What is Biblical marriage?

It has been a curiosity to me for a long time as to why there are no specific directions for how to get married in the Bible. Marriage permeates our daily life and the fabric of our cultures and society yet the Bible is curiously silent on the topic.

Marriages are mentioned in the Bible, but are there any examples of vows, ceremony, documents, etc. Why?

Today I had a thought about this verse:

Matthew 5:28
28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

So if a man or woman looks at someone to lust after them then they have committed adultery with them in their heart.

By process of reverse engineering Matt. 5:28, the implication is that if adultery occurs in the heart then marriage occurs in the heart, too.

Does this explain why there is no clearcut criteria for marriage in the Bible? We just need to look a little deeper and read between the lines a bit.

I believe that it seems logical to me that true marriage occurs in the heart. A document and ceremony doesn't validate a marriage. As we know there are plenty of loveless sham marriages.

So what are your thoughts/opinions/debates/rebukes/etc? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I 'think' that Jesus said there is no Divorce either.

God defined marriage in Genesis 2:24 - That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Obviously "one flesh" is a euphemism for sex. And we know from Matt 19:4-6 the "rest of the story".

4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’
5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

So we see that marriage in God's economy is permanent. Therefore, a marriage is a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman. In the OT, when a young man brought a young woman into his tent and they became "one flesh", that was the consummation of what God was describing.


In the beginning, that was correct. However, fast forward, and a marriage is validated by a document, at least.

However, I believe there are "common law" marriages, which is a marriage is viewed as legal when a man and woman have lived together for 7 years, or something like that.


Interesting question!

God defined marriage in Genesis 2:24 - That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Obviously "one flesh" is a euphemism for sex. And we know from Matt 19:4-6 the "rest of the story".

4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’
5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

So we see that marriage in God's economy is permanent. Therefore, a marriage is a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman. In the OT, when a young man brought a young woman into his tent and they became "one flesh", that was the consummation of what God was describing.


In the beginning, that was correct. However, fast forward, and a marriage is validated by a document, at least.

However, I believe there are "common law" marriages, which is a marriage is viewed as legal when a man and woman have lived together for 7 years, or something like that.


Interesting question!

You have to apply for common law marriage status from the court. Then it is made legal.

I know that the secular world has their own definitions and guidelines for what constitutes a legal marriage, but what if those definitions and guidelines are not in accordance with Biblical marriage? Do you think we should honor secular laws that redefine and change God's original designs?

I'd rather have an "illegal" marriage based on the type of marriage Christ spoke about.

Christ spoke about a wedding procession where friends of the Groom waited with burning lamps to join in a procession where the Groom would go into the wedding feast with a bunch of people and which was usually hosted by the Brides Father.

So if you are going to used things Jesus said about weddings as your guide you would want to incorporate that in part of your wedding ceremonies. It would be only then that you could say you did it the way Jesus spoke about it. Isn't that correct?

And if so, then there would be lots of people involved who witnessed this wedding we are talking about.

Shall we discuss some other scriptures where Jesus refers to the Jewish wedding ceremonies. Since his readers understood him in the light of the culture in which they lived they also knew that these marriage requirements involved documented contracts and recordings.

So we can't ignore all that and suggest that Jesus said anything to dissuade these traditions. His using them as examples in his parables suggests that he condoned them correct?

You have to apply for common law marriage status from the court. Then it is made legal. There is no such thing as automatic.

I know that the secular world has their own definitions and guidelines for what constitutes a legal marriage, but what if those definitions and guidelines are not in accordance with Biblical marriage? Do you think we should honor secular laws that redefine and change God's original designs?

You have already been shown that the biblical marriage included contracts, written documents and records stored in the Jewish Royal Court and included more ceremonies than even the western version of marriage.

It seems that you are wanting to ignore history and written documentation found in the rabbinical writings concerning the ANCIENT Jewish wedding details and claim it is not in the bible, which it is.

Except the whole concept of marriage began in the garden of Eden. When there weren't any Jews around.


You're not going back FAR ENOUGH in history.

You have already been shown that the biblical marriage included contracts, written documents and records stored in the Jewish Royal Court and included more ceremonies than even the western version of marriage. It seems that you are wanting to ignore history and written documentation found in the rabbinical writings concerning the ANCIENT Jewish wedding details and claim it is not in the bible, which it is.

You keep appealing to an idea you have that is based on extreme.. and I stress extreme ignorance of the facts of Jewish weddings and claim that it is not in the bible when all those who are well read in biblical literature are wondering how you could have missed it.

I suggest you abandon your efforts of building a made-up theology about marriage based on ignorance and study the bible searching for these details that you thought were not there. Start a list. Once you have searched all the scriptures you will have discovered many details that you over looked. Some of which have already been pointed out to you but you seem to be rejecting them because they destroy your ideas that contracts and written documents witnessed by government (Jews had a government and kept records of marriages and no one doubts this who has read even one book on biblical history). Once you concede that this "lack of detail" you speak of is a phantom of your own imagination you can move on to the truth that contracts, written documents, witnesses, and even family approval was all part of ancient Jewish weddings and you cannot use Adam and Eve for your argument.

Stop pretending like your questions were not answered and trying to forcefully present an idea based on ignorance. Your line of reasoning is not persuading anyone but those who refuse to acknowledge the historical documented facts concerning the ancient Jewish wedding requirements you appear to be belligerently ignoring. I might have misjudged you but this is how your responses appear to me.

There is no question that written contracts and witnesses were involved in all marriages recognized by God and men in Bible times. Keep studying and you will soon be convinced that there is plenty of historical evidence for this.

Marriage was very much a societal event. It was never something done between a couple in secret. Appealing to Adam and Eve is an argument based on silence. We don't know what happened there because it is not revealed.

What we do know is that there were rules and laws in Jewish culture and they did not allow living together without marriage which included contracts, documents, recording in the Jewish courts and you seem to be attempting to ignore that and pretend "we don't know" when we most assuredly do. You might not know but that does not mean these details are not known by those who have read about them. You just haven't got there yet. Don't run off and create a theory and be so cock sure about it before you have completed your research or you will soon find that your entire theory was based on ignorance of well documented historical facts. Stay humble and keep reading before you form an opinion. And by all means listen to those who are trying to steer you away from any idea that could be considered sin. Don't get near a questionable theory that might result in rebellion against the known will of God.

This whole pushing an idea that is based on ignorance of history is glaringly obvious to those who know the history of Jewish culture.

You brought the topic up as if you wanted to know, and then when you find out that there are historical records to prove that the Jews had marriage contracts, written documents, and requirements that had to be met for marriages to be RECOGNIZED BY SOCIETY you seem to come across as if you want to "pretend" like none of these facts contribute to the answer "what is a biblical marriage" when they most certainly do.

Bottom Line. The idea that needing a license, exchanging vows, witnesses, state recognition, recording of documents of official weddings is not biblical is based on extreme ignorance. Sorry if that hurts but sometimes a little pain is required for us to self correct. And hopefully learn from our mistakes.

I 'think' that Jesus said there is no Divorce either.

Incorrect. He used them because that was how Jewish people were conducting marriages. Man always adds onto things like this. Man did that to God's original and pure form of marriage. The Jews added so much to everything it caused the law of God to be polluted. BTW, are you married and did you have a Jewish wedding? You seem to promote Jewish wedding as the only valid way to marry

Your scathing rebuke didn't hurt. in post #1 I said I welcome any criticism. I'm just happy to see you speak your mind and I encourage that.

I'm not so ignorant of Jewish weddings either, but I'm not Jewish nor am I bound to any of their laws, regulations, traditions, etc. I don't have any issues with what they do nor am I saying they're wrong for choosing to do what they do, but that's not for me.

Furthermore, there isn't any clearcut guidelines for Christian marriages in the Bible except something like leaving your parents and becoming one flesh with a woman. No commands about which customs to follow, vows to be taken certificates to produce, etc. Actually, it looks like Jesus said making vows is a sin.

I'm a Sola Scriptura kind of person. I wouldn't have asked this question had there been a bounty of relevant information on this topic.

So far what I am seeing is that true marriage occurs in the heart, that a physical marriage occurs when two people sleep together, and that someone is considered married to whichever person they sleep with even if that's multiple people.

I have sourced this information from a variety of Biblical sources, including the story of Jesus and the woman at the well in John 4:16-18, Genesis 2:24, Matthew 5:28, and 1 Corinthians 6:16.

Jesus did not say anything negative about these marriage traditions nor did he include them in his rebuke of the Pharisees methods of teaching traditions that ignored the commandments of God.

And he also did not say anything negative about the type of marriage Adam and Eve had and used it to teach about marriage which remains valid to this day.