The Banned Game

You take Hairy and we will keep you supplied with ballistic self defense octopi-
he's beginning to have an "aroma".

Jennymaesia is a peace loving country which is reluctant to the use of violence. Alas, at this point of time we have no choice but to be sending missiles carrying lipstick warheads in the general direction of Mosestaria. It’s not our fault if the lipstick sticks on the lips of the ruler and that his then ruby red lips attracts “Hairy” of Shittimistan.😂

if anyone finds Hairy has been dropped by parachute on they're country, peaceful or not, Shittimistan knows nothing about it and our new minister of nearly everything says so-

The Office of International Mosestarian Affairs most strongly reproves the recent decision by Shittimistanian officials to deploy octopuses into the Great Moat of Mosestaria.

The chief spokesman of the diplomatic group has cautioned that deployment of the eight-appendaged cephalopods in the region can only lead to further escalation of hostilities between the Chiefdom of Mosestaria and the Empire of Jennymaesia. The official added that the terrorist group operating out of the badlands previously known as Rubyland may further complicate any diplomatic solution to the already high tensions in the region. The Mosestarian Intelligence Agency has provided evidence that even now, octopuses are being purchased by the self-proclaimed "Madame President" of Rubyland, for the purpose of destabilisation of the fragile truce that currently exists.

Anti-lipstick air defences with an environmentally-safe, lips-friendly scrub base containing sugar, honey and olive oil are currently being deployed around the Mosestarian border kindergartens, in response to recent threats by the fanatical Empress of Jennymaesia.

I believe this to be fake news.
Mosestaria has no peace or alliance with any other country due to their fraudulent leader.
Rubyland is hereby announcing that we have purchased several octopuses and are releasing them into our seas. They have been highly trained in combat and enjoy eating shark sandwiches.

Mosestarian officials have reacted with disdain toward the news that terrorists are purchasing octopuses for release into the Great Moat of Mosestaria, in hopes of escalating tensions in the region. In a last ditch effort for peace, famous Mosestarian diplomat and businessman, Jomés Band - codename 00007.1, has been dispatched to the badlands formerly known as Rubyland on a mercy mission to negotiate peace with the terrorist leaders.

Sorry to inform you Mr President but your secret agent 00000007 met with an unfortunate accident.
As he was rowing across the Sea of Rubiness he fell asleep at the wheel (or oar in the case). His boat began to sink and he was somewhat swallowed by Nessi our large octopus. She reported to us that he was quite tasty but a little lean.

Hairy tells us (from a distance as he now has acquired and aroma) that he has been working on land walking octopi, quite an improvement over the first ones that required tiny shoes to be fitted and put on.

this could be a game changer

Jomés Band - codename 00007.1 - successful Mosestarian philanthropist and celebrity, has reported back to Mosestarian Headquarters after his arrival in the badlands, with some disturbing news.

Decoy agent 00000007, a Rubylander double-agent, who was somewhat infuriating because of his unquestioning loyalty to Rubyland and its terrorist leaders, has met with a gruesome fate. The irritating spy had been tied up, dressed in the coat, hat and name tag of Jomés Band, and subsequently cast adrift aboard a rowboat in the Great Moat of Mosestaria because of his Rubyland sympathies. It would appear, however, that rather than floating to safety, 00000007's vessel was approached by one of the weapons recently deployed by Rubylander terrorists. Said weapon did not recognise the disguised 00000007, and has devoured him, mistakenly believing his name tag to be legitimate. Mosestaria has dispatched the customary flowers, milk chocolates and a rather insulting note to the self-proclaimed La Madame President of Rubyland, in memoriam.

Meanwhile, Jomés Band advises that he has befriended a rather attractive, red-lipsticked female acquaintance of the terrorist leader, and is hoping to infiltrate further into the leadership at a terrorists' cocktail party tomorrow night, by recounting to other accomplices tales of his past escapades and heroics.

00007 is alive and well. He staged his death so that the Mosterians would think that he died. Looked like it worked.
The intruder, Mr Band is currently wining and dining the mysterious woman with the red ruby lipstick. Unfortunately for Mr Band it is actually the old hag in disguise.
The Rubylanders are always one step ahead of the Mosterians. They persist but we are able to defeat them each time.
I would like to thank the Mosterian leader for the condolence flowers and chocolates. They were yummy but not necessary as 000007 is alive and planning his next moves.

The Empress has realized that there is a lack of democracy in Mosestaria. Jennymaesia intends to assist Mosestaria in its efforts to improve the dictator ridden country’s democratic process. Much to the Empress heartfelt dismay this set of events eventually will bring the Mosestarian ruler before a panel of judges appointed by the Empress. The Mosestarian ruler will be given a fair trial before he’s sentenced to spend 10 years inside the ruby red walls of a makeup workshop.😂

That is a tough sentence for the Mosestarian leader but necessary.
Hopefully he will learn what a lengthy process it takes to apply makeup properly. Maybe he wont make fun of the old hag anymore who takes twice as long to hide her flaws. Good call, Empress.

In support of the effort to establish and maintain democracy in Moseteria the unwashed masses of Shittimistan offer the services of Hairy to sit in judgment- the 6 foot rule may be enforced what with his aroma and all.

Lanolinlanders believe that Shittimstanians are unwashed because they lack water and only order mackerel clouds not rain clouds from Lanolinland.

Also they eat too much artifically flavoured pringles, which has unfortunate side effects

This explains a lot..... apparently the unwashed masses claim of soap allergy is bogus.....
Meanwhile, the walking octopi sent to provide protection from evil sharks have been disappearing in proportion to the uptick in calamari exports from Moseteria.
We will be researching this and get back to you-
Film at 11 p.m.

Lanolinland keeps a giant squid in its museum it is the eighth wonder of the world
unforutnately, it is dead

The former King donated it to the museum when he found it floating in the sea one day. It had died of plastic bag ingestion.

Scientists in Lanolinland are wondering if they can recreate it by using its frozen stem cells.

btw Plastic bags are now banned in Lanolinland

Thanks a lot lanolinlanders, you banned them, your people threw them away, now we deal with them on our beaches.



Hairy has a crew working on a solution, but not very diligently.
We have doubt about his hiring process, here is his "A" team-

If he’s on his best behavior in the makeup pen he’ll be appointed Blush Master.😁

Maybe he could specialize himself in the art of making old hags look good?😂

Let’s join forces and attack Mosestaria at dawn!😎😂

The guinea pig think tank has come up a solution, to make plastic bag chowder, with chopped up bits of spare tyres which can be used to lure Mosetarian sharks away from the border. The Shittimstanians just need to add their frozen tomatoes to it to make it a blood red colour and the sharks will vaccum it up.

Thank you guinea pigs! You have come through for us!
Now don't get the big head