My wife is having a breakdown

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TheLearner

Well-known member
Jan 14, 2019
8,172
1,571
113
68
Brighton, MI
#1
My Brother Larry is at home from Colon Surgery with the bag.
My Wife and me are changing the bag. This has been stressful on both of us.
We want Larry to change his own bag. He refuses to do it.
 

Rosemaryx

Senior Member
May 3, 2017
3,754
4,119
113
63
#2
Maybe he is in denial...
It will be a great shock to him...
Give him time , and pray that God ignites in you both the Patience from the Holy Spirit...
Whatever we do , remember we do it unto the LORD...
...xox...
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#3
My Brother Larry is at home from Colon Surgery with the bag.
My Wife and me are changing the bag. This has been stressful on both of us.
We want Larry to change his own bag. He refuses to do it.
Why is your brother refusing to change the bag?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,536
17,013
113
69
Tennessee
#4
Larry is incapable of changing his bag? Does Larry live with you and your wife?
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,675
29,016
113
#5
Why is your brother refusing to change the bag?
Larry is incapable of changing his bag?
Larry should have been shown how to change his bag following his surgery, while he was still hospitalized following his ileostomy. Unless he is completely disabled or incompetent, such as having no hands or a broken arm and/or fingers, and/or has Alzheimer's, there is absolutely no reason why he should not be able to do it himself. The trickiest part my be cutting the opening in the phalanges to fit snugly around the stoma without being so snug it cuts into his body when he moves around. If that is the case, using a guide (some may have been provided by the hospital) to get the proper dimensions is certainly helpful, and making his own out of something a little more sturdy than the paper guides provided may also help; a very thin cardboard works well. Going up one size in the supplies needed may also be quite helpful, as this gives more room to maneuver the scissors while cutting the opening. He may have been told that the pouch needs to be changed/replaced every four or five days, but there is no reason why each pouch cannot be used for a week or more as long as it functional and intact.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
59,675
29,016
113
#11
I do not know. He will not tell me why.
Why are you allowing his childish behavior to terrorize your wife and manipulate you? Larry should be counting his blessings for the life-saving surgery he has had, and consider the bag his temporary friend, not to mention being more grateful to you and your wife for taking him in in the first place, without putting too much responsibility on you. Does he at least empty it by himself? Does he rinse it out after emptying before closing it up again? Since you are allowing him to call the shots, I wonder if he is laying down or at least reclined when you change his bag, and also how often you change it. Do you use adhesive removers and skin prep powder? I wonder too if he could get some kind of medical counselling and extra guidance around this. There really is no legitimate reason for Larry not to change his own bag himself if he is physically capable. Otherwise it is purely a phycological hindrance, and an extra unnecessary burden on you and your wife.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

Guest
#12
Why are you allowing his childish behavior to terrorize your wife and manipulate you? Larry should be counting his blessings for the life-saving surgery he has had, and consider the bag his temporary friend, not to mention being more grateful to you and your wife for taking him in in the first place, without putting too much responsibility on you. Does he at least empty it by himself? Does he rinse it out after emptying before closing it up again? Since you are allowing him to call the shots, I wonder if he is laying down or at least reclined when you change his bag, and also how often you change it. Do you use adhesive removers and skin prep powder? I wonder too if he could get some kind of medical counselling and extra guidance around this. There really is no legitimate reason for Larry not to change his own bag himself if he is physically capable. Otherwise it is purely a phycological hindrance, and an extra unnecessary burden on you and your wife.
I do not know. He will not tell me why.
Agreed. Larry does not appear disabled and should be changing his own bag. This situation is similar to a healthy adult asking a family member to wipe his/her bottom after using the bathroom.
 

JTB

Well-known member
Aug 31, 2021
2,210
690
113
#13
If he changes the bag, he has to accept that he now has it. There's a lot of perceived failure and stigma in getting one.

And you can always say no.
 

Zachary24

Senior Member
Jul 26, 2017
205
68
28
#16
I have prayed for you and your brother and wife. God bless you
 

Jase

Well-known member
Jun 9, 2021
775
444
63
#17
A troublesome situation that is wearing you and your wife down can be resolved with trying to come up with an alternative solution.
There must be organizations out for an answer.
Can you hire a health care worker to do that?
Is he a vet? There may be help through one of those organizations.
Just MHO! 😉
 

Jase

Well-known member
Jun 9, 2021
775
444
63
#19
Furthermore, the American Cancer Society may have resources...offer other solutions.😉