Hi. I’m new here

Hi you can call me Chowder. I’ve never used any of these forum/chat room websites before, but I feel like I need to share my story or my problems or whatever you want to call it. When I was younger I was a Christian but over the years I started to grow away from god, and almost thought I didn’t need him, like I could take care of myself and my problems. I never stopped believing in god, I just didn’t live like I should and I didn’t pray much. And stayed like that for years. And started sinning more and more. And years went by without me trying to stop or ask for forgiveness for what I did. I was sinning so much it like an addiction, I couldn’t stop. And one day I was working out and I got over heated or over exhausted or something I still don’t really know, but I had a panic attack because I was worried about it, and I never had a panic attack before so I didn’t know what was happening, and it scared me because I actually thought I was dying or maybe having a heart attack, I was so scared because I didn’t know if I dyed if I would go hell or not, and I thought right then I need god in my life, but it still took awhile, after that I would pray once or twice a day because I felt like I had to not because I wanted to. So a few months later I still wasn’t living right, and felt good again so I started going back to sin, but each time I felt bad after and I would tell god I was sorry and it wouldn’t happen again, but the next day I would do the same thing again, then one day out of nowhere a got really anxious and started worrying about what I had been doing, after that I started having anxiety problems, and it got pretty bad, I was 24 at the time and I didn’t know how to get over it, i so scared a couple of nights my mom actually had to stay in my room with me so could go to sleep, a 24 year old man and I could even go sleep by myself, I felt like a little kid again and I knew I had to change, but I still felt like I had an addiction when it came to sin. So it took close to two years, a lot of anxiety, and few Panic attacks and a lot of prayer, but I finally have gotten over that addiction, and have gotten closer to god. I still feel like I have a long way to go to get where I need to be, because I still have some anxiety and I need to have more faith in god, I have faith but when things start getting hard I start to worry, instead of having faith and trusting god, so if any of you have any helpful information, any tips, or if you just want to pray for me, I would really appreciate it.


That was actually really hard for me to say, but I’m happy I did. Also wanted to say sorry for any miss spellings or bad grammar

The question of what happens after death has also been bothering me a lot lately as I very recently, lost my dear father who i was very close to. I never could live up to his expectations and spent the best part of my life trying to make it up to him. His loss was quite sudden just when I thought that we were finally beginning to bond. I feel like a rudderless ship simply drifting along. I so desperately want another chance with him, if ever that were possible.

The question of what happens after death has also been bothering me a lot lately as I very recently, lost my dear father who i was very close to. I never could live up to his expectations and spent the best part of my life trying to make it up to him. His loss was quite sudden just when I thought that we were finally beginning to bond. I feel like a rudderless ship simply drifting along. I so desperately want another chance with him, if ever that were possible.

That was actually really hard for me to say, but I’m happy I did.