A Financial Faux Pas or a Fiend -- Who Should Have Paid for What on This Date?
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with group dinners everyone pays set amounts usually its all you can eat
or indivudual orders
I think a table of more than six is too large. The tables should be split then. It depends on what type of restuarant you go to and what type of service they are offering.
Organisations doing a dinner or lunch, if they want people to gather, need to be prepared to host and pay for the entire meal. its actually quite rude to tell a guest to pay for what they eat at a party. People just wont go if its like that. Because not everyone will be able to afford a this. When you the host...you host.
or indivudual orders
I think a table of more than six is too large. The tables should be split then. It depends on what type of restuarant you go to and what type of service they are offering.
Organisations doing a dinner or lunch, if they want people to gather, need to be prepared to host and pay for the entire meal. its actually quite rude to tell a guest to pay for what they eat at a party. People just wont go if its like that. Because not everyone will be able to afford a this. When you the host...you host.
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I have been out with a bud and we have agreed to split it. Thing is you can get to having a great time you don't pay attention to what is being ordered. I believe this is what may be the case here cause she said she liked him and wants to see him again. That would indicate the first date was a success. Which would indicate as a male he did stuff right. Which would mean he was paying attention to her and was present in their convos. So there is a argument to be made that he was not paying attention to who was ordering what. He was paying attention to their convo and the chemistry they were feeling between them.
So the best course of action for her would be to bring it up to him. As it seems being made to feel like she was taking advantage of is what bothers her. So bring it up, it could be a case as he was not paying attention and that would relieve her. Then it also gives her a chance to see what kind of guy he is and does she want to go further. Will he he offer to reimburse her for the additional outlay? Or how does he react to her brining it up.
She will just have accurate data to act on instead of just having a nagging emotional feeling she was taken advantage of. Also is a bonus of just dealing with a problem so early. In any relationship problems will arise the sooner you deal with it the better to let something fester just gives way to other negative emotional feelings.
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$40 worth of drinks is a lot
say it was $8 a glass, thats still 5 drinks if he drank it all himself
which is a lot for one meal
usually people would only drink one, two or at most three drinks for one meal. Not saying its the lasses fault for not partaking, but what happened did the waiter pour one glass and she didnt touch it and the guy had four?!
Or if it was a bottle, did he expect her to pay half when she wasnt drinking any of it. Usually you share a bottle. This is why BYO.
say it was $8 a glass, thats still 5 drinks if he drank it all himself
which is a lot for one meal
usually people would only drink one, two or at most three drinks for one meal. Not saying its the lasses fault for not partaking, but what happened did the waiter pour one glass and she didnt touch it and the guy had four?!
Or if it was a bottle, did he expect her to pay half when she wasnt drinking any of it. Usually you share a bottle. This is why BYO.
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It's kind of funny... We were more church acquaintances than friends.
She was very much one of the cool girls, and I was not. We were in very different circles. In fact, an old boyfriend of hers came up to her while we were eating and the two of them got lost in their own little world. Lol... Most of us singles know what it's like to be a professional third wheel. 🎡
And we never went out again or even really spoke after that.
Not out of animosity, but we just didn't have anything in common. I was friends with her mother and it was one of those things where you're trying to extend hospitality for someone else's sake, but you don't wind up becoming friends with the other person.
She was very much one of the cool girls, and I was not. We were in very different circles. In fact, an old boyfriend of hers came up to her while we were eating and the two of them got lost in their own little world. Lol... Most of us singles know what it's like to be a professional third wheel. 🎡
And we never went out again or even really spoke after that.
Not out of animosity, but we just didn't have anything in common. I was friends with her mother and it was one of those things where you're trying to extend hospitality for someone else's sake, but you don't wind up becoming friends with the other person.
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In a non dating situation...
If I offered to pay for dinner, I would pay for dinner. But if you knew that and started ordering drinks, sides, and desserts, well knowing me I would probably pay for it anyway. It would be a long time before I did that again. I would remember that the next time we got together... If we got together again.
In a dating situation...
I would insist on paying for it anyway, unless she insisted on paying for her own. It's a small investment in getting to know someone.
If I offered to pay for dinner, I would pay for dinner. But if you knew that and started ordering drinks, sides, and desserts, well knowing me I would probably pay for it anyway. It would be a long time before I did that again. I would remember that the next time we got together... If we got together again.
In a dating situation...
I would insist on paying for it anyway, unless she insisted on paying for her own. It's a small investment in getting to know someone.
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if someone is poor its going to be awkward when the time comes to pay the bill and the poor person doesnt have enough cash because they werent expecting the split bill to be so much because you ate the bigger portion and didnt even actually share your meal. (in some restuarants its all separate dishes)
Your date will then need to stay behind to do the dishes...so awks.
thats why when dating is shown on tv on those bachelor shows its so unrealistic because whos footing the bill, its not the couple. Its the tv production company. Not everyone has an expense account, unless you are eating out on the companies dime. In that case why would you agree to split the bill?
A far better way to approach dating is first date, the person who asked pays, the second date, the other person pays or decides what to do.
Your date will then need to stay behind to do the dishes...so awks.
thats why when dating is shown on tv on those bachelor shows its so unrealistic because whos footing the bill, its not the couple. Its the tv production company. Not everyone has an expense account, unless you are eating out on the companies dime. In that case why would you agree to split the bill?
A far better way to approach dating is first date, the person who asked pays, the second date, the other person pays or decides what to do.
in chinese restaurants its not itemised like who ate what, unlike european restaurants where everything is served up on one huge plate for each person.
This is who you can have a banquet with a 12 course meal all shared and enjoy it without stressing over who ate what noodle cos is one bill per table.
so maybe eitquette for european style restaurants is go dutch, most restauranters are happy to ask who had what and what each diner is willing to pay for.
Anyway..sorry for posting so much its just I like food and I think ppl should appreciate it but also know that a lot goes into it and hospitality is expected in a good restaurant. Some Resturants do make their money from selling overpriced drinks though. So watch for that. If drinks are included, it will so but most have seperate drinks menus. Dont feel pressured to drink alcohol if its not your thing. and for men, dont they realise that women tend to be more careful about drinking cos maybe they know that it affects not just them but any unborn child?!
People can get carried away and then expect the other person to stay sober so they can drive them home. Thats just rude. lol
The drinking culture in nz is pretty bad I must say its a bit of a minefield as far as dating goes. If most of the bill is spent on drinks then what was the point of going to a restaurant. Go to a pub or bar. The last thing you want to do on a first date really is be alone with a boozer.
This is who you can have a banquet with a 12 course meal all shared and enjoy it without stressing over who ate what noodle cos is one bill per table.
so maybe eitquette for european style restaurants is go dutch, most restauranters are happy to ask who had what and what each diner is willing to pay for.
Anyway..sorry for posting so much its just I like food and I think ppl should appreciate it but also know that a lot goes into it and hospitality is expected in a good restaurant. Some Resturants do make their money from selling overpriced drinks though. So watch for that. If drinks are included, it will so but most have seperate drinks menus. Dont feel pressured to drink alcohol if its not your thing. and for men, dont they realise that women tend to be more careful about drinking cos maybe they know that it affects not just them but any unborn child?!
People can get carried away and then expect the other person to stay sober so they can drive them home. Thats just rude. lol
The drinking culture in nz is pretty bad I must say its a bit of a minefield as far as dating goes. If most of the bill is spent on drinks then what was the point of going to a restaurant. Go to a pub or bar. The last thing you want to do on a first date really is be alone with a boozer.
This is the issue you can face when going into such situations with people you don't know well. It's part of the risk you take. I've never been a fan of splitting checks, you buy yours, I'll buy mine. Or sometimes if someone was wanting to be nice they'd offer to pay After the check came. That way they couldn't be taken advantage of.
Or in the case of me and my best friend (as a teen) we mostly swapped turns paying for meals. We didn't really keep track of what we each spent. And we didn't take advantage of each other. It worked out well since we trusted each other (and had built trust).
If you're not with someone you know don't know you can trust, either don't put yourself in that situation or don't complain if you choose to and get taken advantage of.
I wonder if that guy in the first scenario wasn't interested in her, so ordered so much extra knowing she'd have to pay, just to run her off.
Or perhaps a test of Her to see how much he can get away with and keep her around.
Or in the case of me and my best friend (as a teen) we mostly swapped turns paying for meals. We didn't really keep track of what we each spent. And we didn't take advantage of each other. It worked out well since we trusted each other (and had built trust).
If you're not with someone you know don't know you can trust, either don't put yourself in that situation or don't complain if you choose to and get taken advantage of.
I wonder if that guy in the first scenario wasn't interested in her, so ordered so much extra knowing she'd have to pay, just to run her off.
Or perhaps a test of Her to see how much he can get away with and keep her around.
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I can't see me ever agreeing to split a check 50/50 for just two people. It's just too easy to get separate checks or calculate what each person got and so what they owe. So either one of us is paying for everything or else we're each paying for our own. No other arrangement makes much sense to me.
Pulling out a little broader, generally if I feel like I'm being taken avantage of (especially routinely) then the opportunities to do so will be less and less and such people might find that I'm taking them to buffets or fast food to limit my risk on the rare occasion that I'm willing to take them out. Or maybe if it's someone I like well enough but person has money management issues; I'll just cook and they won't get much choice in what they eat.
Pulling out a little broader, generally if I feel like I'm being taken avantage of (especially routinely) then the opportunities to do so will be less and less and such people might find that I'm taking them to buffets or fast food to limit my risk on the rare occasion that I'm willing to take them out. Or maybe if it's someone I like well enough but person has money management issues; I'll just cook and they won't get much choice in what they eat.
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I forgot how tight budgets are for single people....
If your on a tight budget...do not go out for food. Go for coffee or ice cream near a park....much more affordable and limits the financial pain.
It's all about talking and getting to know the other person anyway. And people don't talk with their mouth full anyway. If they do you don't want to date them anymore. Nor does a date look attractive with food getting shoveled into their mouth.
If you must have food on a date (because you can't think of anything else to do) then do it in the park as a picnic.
Some have BBQ grills and others will at least have tables. But it's a lot better financially and less noisy.
If there is water nearby I can go fishing...
So even if the date is a bust maybe I can catch a fish.
If your on a tight budget...do not go out for food. Go for coffee or ice cream near a park....much more affordable and limits the financial pain.
It's all about talking and getting to know the other person anyway. And people don't talk with their mouth full anyway. If they do you don't want to date them anymore. Nor does a date look attractive with food getting shoveled into their mouth.
If you must have food on a date (because you can't think of anything else to do) then do it in the park as a picnic.
Some have BBQ grills and others will at least have tables. But it's a lot better financially and less noisy.
If there is water nearby I can go fishing...
So even if the date is a bust maybe I can catch a fish.
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I forgot how tight budgets are for single people....
If your on a tight budget...do not go out for food. Go for coffee or ice cream near a park....much more affordable and limits the financial pain.
It's all about talking and getting to know the other person anyway. And people don't talk with their mouth full anyway. If they do you don't want to date them anymore. Nor does a date look attractive with food getting shoveled into their mouth.
If you must have food on a date (because you can't think of anything else to do) then do it in the park as a picnic.
Some have BBQ grills and others will at least have tables. But it's a lot better financially and less noisy.
If there is water nearby I can go fishing...
So even if the date is a bust maybe I can catch a fish.
If your on a tight budget...do not go out for food. Go for coffee or ice cream near a park....much more affordable and limits the financial pain.
It's all about talking and getting to know the other person anyway. And people don't talk with their mouth full anyway. If they do you don't want to date them anymore. Nor does a date look attractive with food getting shoveled into their mouth.
If you must have food on a date (because you can't think of anything else to do) then do it in the park as a picnic.
Some have BBQ grills and others will at least have tables. But it's a lot better financially and less noisy.
If there is water nearby I can go fishing...
So even if the date is a bust maybe I can catch a fish.
Some aspects of a person's character can only be seen at a restaurant, when the waiter is frazzled or the food is not exactly what a person wanted. And those aspects I want to know on the first date, not when I've already invested a month or two into this relationship.
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That's the moment you reach for your wallet, pretend it's not there, and go - "Ahhhh, you might need to pay for this one. I will pay next time." Next time, obviously, you only bring as much cash as they spent this time, and make it quite clear first up that's all you have.
In the case you mentioned, the guy sounds like an alcoholic. That's a lot of drinking to do while the other sits dry or drinks only water.
In the case you mentioned, the guy sounds like an alcoholic. That's a lot of drinking to do while the other sits dry or drinks only water.
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