The Banned Game

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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I had to wear this godawful outfit for Star Wars, said Keisha Castle Hughes

Who's that furry guy next to you?

Oh Im not sure who that is, he was just given the nickname of Chewbacca cos he was always chewing tobacca on the movie set.

What was your role?

I was Queen A

Queen A?

Yea they couldnt get Queen B so they just made me Queen A

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shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
13,628
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113
Hairy feels bad about the banana drool destroying the limo, promises to do better if he gets a part.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
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Oh no!

He who must not be named has got Empress Ruby in his clutches!
We found this footage at the ice hotel...! He must have been practicing his moves for months and months. It seems Empress Ruby has fallen for him. What can we do?!

 

Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
11,912
8,233
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Oh boy, I would like to know who thawed out the wicked leader? Does this mean our time of peace is over?
I just gave my security team a months holiday. Luckily my security sharks around my presidential building dont need holidays. Anybody trying to pass thru the surrounding waters would be eaten, not to mention my swarm of piranha's whom are always hungry.
Empress's Jenny and Lanolin we need to skype and come up with a new plan. Who knows what this wicked leader and his faithful cousin are up to next.
 

Ruby123

Well-known member
Mar 1, 2019
11,912
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Oh no!

He who must not be named has got Empress Ruby in his clutches!
We found this footage at the ice hotel...! He must have been practicing his moves for months and months. It seems Empress Ruby has fallen for him. What can we do?!

Empress Ruby is intrigued with the blue milkshake wondering exactly what flavour that would be?
She danced with the wicked leader and whilst he was concentrating on his footwork she stuck out her foot and he tumbled down the stairs and into the surrounding waters. She whistled to her faithful guard shark and she came gliding over immediately. This was the last footage of the security shark chasing the wicked leader



He managed to escape the sharks clutches. I guess it was all the adrenalin. He hot wired the nearest car and accelerated. The security shark would not give up, she faithfully chased him. More footage of the chase.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
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I dont think he'll get very far in the Shittimstanian limo. Hairy used banana peels as brakes.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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The blue milk is from some country I have never heard of. I suspect its former Japovia again, they kept trying to flog those blue lipsticks remember?

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shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
13,628
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Oh no!

He who must not be named has got Empress Ruby in his clutches!
We found this footage at the ice hotel...! He must have been practicing his moves for months and months. It seems Empress Ruby has fallen for him. What can we do?!

(that was super-duper sweet!:);)(y))
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
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Thankfully Empress Ruby was smart and didnt drink the blue milkshake. We would have to have rescued her if she had.

Milk moustaches dont look good on Empresses

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,177
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Intel to Empress Ruby
We have evidence that He who must not be named is planning an even bigger comeback after his failed 'Ruby its cold outside' ploy. And it has something to do with this suspicious blue milk from former Japovia (now called Tatooine) which seems to come from Chief Sculpts prized goats.

I would launch a detailed investigation since the coloured lipsticks have now run out and it seems his nefarious plan is to have all the Empresses wear blue milk moustaches, and then overtake the Queendoms and change them into 'Kingdoms'.

Be on your guard!
Lanolinland has Prince Hairy to contend with, but we are quite confident Queen A can handle him and not let the heir to King Kong take over and destroy Jennymaesias highest tower.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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The guinea pigs crack team found this in He who must not be names hotel room that he left behind
It looks susupicious, especially since we know whenever he uses the word 'Baby' he changes it to 'Ruby'
They are pretty sure that he was planning another comeback of monumental proportions in attempts to be 'King' . Plus, it has his signature writing style of not having any paragraphs and being hard on the eyes.


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shittim

Senior Member
Dec 16, 2016
13,628
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merely getting him off the banana Twinkies did wonders, a spy from one of the enemy kingdoms (queen-doms?) filled the emergency rations of the Shittimistanian defense forces with the foul and fattening items, hence his drooling decline, he looks a lot better now, though has lost much of his easy going persona-
 

Moses_Young

Well-known member
Sep 15, 2019
9,150
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Darkness had fallen over the most famous park in Rubyland, and the denizens of Rubyland, together with their Empress, had drifted off to sleep amongst their newspapers, park benches and cardboard boxes of various sizes. A solitary, masked figure approached the frozen centrepiece of the park.

The ice statue in the centre of the park stood in contrast to the park's other snoring, drooling inhabitants - standing silently alone, gazing into the horizon, with an almost hopeful expression on his face, his right arm outstretched and holding what seemed to be a saber. Below the statue quietly hummed the Freezinator 22000, the latest, greatest device from Rubyland scientists for maintaining items at freezingly cold temperatures without having to conceal said items inside a cooler compartment - ideal for preventing frozen goods from dethawing whilst keeping them on display for all to see.

The masked figure now approached the statue, and after a final glance to ensure that no one stirred, pressed the large, red button on the Freezinator 22000 marked "Dethaw". The Freezinator 22000's humming suddenly became louder, and a dim red glow emanated from the statue as the rapid dethawing process commenced.

Within minutes, the figure of the dethawing statue morphed into the shape of the now legendary leader of Mosestaria, before the shape collapsed - no longer being supported by the solid ice.

"Just relax for a moment", a female voice whispered. "You are now free of the ice."

"W-w-where a-am I-I-I?" chattered the voice of the great leader, no longer constrained by the ice and once more able to speak.

"Rubyland's most famous park - Rubypark," replied the female voice. "But be quiet, we are not amongst friends here".

"W-w-who a-a-are y-you?" asked the Chieftain, who, although quite legendary, was clearly not completely immune from hypothermia.

"Someone who loves you," the female voice replied, as she removed her mask.

No sooner had she done this than a loud, terrible cackling was heard throughout Rubypark, and the park floodlights were suddenly turned on...

"Empress Lanolin, the Spice Crone!" cursed the Chieftain as his would-be rescuer looked worriedly for the source of the sound. "I would know that insane laughter anywhere..."
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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ah Mr Polar Pop, laughed President Lanolin
Its 'Ginseng Spice' actually not 'Spice Crone'

Here, drink some of this hot ginseng elixir and you will look years younger

He who must not be named drank the hot beverage and was transformed, he now looked 20 years younger and about 10 years old

Perfect said President Lanolin
Then she drove him to the ice hotel to meet 'Baby Spice Ruby'
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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President Lanolin decided before she retired from her presidency that 'Baby spice Ruby' and the now 10 year old looking MB (Moses Boy) would learn to get over themselves and play nicely with each other because it was such a headache having to deal with all their dramas while running her own country across the ditch.

So she sent Baroness Barry back to Rubyland and said Im sure the possums will elect you for President of both nations when they are united again. Im sorry you wont stand a chance here in Lanolinland.

Then President Lanolin got in the plane back to Lanolinland. Miss Greenlips Hine flew her over the newly planted Banana Island that was going to be the setting for the new film starring Prince Hairy and Keisha Castle Hughes.

Miss Greenlips Hine, I thought King Kong 2 was going to have a dramatic scene where Hairy gets to rescue a damsel in distress from the Sky Tower or something?

Oh no says Miss Greenlips Hine. I read the script, that doesnt happen. In this movie, the Queen invites Hairy to a high tea where they dress in fancy clothes and eat banana sandwiches with the crusts cut off. Its all very proper.

Huh. Ok...well I suppose Peter Jackson must know what hes doing

Im sure he does President Lanolin.
 

jennymae

Well-known member
Feb 28, 2020
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605
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The Empress was back in her castle. The beauty adventure had been a disaster. Her only customer of significance was an American born princess, or rather ex-princess, who would really care anyways, and that princess character had eventually purchased the entire company for a fistful of dollars. Good riddance, she thought.

Her empire was in tatters when she arrived. A complete cleanup was her first order. The new prison came in handy when the governmental freeloaders who had been feasting on her expense needed a place to stay for the next few decades. As always in Jennymaesia, the executive branch (the Empress herself) would trump whatever the courts decided. The Empress had missed the division of powers classes and routinely incarcerated judges who ruled otherwise. So she simply convicted everybody, guilty or not guilty, to spend 25 years in one of her dated correctional facilities.

She went to see Jomés Band, her former husband. He was doing life w/o parole for high treason. The Empress promised to commute his sentence on one condition: He had to steal the Mosestarian First Lady tiara and bring it to the Empress. She had always envied the First Lady of Mosestaria and her jewelry. Jomés Band agreed immediately. And off he was. This was a win win. Either he managed to steal the tiara, or he was captured by the Mosestarians.

The Empress then built a wall surrounding her country. She would not let anybody get in…or out. A fat guy in a country Far East had advised her to. He told her that a wall and a few rockets would make her neighbors stay away. He was seasoned in the business. He really was. So was his father and his grandfather.

And a big, beautiful wall it was.