Testimony in Five Parts...1.The Call

1. The call…

So, several years ago retirement was just peeking over the horizon. A career in public service meant the golden years would take a little more planning than most. Then came “the phone call”. I was instantly thrust into the role of caregiver. This has been both the most challenging and the most rewarding experience of my life.

The first couple of years passed by unimaginably fast. One crisis followed short on the heels of another. Eventually the appointments, hospitalizations, mobility issues and sleep deprivation eased and life settled into a routine.

The new responsibilities of daily life provide me with extra time; both a blessing and a curse. It has been a blessing to care for another, but a struggle to deal with my need for stimulation and intellectual challenges. Missing the stimulation of career, my mind seems to flounder. This challenge is real, difficult things began to occur. Samsara can be a daily reality; and a bitch.

2. Only 80 more…

To maintain sanity, two challenges came to mind. First, to learn how to cook. (Basic housekeeping is a no brainer). More importantly, to spend my free hours becoming closer to my Creator. Stimulated in part by A. W. Tozer’s little book, The Pursuit of God, a totally arbitrary and unreasonable goal was identified. I would read 100 classic Christian books to occupy my mind and further the quest to come closer to God. This was completely arbitrary and a slightly deluded goal. I cannot recommend this unless you have eaten too much of your own cooking. (I’m still struggling with that first challenge).

Being at lease half-way intelligent, and my folly becoming quickly apparent; I searched the shelves of my little library and identified about 20 previously read “classics” that fit my goal. Now there were only eighty more to go!

3. 99 Classic Books on the Shelf…99 Books on the shelf

I plunged in. The first couple of books were easy, they were titles that had always been on my agenda. After that, the challenge was to identify and locate good titles. Just because a book is a “classic” does not mean it can hold my interest long enough to finish. There were also a couple of well-reviewed books that were unacceptable and contrary to my beliefs. Finding became a real challenge, more difficult than expected.

Five years have passed, sometimes easy and sometimes difficult. My interest waxed and waned, but always returned if a short rest was taken. My latest book, a little Puritan jewel by Thomas Brooks, Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices (highly recommended) is number 99 on my list. Now I pause before deciding which should become the hundredth (Recommendations encouraged).

4. The Alpha and the Omega…

These past five years have been profound. While difficult, sometimes feeling closer, sometimes feeling like a Judas; my faith is now very different. Time and judgement will eventually validate or condemn my experience.

Some results of my journey. (Please know, none of this is judgmental, this is where I have been led. There is no interest whatsoever to criticize or challenge the faith of any man).

I do feel I have a closer and deeper relationship with God. My understanding of His power and grace has expanded exponentially. I no longer see Elohim or Yeshua Hamashiach as I once did. Before, my vision was from a New Testament view. Now I look through the lens of the full Word, the entire Scripture, beginning to end. If anything, the Old Testament is now my starting point. The early actions and commands of Elohim hold a renewed fascination.

I find that I can no longer refer to The Messiah by his pagan name, the word gets stuck in my throat and tangled on my tongue. There is no issue with how others say his name, this discomfort is my own creation.

My view of the Constantinian Church has turned on itself. Awareness of the pagan and political roots of church has always created ambivalence. (Again please, there is no judgement here). I still struggle with the conundrum presented by organized worship. In truth, the history of the church and the quality of the faithful is a testament to God’s grace and just cannot be minimized or ignored. Nor can its sin and arrogance be forgotten. I realize confusion has come from trying to place organized religion as my primary focus; and not secondary or perhaps irrelevant to true faith. His grace moves where it will.

The” Assembly” initiated by The Messiah has never failed and continues strong and undeterred to this day. It depends on no structure or authority, but is enacted face-to-face by those faithful who are dedicated to the words of Yeshua. I call this “bad breath” ministry, it must be up close and personal. It cannot be defeated, subdued or deferred. It has been courted, banned, martyred, corrupted, co-opt and subverted; and yet it moves. It will persevere until the end.

5. A Shofar and a Tallit…

While I read, an open bible is always before me. Some books require as much time in reference as in reading. Very little value is found in citing of chapter and verse. Sometimes this does a disservice to the truth. Originally there was no such bible index. Breaking truth down into individual thoughts can be dangerous. Context is everything.

Orthodoxy is irrelevant. Elohim sees into the heart.

Finally, the reading has convinced me that there has been an end to sin and transgression, the wicked have atoned, that everlasting righteousness has been purchased and that visions and prophecies have ended. My interest is to gain greater understanding of Yeshua and how He blends his truth with His traditional worship. That’s where the path has led. The issue with Constantinian religion will take some more work, for now my closet will have to suffice.

This while awaiting with anticipation for the return of Yeshua Hamashiach.

No, I have not but will check it out. Thank You!

I was a caregiver to my late second wife for years. I have an understanding about crisis, appointments, hospitalizations, mobility issues and sleep deprivation. A rewarding experience, yes but unimaginably hard. I did not get a phone call but I did indeed get a call.

Some things just have to be experienced. I cannot imagine an experience like this without faith.

I fully agree that faith is an integral part of the equation.

My fave of his is The Greatest Miracle In The World.
Others might recommend The Greatest Salesman
in the World. His works were inspired by the Bible

You are welcome