Frustrated

Hello @Buckle. The way I see this as a opportunity for you to grow spiritually. I understand it feels unfair and you are frustrated at your wife for doing certain things and/or for not doing other things. What happens alot in relationships is that everyone goes into marriage with expectations of their spouse to receive. We are born with a wrong perspective/fallen nature. As result of our fallen nature, we go into relationship to receive from the other person. And once we don't receive from that person what we think we deserve become unhappy. Yet, the truth is that if we give without an expectation to receive we will be happier human beings. The secret is to understand the gain is to give. But if we look to nature, we see that everything in nature does nothing for itself. And this principle we learn from the moral law. And the second principle we also learn from nature that everything has to take in order to give. This means there is source from where you need to take from. At the moment your happiness is linked to the actions of your wife. However you happiness should be linked to your relationship with God. You need to take love, security, justice from the true source which is God and that you share with the person in your family. How will this principle actually work. I will give you an example of how the law of nature works. If you plant a seed. The seed obviously goes into the ground. The seed then takes from all its surroundings - nutritions from the ground, water, sunlight and whatever it needs. The seed then grows up to plant and the plant inturn will bring forth fruit. And any person can take of the fruit. The fruit tree then doesn't decide who can eat of its fruit. The tree just bring forth the fruit. And the next question would be for whom does the tree bring forth the fruit for itself? From that example we see that nothing lives for itself. And also you should not live for yourself. And you should also understand even the love you give to your wife. It does not come from you. But everything you own comes from God. We own nothing. And if people even insult you. They are not insulting you. Their are insulting God. So please try not to get upset with your wife. Because she is not aware that she is living very selfishly. We are born blind. It is these types of crisis in our life that opens our eyes to see that something still inside of us is not right yet. As I always say the change must happen in our hearts. Our old nature must be destroyed.

@3angelsmsg I am in similar but different situation and found your insights helpful. My situation is slightly different in that my wife, as a born again Christian, neglects the children, and even teaches our children that lying and deceit are acceptable behaviors to manipulate and take advantage of others. Despite my challenges, she is so manipulative that it confuses the kids and takes me hours of discussion to undo. I believe she has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), every attempt at counseling just resulted in her lying and manipulating counselors against me with false accusations and crying. What counselor is going to challenge a crying woman? One time the counselor set some communication rules, within minutes she violated his rules so deceptively and manipulated counselor against me that he didn’t even realize she was breaking his rules, after he started giving me dirty looks from the misinformation she was giving him, I raised my hand and asked him why he was allowing her to violate his communication rules! He looked stunned like a deer in headlights completely unaware of her manipulation, then acknowledged his error, then asked my wife to comply, She did it again and I finally had to point out that I don’t think we will be able to make any progress, even though he was highly experienced counselor, he was no match for my wife. This same pattern repeatedly itself with 13 counselors. The hardest part is seeing how it tears up my kids. They are strong and after 23 years of hell, my kids are now able to see through her manipulation and deception. My kids are now 21, 18, 15. My 18 year suffered the most due to his sensitive heart. It is a heartbreaking situation. I have always been healthy person but just found out last month that I now have elevated blood pressure from 23 years of stress and hell of trying to protect my kids from all of her deception. I have something called complex ptsd from the ongoing sustained stress of it all. I worry what will happen to my 15 year old if my health fails, who will standup for him? Living with a pathological liar and raising 3 kids is like a living hell I would never wish on my worst enemy. I forgive her, she is very broken, but I don’t trust her and I know no human can heal her, only God can help her. I don’t believe God will override her free will choice to continue her deceptive life style which benefits only her at our expense. But I wish God would at least try to influence her more, I see no evidence of Him doing so. I would have left but know in my heart that that she would have manipulated the authorities against me and I would have lost all ability to influence and protect my kids because she is ruthless as Jezebel. So I only have 2 more years of hell before my youngest reaches 18. Do you have any perspective why God would not offer more help? I am not asking for much, just a little support to help my wife see the destruction of her deceptions and irresponsibility, just a little to give us some hope is all we ask for. I would appreciate any insights you may have. Sincerely, HisWaysAreHigher

I think all I can say is that I understand what you're going through. Hang in there, man, the Lord is faithful! Jezebel is a nasty spirit.

@Oblio Thank you, it does help to know someone can relate and understand. The Lord is starting to bring more men into my life in similar situations, unfortunately so far they don’t tend to end well (divorce). I never believed in divorce except for infidelity, but maybe this is to teach I am wrong? (She hasn’t been unfaithful as far as I know and despite her shortcomings never seemed to be an issue, there have been times I wished she would have cheated so I would have a legitimate reason to end it) I do believe the Lord is faithful and works all things together for good, and will eventually make things better, but also admit I am weary and close to burn out due to declining health.

I need to vent...to open up...yes I know this isn't really the same as talking to someone, but since I don't have that type of person in my life...

A few moments ago, a prime example of my frustration, or why I am frustrated took place. I bought a cover for my wife's car windshield and she asked me to explain how it worked. I started my explanation and she was looking at what I was doing and then a minute in she takes her earphones out and says, "Wait what is that part for?" She had been listening to something instead of actually listening while I explain the thing she just asked me to. I feel like she has been becoming more obsessed all the time. She asks questions and then doesn't listen to you answer, if our son is needs something that in an inconvenience or annoyance to her she will refuse to do it. She has even sought out people who think a certain way to justify something she wants even though we both agreed we would not do that.

I don't know what to do, I can't talk to her about it because she is so stubborn, half the time she won't even agree with the facts at hand if they go against what she wants. At this point I have given in is things that make me hate myself, but to tell her so would destroy her. Anyways, I just had to put this out there somewhere.

Unfortunately, Buckle isn't participating in his/her thread.

Then there's Battered Spouse Syndrome.

Spousal Abuse Syndrome.