The Banned Game

[Lanolin]

The newly slimmed down guinea pigs possums held on to Baroness Barry as she was strapping them into the plane.

My possums we are going to make a fabulous entrance!

The possums trusted Baroness Barry competely, so if she wanted to go skydiving they would go skydiving with her, they supposed. They were part of her entourage now

Say gidday to your pilot.

The pilot turned around and gave a green lipped smile.

Miss Greenlips Hine! what was she doing flying their plane?! But then she was so clever she could do anything, even ordering rainbows and mackeral clouds whenever she wanted.

Are we going back to Lanolinland? wondered the possums.

Miss Greenlips Hine strapped on her aviator ray bans.
Hold on tight it might be a bumpy ride!

 

[Lanolin]

and just like that He who must not be named appeared in the mirror of 'Lady' Abigails exclusive boutique, looking like he'd just woken up, bloated from eating too much cheese. He was also bloodshot and bleary eyed and red in the face from watching too much tv he didnt like.

 

[Lanolin]

'Lady' Abigail slowly turned around

She told me you were in Antarctica! You SAID you were in Antarctica!

He who must not be named cocked one lazy eyebrow. And you believed Miss Ruby? Ha. Penguins are no match for this goat. Why on earth would I be in Antarctica, when I could be....melting your ice cold heart....you dont fool me, Miss Jennymae, even though your spy woke me up at the most inopportune time

*My* spy? That wretched greenhorn, she wouldnt know style if she fell over it

Now now, be careful what you say about Miss Hairy's wardrobe. The shittimstanians are loyal to me now since youve made it impossible for them to be on the cover of any hag mag.

The two leaders glared at each other. There was a long silence

The Duchess and her husband exchanged awkward glances. Harry coughed and then said er, well we best be off, we have another engagment to get to and er, if theres no possbility of obtaining the green lipstick today just deliver it another time wont you?

 

[Moses_Young]

"Mordecai!"

The voice of the Mosestarian Chieftain over the underground Antarctic fortress's intercom system startled the chief wise man from his television-induced stupor.

"Not watching more of that Lanolinland propaganda, are you, Mordecai?" the voice reprimanded sternly.

The wise man shook his head. "Ah, no sir, just happened to turn it on, then my morbid fascination with the surreal events..."

The voice of the Mosestarian Chieftain abruptly cut off Mordecai's excuses. "Hypnotising. You were hypnotised by the mind rot. You should be ashamed, had I not more pressing matters to discuss with you than the dangers of TV."

The wise man nodded obediently.

"As we speak..." the intercom continued with the Mosestarian Chieftain's voice, "the Empress of Jennymaesia is some several thousand meters above our heads, but descending rapidly..."

The wise man nodded again.

"Irrespective of her choice of lipstick, Mordecai, this is one mean Empress. She has the Empress of Rubyland with her, and rumour has it, they're out to kick ***!"

Mordecai gasped, and promptly put his hand to his gaping mouth. He knew time was of the essence, but it was unlike the Chieftain to use such uncouth language.

"Mordecai, I have some other pressing matters to attend to, so you'll need to handle this by yourself. Ready the Shittimistanian troops, and prepare for battle."

"Yes sir!" the wise man answered obediently.

 

[Ruby123]

Megs called Empress Lanolinland, Abigail, Ruby and Ms Hairy on skype.
"We need to step up ladies. These countries need new rulers. Wouldn't it be nice if the world was run by the spice girls? Not only will we run the world but on vacation we can tour and sing" suggested Megs.
"There are a few in the way though. We must capture them and place them in the dungeon at Buckingham Palace. There they will be well guarded. Nobody escapes there" she chuckled wickedly.

"The first one we must dispose of is the wicked chief of Mosestaria. Anybody know his whereabouts? I have heard he is hiding in Antarctica. An order for his groceries from Coles gets sent there once a week. Perhaps we should add an extra few ingredients in his crate. Perhaps they should be laced with smelling salts. Upon opening his basket he will instantly be out like a light. What do you think ladies, a good suggestion or do you have another" ordered Megs.

 

[Lanolin]

President Lanolin was playing Wordle when she got interrupted by message to answer a Skype call. She had just got the five word answer which was RULER in only two goes. The computer congratulated her that this was IMPRESSIVE.
Thats odd, thought President Lanolin. I dont have skype anymore. I will have to download it to answer it.

But I already have facetime, why would I need skype? Must be spam. And so the skype call went unanswered.

 

[jennymae]

Her descent was rough. The wind made her swing like a hangman and the darkness was like being inside a box with no windows. The temperature was so way beyond freezing that even smoke would crystallize. She’d read that in a book once. She could barely she the others, but the faint glow below revealed that they were all en route to the snow covered plains of the Antarctica. For a moment she pondered how they were gonna find the bad guys, but their intelligence had provided them with a map.

 

[Lanolin]

President Lanolin finished watching Neighbours, crying over the last episode in which Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan aka Scott and Charlene finally get round to fixing up the 'vintage' car their son Daniel had left rusting on the front lawn of their old house in Ramsey Street for many years before driving off to Brisbane again.

Everyone needs good neighbours..which reminded her she hadnt friendly waved Empress Ruby for a while. I must ask her how the guinea pigs and bunnies are getting on.

Also, since she won the last Lanovision anthem contest it IS her turn to host.

She really did have the chops to beat her archrival, but since his last defeat and humiliation I dont think he'll be back. She mused. Plus she'll get to pick the theme this time round.

President Lanolin clicked on her Lanovision which was now showing a repeat of Empress Rubys triumphant win. Perhaps she had taken some singing budgie lessons from Miss Minogue.

 

[Lanolin]

Miss Greenlips Hine was aware she had a hijacker on board armed with lethal lipsticks. But she remained cool and collected as she radioed command control.

Pounamu to LALA do you read me
Reading you loud and clear over
I have a Code Red on board the Hercules. She's demanding to be flown to Antartica, which is not in the plan OVER
Just drop her out the hatch and then fly on to Godzone.
What about BB? She claims she's got possums
Possums!! we cant let possums into the country. They will devour our forests. Can you make a detour to Tasmania?
I could, but shes not going to be happy about that.
Huh, well I suppose they COULD land in Dunedin, but on Quarantine Island.
What about Invercargill? I dont think she cares where, as long as she's mayor
We'll have to humour her I guess. I still have a term left to serve as President, so we shall see about that. Possums! They cant vote. Only kiwis can vote in Lanolinland. Give her a long bungee cord.

Miss Greenlips Hine rued the day she became a flying uber pilot.

 

[Ruby123]

I am thinking that there will be no need to fight.
It looks like the wicked leader has conceded, nowhere in sight. Is it too good to be true??
Can there be peace between the countries again. Is it time to have a party?
Have we finally gotten rid of the green banana flavoured lipstick?
So many questions, so little answers.

 

[Lanolin]

well Miss Ruby..
I can only say there is NO wicked leader if nobody bothers listening to anything he says. He then just becomes a wicked watcher of TV and eventually too lazy to even get out of his comfortable lazy boy chair. The tv cant hear you yell at it.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain watching tv

 

[Lanolin]

as they say there is 'no rest for the wicked'
so if he was truly wicked he wouldnt know how to relax and be lazy. He who must not be named ought to thank you for providing him with great entertainment and cheese snacks..he doesnt need to DO anything

 

[jennymae]

I am thinking that there will be no need to fight.
It looks like the wicked leader has conceded, nowhere in sight. Is it too good to be true??
Can there be peace between the countries again. Is it time to have a party?
Have we finally gotten rid of the green banana flavoured lipstick?
So many questions, so little answers.

I think so too. Let the peace prevail. The Empress has had it with war and banana flavored lipstick. Let’s party all night long!🤗

 

[Lanolin]

Calling all Queens
You are cordially invited to a weekend long Queens party in the Queendom of Lanolinland

Fashion Parade down Queen Street, Auckland
Blackwater rafting in Waitomo
Beehive Honey mixer in Wellington
followed by Skiing and snowboarding snow angels in Queenstown, with Hangi feast

You will be escorted by Miss Greenlips Hine
And her flying guinea pigs

Live band includes the ABBA Dancing Queens, Queen and, we even managed to get the Spice Girls back together , along with local act Herbs (including new comers the Catnips)
special guest act Miss Ruby and the Bunny Slippers

Bring your tiara


Kings, bring a plate and a spade*

*to dig the hangi

 

[Lanolin]

We must celebrate our victory! We've resisted He who must not be named, and he has fled from us...never to be heard from again, mouth stuffed too full of cheese to even speak!

(plus if he does ever re-surface, the clever guinea pigs have devised a handy ignore button!)

 

[Ruby123]

Good news Empresses,

My intelligence team reported back to me that they found the wicked former leader of the former country Mosestaria. It seems that his so called clever move to hide out in Antarctica has not paid off. He has frozen into a large icicle and his only hope of escape is for someone to rescue him and thaw him out. Since he has made so many enemies world wide, I doubt anyone will come to his rescue. This is the footage they sent me. Party on girls!!

 

[Lanolin]

Lanolinland already has a giant squid and a t-rex dinosaur in their museum. We just dont have room for any more monsters I'm afraid.

 

[Lanolin]

President Lanolin checked her calendar
It seemed she had forgotten it was....Independence Day

Must call everyone on facetime to celebrate, she mused. Or, wait on was that you were supposed to do on Codependence Day?

She looked up Independence Day on the Hikipedia. It said 'Independence Day is when you can party in your living room and dance around wearing whatever colour lipstick you want!'

Huh I shall use my presidential powers to make this a National holiday

So she did.

 

[jennymae]

We best invite the Mosestarian leader to our peace party. He ain’t gonna change his ways if we don’t. Let’s show him that girl power will always prevail and that he can sit in his corner if he disagrees lol.

Sorry Moses, but right now we rock!😂

 

[jennymae]

Good news Empresses,

My intelligence team reported back to me that they found the wicked former leader of the former country Mosestaria. It seems that his so called clever move to hide out in Antarctica has not paid off. He has frozen into a large icicle and his only hope of escape is for someone to rescue him and thaw him out. Since he has made so many enemies world wide, I doubt anyone will come to his rescue. This is the footage they sent me. Party on girls!!

Aww, I feel sorry for him. Let’s rescue that poor feller and have him come to our party lol.