take it personal and was able to just do what needed to be done.

The last two years of her life she had to live with me and i got to see a different person. As she had gotten though the anger of losing freedoms and needing help her anger begin to subside and it was replaced with an appreciation and a thoughtfulness that i had never experienced from her. She was in my home with my children and greats around when she took her last breath.

I am glad that we had those last two years. It gave me the chance to really forgive her.

You have to cultivate an air of not caring. Or what friends of alcoholics call detachment

Mum hates me, so what. Thats HER problem, and its her loss!

I forgot to do something and mum had a fit
Never gave me a chance to explain, just assumed I was negelecting something deliberately. You can never have a memory lapse around a mother.

I was like OK GOD if she doesnt like being a mother so much, why did she have me. Imagine being falsely accused of things you dont do, and being blamed, every day. She will make up things that she imagines you do, just to make the case that you are a stupid and wrong person.