Modern Christian Terms

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Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,913
8,167
113
#1
Coughering: When somebody in a pew in front of you coughed right as the offering pan was passed. "Uh... I'll just give a coughering this time. I'll add what I was going to give to next week's offering. And hey, y'all might wanna wear gloves when you count that."

Rock Of Ages: The pebble you picked up in a video game, and now you can't sell it or throw it away because it's marked as a quest item, but you have no idea what quest it goes with, so it sits in your inventory mocking you for the rest of the game.

Dox Trot: A modern Doxology remix with a good beat you could dance to. (There actually are some, although I don't know of any that are called The Dox Trot. Fire Choir makes a good Doxology remix.)

Pole Position: That seat on the end of the pew, right by the exit door, always occupied by that one person who can't wait for the last "Amen" before bailing out and heading for the restaurant. "You know we gotta beat the (other denomination) there if we want to get a good seat."



Anybody else want to chip in?
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
24,913
8,167
113
#2
Prayola Time: When the pastor announces a need for which contributions are needed, and it's time for me to go to God in prayer and ask if there is any ethical way I can get out of contributing for this one.
 

RodB651

Well-known member
Feb 11, 2021
458
295
63
#3
The "Dear Sisters".. That group of old ladies that have something to say about every thing and everybody... every service!
 

Gojira

Well-known member
Jul 20, 2021
5,718
2,308
113
Mesa, AZ
#4
"Seasons"... what everyone else would call a chapter or a period of one's life.

"Weep"... what everyone else calls "cry".

Lord I hate Christianese.