Feeling God Has Rejected Me

Hello,
I'm going to try to not make this too long. I am in desperate need of prayer. I was raised in the church and always believed in God. However, I never had a close relationship with him especially as a young adult as I was in search of other things to make me happy even dabbling in occult practices. All the while I occasionally went to church, engaged in drugs and even prayed at times. Many unpleasant things have happened over the years that have caused major trauma. I decided recently to fast and attempted to seek God in an effort to be delivered or fix my situation. However, things went waaay different than I expected. I struggled to sleep, felt condemned, remembered sins of my past I forgot about, I discovered how broken my relationship was with God and how there were many things in my heart that were not right. Guilt, shame, and condemnation came flooding in. I am also now super conscience of how messed up my heart really is- the problem now is I don't know if I can fix it. I don't feel God and don't know if I've grown too cold towards Him and His ways due to my consistent sin and the nature of the sin, which also being up the issue of true repentance. I am not sure if I am under a demonic attack (which is possible because of past things) or if my heart is just that messed up. This has led to extreme anxiety and depression. I have struggled to find consistent joy and peace in things because I don't know if God has left me. Please keep me in your prayers.

Titus 1:16
To the pure, all things are pure; but to the defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure. Indeed, both their minds and their consciences are defiled.

2Corintians 4:5
The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers so they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

1Peter2:7a To you who believe, then, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe,...
1Peter 2:8b They stumble because they disobey the word-and to this they were appointed.

This all speaks to the command to believe in the Lord Jesus' care for you in giving Himself as a sacrifice for your sin, dying and raised again forever as the priest of your salvation. Anyone that stumbles, does so because, in that moment of stumbling, they are in a state that does not believe.

When we truly realize the full extent of God's love for us, we no longer feel the need to "fill ourselves" with any other substitute or worldly facsimile of that light.

When all the Israelites were fatally bitten by the snakes sent into their camp, all the had to do to be delivered from death was look up to the bronze serpent on the pole (a representation of Jesus), as directed to by God, in faith. It was as simple as but that ,any of them didn't and died.

Praying your heart receives the freedom from this guilt, shame, and condemnation and be filled with the realization you are made pure, dignity restored, and the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1
New International Version
8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

Focus on what God actually says and not what your emotions are telling you.

If if is demonic possession then that could only happen for an unsaved individual. So you must really ask yourself have I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord AND Savior. Have I been baptized by the Holy Spirit?

If you 100% have your faith in Jesus then it could be demonic oppression as in spiritual warfare. You only solution is again in Jesus Christ as the book of Ephesians teaches you how to put on the armor of God and to combat such attacks.

Remember once saved God casts your sins as far as the east is from the west and blots out the memory of them. Your sins were paid pastense by what Jesus did on the cross.

Now you must understand the concept of grace. While you was still a sinner, Christ died for you. Nothing you have done surprised God but in fact He already knew you would take this path.

Feeling God isn't always emotional but often intellectual. Look at the times when people in the Bible felt distant from God, but God was always there working.

Being reborn means you are now new spiritually so of course Satan wants to keep you trapped in thinking like the old self.

Bad decisions lead to bad consequences and limit options. Confess your sins to the Lord. (1 John 1:9) Start making good decisions that line up with what you know to be the will of God. Study the scriptures (find a good pastor). Believe the scriptures. Apply what you know to your life. You can turn around if you want to. I wouldn't blame anything on the demons, you did this to yourself. The way back will be hard. Sounds like you have a lot of bad habits and possibly even addictions to overcome. Don't expect an instant solution but don't give up either. God has not abandoned you. Heb 13:5-6 He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you," so that we confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?"

JeaHeart, I am glad to pray for you. Please consider this… your experience with prayer in fasting is not an uncommon one. I’ve been through it myself. Often fasting will cause a tsunami of self reflection that can bring all the pain in our lives bubbling to the surface to where it feels like it’s oozing out of our pores. Suddenly you’re reliving every stupid, selfish, painful and ugly decision you ever made, culminating into an overwhelming sense of loneliness and self hatred.

That’s just the Holy Spirit cleaning the gunk out of your pipes. It’s messy and uncomfortable, but it’s all part of the process of seeking and building a real relationship with the Father.

Over the years I’ve discovered how incredibly effective prayer actually is, and if you stay with it, I promise you will see a remarkable change first in your own heart, and then in your surrounding circumstances.

I would suggest that you read and meditate on Psalms, (Psalm 38 comes to mind) pray and don’t grow weary and lose heart. You may feel cold and abandoned now, but God is very aware that you’re seeking Him, and He’s wrapping Himself around you like a warm security blanket.

I will pray that God lights a spiritual fire deep down inside of you. Glad to have you onboard with us. Welcome to CC.

Welcome!

Condemnation is never from God.
The DEVIL is the accuser, .. God is the Merciful.
Jesus said..."if you've SEEN ME, you've SEEN the Father".
Now, if you read the NT, you'll discover that Jesus only had love and forgiveness and healing and comfort and truth, to give to anyone, no matter their level of sin.
Even from the Cross, when God as Christ was looking down into the hate filled eyes of those who were happy he was nailed, ... all Jesus said was....."Father forgive them"......as Jesus already had.

So, if you feel "condemned" or..... similar, then that is your own self analysis that you are projecting AS how you FEEL that God thinks about you.
That's your own guilt trip, JaeHeart.

Here is the reality...>"there is NO CONDEMNATION to those who are in Christ".

So, if you are born again........... not just water baptized and religious.........but BORN AGAIN.........then you belong to God, and that is the final answer, always.

Please remember, and take this to heart, that Jesus and all Heaven will rejoice when you come to Him:

Luke 15: 3-7
3] And he spake this parable unto them, saying,
[4] What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?
[5] And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing.
[6] And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost.
[7] I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

Hello and welcome to CC.

I understand you’re going through a lot of difficult feelings now. I will definitely say a prayer for you because God can send grace and mercy to you.

there NOW is NO condemnation to those in Christ. IF you come to HIM HE will not turn you away . Those who call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ shall be saved.

I dont know that I can offer any advice, but I just want to say that God wouldn't give up on you just because you messed up, especially after all He has done to ensure you can receive forgiveness and a restored relationship with Him. That is his hearts desire, and your disobedience doesn't change that. You coming back to Him like the prodigal is all He wants.
But, dont feel you need to try and earn anything. It is all available freely, just as it always was and always will be.
We certainly cant buy nor ever earn His love. It is always ours for the taking if we trust in Him.

I am praying that the Lord reveals himself anew, give you a revelation of His love, and brings you peace and joy and deliverance.

Dear JaeHeart,

Please do not despair, guilt is normal when we do not follow what our hearts knows to be true. Trust in GOD he does loves you and will take you back anytime. Open your heart to him and his son Christ our savior. Christ gave us a wonderful parable that i think applies to you pretty much. Just take it one day at a time you will get there, the Kingdom of God awaits, are all invited, Christ is the way he will guide your path.

in LUKE 15;

The Parable of the Lost Son
11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Blessings and Happy Easter,