Why am I holding on to him?

You're grieving. That process is as unique as your fingerprints.

There are answers to your questions, though you probably won't find them until you're ready. You didn't specify whether you were married, but either way, you may well find the guidance of an experienced Christian counselor very helpful.

I dont know only you can answer that one...doesnt make any sense to me!

How long ago was all this? You should expect that it will take some time to learn to function without someone who was part of your daily life. And I'd say don't torture yourself trying to keep tabs on how his life is going and keeping score over who is better off. Seriously do everything you can to cut him out of your world and pretend he's dead or moved to the other side of the world or whatever makes him not a part of your world anymore. And what Dino said about finding a good counselor to talk you through all of the emotional fallout is good advice too.

And when you start to get nostalgic about the good times, remember to ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who verbally abuses you and cheats on you. Such a relationship isn't going to make your life any better.

Significant others are our source of so many things, more than we realize, which we find out after their gone. I PRAY for your heart that it will let God fill the hole left by that man you were with. I just got out of a relationship myself, and it makes it easier knowing she cheated in the begining, and lied to me about it during most of our time together. Then hid something else from my. It's easier because I know that it was not a Godly person I was with. Even know she accepted Christ's blood, she did not treat me with the love and respect God knows I need. I hope you can find that comfort in your situation as well.
Another thing to keep in mind, is that we are sexual beings, which is how God made us, and it's a beautiful thing to experience..... But sex is very BINDING, and very BLINDING. It will hurt to unbind from this person, as it feels like a part of yourself dies as their involvement with you fades....let God fill the hole in your heart let him be your man, before you let someone else be again.
Sister, may you find peace in Christ through your pain. Remember that he suffers with us, cries with us and mourns with us. Be blessed, Kait.

No we were not married.

Holy Spirit guides in all truth better than any counselor who claims to be Christian.
Too often we seek a mate leaning on our own understanding and end up like this, His perfect plan for our life, who we meet, or even if we do or do not join in relationship, needs to be first place.

You propably hold on for the same reason a lot of peoe hold on... they just want to be loved, based on what you wrote you're better off with out him.

People are cruel because of their sinful nature, no one is good on their own or with out Christ in their heart.

Cheer up, Jesus loves you and someday he will bring someone better along for you.

since this is singles forum and you are single

I will give some advice, but possibly some hard truths need to be faced that are uncomfrotable

firstly, you say he was sweet at first, then he became verbally abusive

First thing is that is no surprise. This is what happens when you are seduced.

In the Bible, this happened to Tamar, where her seducer said he loved her, then he had sex with her and then hated her

why that turn around, well, because of lust

Lust is not love

secondly, it seems you were not married...an honorable man, even if he has very little means, would at least give you the decency to consider this and wait before rushing headlong into things.

and thirdly, you say he said it would not work from the beginning though you stayed with him for 7 years, even when you didnt have to. So that suggests you might have tried to force things as well, You cant MAKE someone love you.


Take a leaf out of the Bible.
Read about what love is.. love is kind, love is patient, love keeps no record of wrongs

You didnt love this man. He didnt love you.

so why holding on, I dont know, only you can answer this question. If you wanted children, be honest if that is what you want.

Everyone has given important advice, so I will share how to receive healing.

Everything connects to Jesus, so we will eventually get to His name.

You have been hurt psychologically, but ultimately you have been hurt spiritually. The reason verbal abuse and being cheated on hurts so badly is because we instinctively know a great wrong is taking place. It violates the inner conscience of right and wrong. This violation, if not fixed, will be like a hole in a ship. The further you go, the heavier it will get until you hit that point of sinking in the vulnerability of spiritual attack.

Satan will latch onto this like a lion looking for weakness. The lies will even have you second-guessing yourself, feeling shame, guilt, or lost in anger and depression.

The ship sinks deeper, and the air becomes thinner, giving us irrational actions in response to the emotions at hand.

Irrational but still very real and very much painful. Irrational exemplified, for instance, in wanting to go back to the abuser.

An awful fact is that many women in homes for abused women end up going back even when it leads to their death. For people on the outside looking in, we ask what would make her go back? Love? Co-dependency? Or Fear?

Only she could explain her thinking about going back.

My point is we should look at the original wounds and not just the side effects.

These wounds were just as much spiritual as psychological. We are human and created as a triune beings as soul, body, and mind. When damage occurs, your soul will feel it.

It may sound cliche but lay your pain at the feet of Jesus. Accept forgiveness for any area you feel needs to be forgiven and rest in Him. Seek Him and meditate on His Words. Allow the Holy Spirit to move within and guide you to healing. Let Him heal your anger, pain, sorrow, and seek the joy/peace of Christ. Pray for these things, and in the realm of forgiveness, you will find it easier to let your ex go.

A journey always begins with a choice and then an action. A choice to make the first step. That choice must be to first make the step into spiritual healing, then all else with follow.

I’m sorry to hear what you went through. I too was in an abusive relationship marriage and I got out and it’s hard bc I believed and still do that I am worthless bc he made me feel that. God doesn’t want us to feel that way about ourselves. Just know God is and was with you the whole way

Thank you do you mind if I reach out to you I really need somebody to talk too..

I agree with some of the things you have said. as far as me not loving him is totally false I gave everything the best I could for this man. I made excuses for him to my own family I chose him over my own family, Yes I would say 4 years into our relationship he would mention it to me and that really felt like a stab in the chest like I felt used. He also wasted my own time and played with my mind for his benefits at the time even if he didn't intend to marry me. He probably gas lighted me aswell into questioning my own memory and sanity.. I don't want to be married or I am just too terrified of the hurt. people are evil and I feel there is nothing good anymore in this world.. and as far as children I did want it with him but not where our relationship was heading I wouldn't be hap

Of been happy.. We should of not had sex before marriage either I really wish I never did.but I can't take back the fact that it happened and the love was there and the love we once had. True love always stays with you especially the memories

That’s fine!

it doesnt sound like true love

love isnt making excuses, love is forgiving, if you truly love someone you will forgive them, even if theyve done you wrong, and that way, you are able to them let go and be free.

Im just trying to make sense of something you are not making sense of atm

Hopefully you'll find comfort and Jesus will show you the way, am sorry you going through this, but the truth is going to set you free.

Hi Kaitlin,

My heart aches with you over the pain you are experiencing. I know it’s hard to see the good in the world when most of what you are feeling and seeing around you is bad.

I encourage you to spend some time in 1 Corinthians 13, where love is the focal point of the chapter. This type of love is available for you and it is what you are seeking.

This love is from God through Jesus. Listen to a portion of what Jesus said in John 15:

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

I pray you experience the love of the Father through Jesus.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

It's called codependent...

You need real therapy. Not internet therapy.

Get a counselor...there are affordable options.

Your welcome, yes your welcome to write me any time.