The Banned Game

She wondered who this purple thing was. Could it be her husband, neighbour, friend?
Maybe it was her enemy, possibly frenemy?
She wondered what she should do.

Then Ruby realised! This obnoxious purple thing was possibly - once upon a time - much more like her. But it had eaten too many donuts, and become the monstrosity it now was. She wondered what weapon would be most appropriate as it slowly approached her. If only she'd been able to drink some coffee - then she'd be able to think clearly again.

The Empress felt sorry for poor Ms Ruby. What a grim situation she had ended up in. The purple shapeless entity was truly a beast and not a beauty like Ms Ruby. Now, where was that Jomés Band character when he was needed? Never trust a man to do the work for you, and the Empress jumped into a chopper, and believe it or not, she handled the flying mixmaster perfectly even though she’d never before done it. That Russian gnome and the chain smoking rocket man from Far East was nothing compared to her.

She suddenly discovered Ms Ruby fighting the monster. She threw down a rescue line and pulled Ms Ruby up. Then she unloaded the entire arsenal of green lipstick on the paralyzed, ghastly and badmouthed purple Godzilla.

She hid from the purple thing wondering whether it was going to eat her thinking she was another donut.
She wished she could phone a friend. She pulled out her phone and on her list of contacts was an Empress JennyMae.
Who could this woman be? Also on the list was Lanolin, Shittim and Hairy.
Who are these people?
On the list of contacts was a blocked name. She pressed to see who it was. Someone called Moses lol.

Miss Ruby realised she was stuck in a time-warp. She kept jumping backward and forward in time. Looping forward again, she asked the Empress "Did you really need to kill it?"

The Empress shook her head kindly. "Oh, innocent, naive young girl that you are..." she started.

Just then, Ruby's phone sounded. The blocked contact had somehow found a way to call.

“Don’t pick up”, the Empress whispered, “it’s the ruler of Mosestaria. He’s found out about your whereabouts. He must have access to a time machine.” Ms Ruby shook her head in disbelief. “No wonder he’s everywhere every time”, she said with a sarcastic tone. “He must have borrowed it from dr. Brown”, the Empress said with quite more than just a hint of panic. “What shall we do?”

Although her memory had not returned she could tell that she had a connection to the Empress.
She admired her long red hair, silky and smooth. Her lipstick was applied perfectly and she had eyelashes to die for.
She was just about to ask her about the purple thing when her phone rang.
She looked at her screen. Strange! the blocked caller was calling.
"Who is this character Moses, Empress. Do we know him"?

“Unfortunately, yes”, the Empress said. “I think he wants to annex our countries and create New Mosestaria, an empire that will make China look tiny and vulnerable.” Ms Ruby shivered. “Should we notify Lanolinland and Hairy?” The Empress formed her lips to a “no”. “We have to flee now and seek help from Captain Gaffe”. Ms Ruby’s eyes went wild learning this. “How can he be of any help? He can’t remember anything anymore.” “Fear not”, the Empress said, “this portable, turbocharged, holy teleprompter will guide him through the heroic process of saving the world!” Ms Ruby and Ms Jenny was now fixin’ to save the world with a little help from an elderly friend.

President Lanolin decided to take a week off and leave Miss Greenlips Hine in charge while she caught up with her reading.

Miss Greenlips Hine warned President Lanolin that even if she chose NOT to run for President, the loyal guinea pigs would still write Lanolins name on the election ballot form anyway even if she was not on it.

Lanolin took off her Presidents badge and went to her favourite place, the library. She got a message saying there was a big book waiting for her on request about Empress Jennymae and several others.
She went to the requests area to check out her books but it seemed the Jennymae bio was not there.

She went up to ask the librarian at the desk and asked what happened to the Empress Jennymae bio? Has it gone missing or someone else has requested it? The librarian was puzzled, nobody else had requested it as Lanolin was first in line.

sorry I think its gone missing. We'll send a search party out to look for it but you cant have it today.

Dang, I was looking forward to reading it. Oh well. I will check these out instead.

She had a Time-Life book called 'Shittimstan's Cultural Revolution'
'Escape, our long journey to freedom...a graphic memoir by the Guinea Pigs
and one she just picked up the shelves, it was a sort of light romance by Danielle Steel called 'Neighbours'
It seemed it was about two neighbours one called Ruby, the other called Moses who hate each other and have a big war but they actually secretly like each other.

haha laughed Lanolin to herself when she read the blurb, sounds like some neighbours I used to know. Hope its not too predictable.

Warning from Captain Gaffe. Do NOT drink the blue milkshake. This is what happens when you drink it. Your lips turn purple and then eventually you will end up like this.

“Captain Gaffe!” We need your strategical skills!” Ms Ruby and Ms Jenny hollered. “Your lips ain’t getting blue from drinking that no good milkshake, Captain Gaffe, it’s the the orange colored kool aid that makes things go sideways!” The two lovely young ladies towered as high as their stilettos allowed them, but the Captain still didn’t see them.

*Seoulsearch wonders if she will have to be wearing to stilettos and drinking blue milk in order to come in and catch up on this thread.*

You will be fine soulsearch! Hairy says so!

We need you on our side to conquer all evil in the banned thread. Bring your stilettos and prepare for stride!😂

Meanwhile... Captain Gaffe ambled confusedly amongst the other world leaders, trying to find his mask. So far as his performances went, this was one of his best yet.

""I’m the Democratic Party; I am President. So is the Speaker of the House and so is the - the Majority Leader. We are not defunding the police," he muttered at the reporters who were interrupting the search for his item of PPE.

"But Mr President, aren't there some in your party who want to defund the police?" a particularly bothersome correspondent insisted.

"Are there people in the Republican Party who think we’re sucking the blood out of kids?" Captain Gaffe concealed a smile. "There, that had shut them up," he thought to himself triumphantly. And then, the Captain abruptly stopped his search. Two lovely young ladies stood before him, towering as high as their stilettos would allow, and they were shouting something about “strategical skills!”

"Finally," the Captain mumbled to himself. "Some people on whom my skills will not be wasted."

Miss Greenlips Hine was dealing with President Lanolins correspondence while she was away reading.

Another ambassador from Korea was asking about blue milk and stilettos and it seemed urgent that she reply within 2 working days.

Dear Ms Seoul

Lanolinland has 'blue milk' in bottles that have blue bottle caps on them and that means the milk has been homogenised. However that is not the BEST milk. The best milk is straight from the cow, but we put that in silver caps. The cream rises to the top. and it is also known as whole milk. Blue milk does not have cream on top.

Lanolinland has Blue Cheese but the blue milk from Tatooine (or former Japovia) is completely different. It is actually blue. And if you drink it, you will have a blue milk moustache and the consequences are dire in polite company.

As for stilettos we are the land of hobbits and do not really wear them here. We wear gumboots to protect our feet from the mud. Stilettos are more of a Jennymaesian invention so you'll need to buy them from her.

Kindest regards
Miss Greenlips Hine

ps. there is also green milk but that is rarer and I have forgotten what that even signifies. I dont drink milk because I am not a baby. My green lips are because I have them tattooed green. If you do decide to come over you will see for yourselves why at the powhiri

Lanolin cracked open her book on Shittimstan and found a few interesting factoids
Like this one.

What, every day is National Donut day in Shittimstan? Why not just call it National Donut Year?

What is the legend behind these donuts? Is it every day, theres a different donut, like how Catholic countries have a different saint for every day and then go crazy on Halloween because its the one day for those who didnt make it?

What about Pancake day? Or is that categorised as a donut, as long as there is a hole in it?

Lanolin wrote in her diary 'look up what donut today is, or obtain a calendar from Shittimstan'

As there were no universities in Shittimstan or professors she could ask, she thought maybe I shall have to speak to the guinea pigs. They will know, but after I have read their book because they are the ones who escaped from Shittimstan in the first place.

according to Duck Duck Go, National Donut day was June 3 but there have been several other donut days in other countries
It was started by the Salvation Army
hmm thought Lanolin. The dunkin donut franchise never really did that well in Lanolinland.

However we do have You're an Egg day. I rememeber people fighting over the meaning of Easter but at one church we all got given eggs and had to tell each other what the egg symbolises. Of course kiwis are not stupid we all know what the egg means.

In Shittimistan the Donut is revered..
Be is glazed, raised, iced, flavored, sprinkled.
Hence every day is Donut day least anyone's favorite be ignored.
The guinea pigs have a fondness for carrot ones of course-

But what day is carrot donut day?
Surely they cant have a carrot donut EVERY day. Otherwise it would not be a special day. Carrots do not grow year round in Lanolinland.

International Carrot day is April 4

http://carrotday.com/