Have your life experiences made you a cold person / afraid to love?

There are pros and cons to being a recluse. On one hand, I'm sure it's nice to have friends and whatnot. On the other hand....no one can hurt you. Or think you're someone that you're not. And so on.

TOTALLY understandable. So in your case, it's a second hand hurting, I'd say. Double whammy. You haven't seen "the real thing" in your immediate family which makes you doubly cautious. I'm curious, are you a bit skeptical that real love even exists? Just asking.

Maybe a bit too personal of a discussion topic, but hey, participation is completely voluntary. I was feeling a bit gloomy and introspective today, so here we go.

From my personal experiences, I can say that nothing hurts quite so deeply as loving someone else wholeheartedly and having them crush or reject you. It's something that I've spent years now slowly recovering from, but it still hurts deeply even now if I let myself think about it too much. I wonder if the experience has made me a colder person out of fear of getting hurt. I was never exactly a confident Casanova to begin with, so...

Anyways, have you thought about this in light of your own experiences? Do you think that past relationship hurts have actually led to your sabotaging of other relationships -- subconsciously perhaps -- from a fear of trusting or committing too much or being vulnerable?

Maybe a bit too personal of a discussion topic, but hey, participation is completely voluntary. I was feeling a bit gloomy and introspective today, so here we go.

From my personal experiences, I can say that nothing hurts quite so deeply as loving someone else wholeheartedly and having them crush or reject you. It's something that I've spent years now slowly recovering from, but it still hurts deeply even now if I let myself think about it too much. I wonder if the experience has made me a colder person out of fear of getting hurt. I was never exactly a confident Casanova to begin with, so...

Anyways, have you thought about this in light of your own experiences? Do you think that past relationship hurts have actually led to your sabotaging of other relationships -- subconsciously perhaps -- from a fear of trusting or committing too much or being vulnerable?

I still remember my 20s-30s... Back when I still believed in mutuality and unconditional adoration. When everything was Hollywood warm and fuzzy and romance was supposed to be mind-blowingly dreamy. I entered into every relationship with all those preconceived notions of what a man was supposed to be and how a woman deserves to be treasured...

THANK GOD I GREW OUT OF THAT!

Life experience has made me very selfish, but I don't think that's a bad thing.
I've been around enough to know what I REALLY need from a relationship... and at the top of that list is TRUST and RESPECT! Because you can't have one without the other.

Short answer: Nope.

But... we do share the trait of not being Casanovas.

MY love experiences Hmmm... .. didn't make me colder...but there are times that my mind get stuck wallowing in those negative feelings...like... is waiting for so long even worth it in the end?

Why do some people find love so easy while myself been waiting for so long already...not that I am not trying or not taking chances...🤔 don't I deserve love ?

WHAT more I should do How much more I should give? Silly me 😁☺ But still I choose to hope,to believe,to trust God's words even if, even when (sometimes) I cannot see His ways... 😊

Oh sure, I've seen real love. My uncle Fred and his wife are good examples. My best friend and his wife are also.

So many people think love is something that happens to you, something beyond your control - I've fallen in love with her, we're not in love anymore... Others turn love into a bartering of goods and services, two people keeping each other company to avoid being alone, or providing room and board in exchange for conversation and sex. That's not love.

I've seen real love before. Love is something you choose to do. Love is caring about somebody without calculating what somebody can do for you in return.

huh
I notice a lot of people dont quite understand what win-win means.
I thought if two guys liked the same girl, they'd just...either share her or clone her.

ok how bout the opposite what happens if two girls like the same guy?

Or, is there some kind of bidding war.

btw my eyes dont really go like that Its hard to get them rolling in opposite directions.

Do you think that past relationship hurts have actually led to your sabotaging of other relationships --
subconsciously perhaps -- from a fear of trusting or committing too much or being vulnerable?

My parents - at different times - both told me that one doesn't "fall in love," one "grows to love." While I'm not sure this is 100% correct, it does seem like the right way to build a lasting relationship if possible. My parents have been faithfully married for longer than I have been alive now, so I'd say they know what they're talking about.

My life experiences have made me bitter towards the idea of socializing in general. It's one reason why I prefer to be alone all the time....because of the negative experiences I've had with people.


There are pros and cons to being a recluse. On one hand, I'm sure it's nice to have friends and whatnot. On the other hand....no one can hurt you. Or think you're someone that you're not. And so on.


Solitude is a blessing and a curse.

I seem to recall that scenario from Laura Ingalls Wilder's books.

When Laura Ingalls and Almanzo Wilder were courting, that other snotty gal kept inviting herself to their Sunday afternoon buggy rides. Laura didn't appreciate that and finally told Almanzo that she thought two was company and three was a crowd and that she wouldn't be joining the group next time. Almanzo dumped the other chick right away, lol.

Of course this was like 100 years ago so the modern relevance is a bit dubious. My buggy is super dusty, and my horse is dead

Maybe a bit too personal of a discussion topic, but hey, participation is completely voluntary. I was feeling a bit gloomy and introspective today, so here we go.

From my personal experiences, I can say that nothing hurts quite so deeply as loving someone else wholeheartedly and having them crush or reject you. It's something that I've spent years now slowly recovering from, but it still hurts deeply even now if I let myself think about it too much. I wonder if the experience has made me a colder person out of fear of getting hurt. I was never exactly a confident Casanova to begin with, so...

Anyways, have you thought about this in light of your own experiences? Do you think that past relationship hurts have actually led to your sabotaging of other relationships -- subconsciously perhaps -- from a fear of trusting or committing too much or being vulnerable?

Have you ever tried to get over her with another woman? By that I am speaking just a best female friend. When my ex of 20 years left me. Just tore me up and got in a bunch of relationships just cause I thought what was missing was the sex.

I was wrong what was missing was intimacy but not what I had thought. I found out what I did not yet know about myself. I figured it was the sex I was missing but it was not. It was the intimacy of having someone to talk to just share my thoughts and emotions and in turn to be trusted with someone else's thoughts and emotions.

All the things that my ex made me feel like I was a failure with as a person. Was the reason she enjoyed being my friend. There is a old saying that men want every woman for one thing and women want one man for everything. In the world I found this is very much true.

As men we lose a gal we are romantically involved with so we believe we need another to replace her. However, would say that is the worse thing for us in almost every case. Because women we are involved with have expectations of us to be everything cause we are romantically involved. It is a cycle of wash, rinse, and repeat.

However, a honest to goodness just best female friend does not have those expectations of you so she is able to help build you up by just simple observations she will make. Pointing out you may have a good sense of humor, or so cool how folks can depend on you, and etc.

There is no pressure of the romantic so to me a real friend who is female is so underestimated and overlooked by us guys cause we just wanna try repeating the cycle all over again. Found that a female friend made me see and better analyze what was my strengths as a man and what my failures were by her just accepting me for who I was and just wanting to hear what was on my mind and share what was on hers.

No man is a island and sometimes a female friend just can show us how much we are not islands and we still need someone to be able to talk to and how just having that clears away a lot of haze so we can honestly analyze ourselves and find the things we need to work on. As well as to see our strengths so we can refine them and make them the first things noticed about us.

Just gave a whole new perspective on myself and life in general when it came to relationships.