Why are you allowing his childish behavior to terrorize your wife and manipulate you? Larry should be counting his blessings for the life-saving surgery he has had, and consider the bag his temporary friend, not to mention being more grateful to you and your wife for taking him in in the first place, without putting too much responsibility on you. Does he at least empty it by himself? Does he rinse it out after emptying before closing it up again? Since you are allowing him to call the shots, I wonder if he is laying down or at least reclined when you change his bag, and also how often you change it. Do you use adhesive removers and skin prep powder? I wonder too if he could get some kind of medical counselling and extra guidance around this. There really is no legitimate reason for Larry not to change his own bag himself if he is physically capable. Otherwise it is purely a phycological hindrance, and an extra unnecessary burden on you and your wife.