Online Dating 101

Just curious, which site was it? I hear some are worse than others.

Just curious, which site was it? I hear some are worse than others.

While I haven't yet done online dating, I have decided that if I ever do my profile will have enough teasers in it ( picture of me petting tiger, comments about travels, maybe my dog, comments about faith, etc) that there will be plenty of potential specific follow up / tell me more questions for an interested party to ask. Then I will feel perfectly justified in not responding to any generic " hi I like your profile" messages that show zero evidence of having read my profile. So my only advice would be if a guy can't tell you what he likes about your profile (other than the picture is female) then he's not worth opening communications with. But like I said, zero real world experience because I don't want it enough to be bothered doing the work.

In my experience... even "Christian" dating websites were not immune to being a "free-for-all" for physical intimacy hookups.

But my knowledge now is over a dozen years out of date....and obviously worthless now as to the culture of these sites.

"Do I greet her with flowers?" Was a hotly debated topic amongst the guys when they were successful in "hooking up" for a temporary relationship.

That's absolutely true. I was married to a dangerous man for 17 years. I never thought it would happen to me. Never again.

But what I wanted to contribute to this thread is ... I tried online dating just once. About 2 years ago. I wasn't actively looking for a spouse. Just folks to talk to. I made sure my profile clearly stated that I am a Christian.

So I met a very nice man who lived only about an hour away. We immediately began chatting like teenagers. But it came to a screeching halt when I made it clear I had no intention of jumping into bed with him. He was astounded! But I've been down that disasterous road before, and now I am determined to follow God's will for my life. The guy actually took it well, and we agreed to end it before wasting anymore time. I closed my account because I realized that wasn't the right place for me.

See,
The intentional hook up is not ever going to work...it never has before in the entirety of human history. The book of Proverbs has little snippets talking about women looking for men...with dire warnings and cautions.

But nevermind using the formula that is known not to work... keep using it and expect a different result.

There are worse things than being alone...and being isolated with a tormenter that knows everything about you is one.

What is so wrong with just looking for friends? People to do stuff with and talk with. People who you like. Having dinner parties/potluck with for an evening of adult conversation and laughs. (I mean instead of children)

No expectations for a relationship that would be forced anyway because you simply don't know each other well enough. It's ok to be flirty fun so long as the flirty is lighthearted and not dirty/perverted/sexual.

And really watch and get to know people that can be great friends. That was my formula that worked fairly well. I wasn't ever "on the hunt" and the relationships I had were all friendships. And the very few times I requested to have an even closer relationship with a woman...it was always taken very serious and considered studiously...I never got rejected out of hand, laughed at or something equally disparaging.
I made hundreds of friends...still have many of them. Occasionally we still talk but they know that I'm happily married and they don't want to disrupt my marriage.

But I did see many people go through the fruitless persuit of intentionally joining dating sites and get heartbroken and used for schemes countless times. It's still a great way to make money by creating dating sites. Even though they have a lousy long term track record. Short term? Good...but long term they are horrible.
(At least for Christians)

Your message is conveying a lot of points. Frankly, some I do NOT like what you are implying.
I am not a woman that lures men to their demise.
I am aware of not settling for less and being stuck in a unhappy marriage. I am not doing that.
And I am aware there are worse things then being alone. I am doing well being alone FYI. Thank you God!
And Looking for friendships. On those apps, the men dont read, and if they did, they want to be your real 'good' 'friend'.
And people lie. And friends lie. And some people are good as a friend but not good as a spouse. And some friends, no matter how good of a friend they are, does not mean you want to marry them. And be with them.
And some marry their best friend and find out, it's just that, friends. Like roommates.
Your scenario doesn't guarantee or always working out either.
But good for you that it did. Hooray.

Howdy Donna and welcome to the forum.

You have found the default chill place in the forum for people to hang out and kibitz. The Singles Forum has evolved to have singles and married people (we keep the married ones around because they are cool, and because we value their input on various topics... and some of them started here when they were single, and we don't have the heart to kick them out.) We don't have the arguing and drama that can be found in some of the forums. At least usually... Sometimes we get some seepage from another forum, but it usually clears up fast.

Reading this post of yours, I get the feeling you're gonna fit right in just fine.

Your message is conveying a lot of points. Frankly, some I do NOT like what you are implying.
I am not a woman that lures men to their demise.
I am aware of not settling for less and being stuck in a unhappy marriage. I am not doing that.
And I am aware there are worse things then being alone. I am doing well being alone FYI. Thank you God!
And Looking for friendships. On those apps, the men dont read, and if they did, they want to be your real 'good' 'friend'.
And people lie. And friends lie. And some people are good as a friend but not good as a spouse. And some friends, no matter how good of a friend they are, does not mean you want to marry them. And be with them.
And some marry their best friend and find out, it's just that, friends. Like roommates.
Your scenario doesn't guarantee or always working out either.
But good for you that it did. Hooray.