The Lord God said, "it is not good for man to be alone," but...

(1) The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” But, every child of God who desires to be married will not get married. How do you reconcile the two?

Arguably helper is a spouse as Proverbs 18:22 says "he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."

We know "God is not a man, that he should lie"... "hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?"

So, if a child of God has surrendered to His will, and God has placed the desire for marriage in the person's heart and promised He will make a helper suitable for him, why do some end up single?

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. So, even if one detours and is not in the will of God, wouldn't God reroute his child (if there has been a complete submission to His will over the individual's will)? Or, wouldn't He remove the desire?

(2) Do you believe you have one soulmate? I do, by the way, since God knows the end from the beginning and He knew every choice we would make. He says He knew us before we were formed in the womb. I believe God cares about every detail of our lives. There are no two ppl on earth with the same fingerprints. So, why would something as important as one's spouse not be predestined?

Look forward to hearing what others think about the above topics

Soul mate is a pagan idea, not a scriptural one.

What does individuality have to do with predestined marriage? I see zero connection between the two.

I've never once viewed that verse as being about marriage. "Arguably" does not fact. It "could" be argued that's what it means, but only Could.

Marriage is heavily pushed in churches. And it's my experience the more people Want to get married the more they'll accept anything that supports the idea that they are destined to.
Yet marriage is never promised. And not everyone marries, even those who desire it. Or if they do marry they may be older. My cousin was nearly 60 before his first marriage. But those facts are often overlooked in favor of people hearing what they want.

Cos Jesus sends a helper (holy spirit) and you dont need to marry the holy spirit, who resides inside of you.

Interesting... can you reconcile your statement with the below Scripture?

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LordGod caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said,

“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

I'm not sure that mate selection is predetermined. I can see it as something that we can allow God to do for us, or we can step outside His will and marry someone we ought not to. In the latter case, if God had someone for us, then how is the other party ever matched with "the one" God originally intended? It would have to be a second choice option for God, a back-up plan.

As for it not being good for the man to be alone, I think it is arguable that that was meant for the original inhabitants of the earth. After a world population of 250 million or so, I think it's safe to say that we stopped being "alone".

But, what if God meant the Genesis sense of not being alone for every human of all time? What about Paul's charge to marry if your hormones are knocking you around? Honestly, I do not have an answer. I'm going to see what others say, but that is something I've contended with God about for some time. Paul mentioned the gift of celibacy. Well, I can assure all here that I do not have that "gift". So, apparently it is fine for us to "burn", as it were. And, it's not just in the area of a mate that I, personally, am alone.

My friends, my actual friends (not the Facebook brand), are on the coasts. I've been in AZ for 2 years and 9 months, and I've yet to develop a social life here. Yes, I've prayed. Yes, I've "gotten out there", whatever that stupid cliché means. Churches, meetup groups... nothing has developed. I am largely alone, except when I'm at the gym or the supermarket, and I have the occasional brush-in with another human.

This is not the only thing about God or the Bible that raises question marks in my head. There are those areas that seem to be contradictions or are otherwise misleading. James 5:15 says that the prayer of faith will heal the sick. Well, not every time. My wife dying at 43 (not 85 or something more normal) would see to attest to this.

I suppose this is where faith comes in. It appears God's word is not true, but we have to somehow trust that it is. Although having explanation would certainly be a help.

Howdy sheborn and welcome to the forum.

The topic of a soulmate comes up often here. It always winds up in a mess. Some holler about it being God's promise to people, some holler about it being pagan, some men holler about how evil all women are, some women... wait, there aren't a lot of women hollering about how evil men are. Strange. It's always men hollering about evil women.

Anyway, this topic always generates a lot of hollering. So yeah, good luck with this topic.

There is nothing too hard for God and the God of the OT and the mega faith stories is the same One today. Abraham being the father of many nations not having children yet in his 90's+, Noah building an unheard of Ark to shelter from a coming flood, Joseph being thrown in a well by his jealous brothers then prison on false charges knew God had a plan for him the whole time. Many more awesome pictures of God's omnipotence.
A Scripture that tests our faith in God is Mk 11:23 and24 and simply put if we want something, ask God and then believe it is done because God doesn't lie. A famous preacher bed-ridden for months was told by Drs from the Mayo clinic he would die by any of his three deadly conditions. He said Mk 11:23-24 he took to heart and miraculously He was healed by believing what God said is true. So that's what I would start with. Building our faith, by hearing reading the Word, and praising God frequently, helps us recognize how good God is.
Yes I believe in matches made in Heaven, in other words, equally yoked being in unity in Christ. God bless (and I say 'go for it' lol).

she was actually already inside of him to begin with.
If Adam was clever he would have known this lol

1) Not good for the man to be alone- we're talking about the creation of a species in that one. So no a world of just men wouldn't be good. A world of just women wouldn't be good either. We need both. But just because a person is unmarried doesn't mean they never have interactions with the opposite sex. So that's reconciled - unmarried isn't the same thing as alone. Your interpretation that a helper is a spouse would need more support than this.

2) Soulmates indeed are a pagan concept. But assuming you're using the word more colloquially to mean something like perfect fit / perfect match, that's a rather stressful thought. I mean it's hard enough to find someone you want to marry who it would be a good decision to marry; now we're adding the question of is this the one in 10 billion or so (because while there are only 7 billion or so people on the planet the actual individuals on the planet keep changing throughout your life) that God has for me. What if it's not? Does that justify a later divorce? What if your perfect one has turned their back on God and decided not to follow his plan? Are you doomed to singleness? And that's before we get into the fact that there are not an equal number of men and women on the planet so how could there be one godly spouse for everyone?

And final thought - the more we believe in an unchangeable destiny in love (or any area of life) the more likely we are to sit on our butts and not do anything because we don't think anything we could do would make a difference. It's all predestined after all.

when I was a pagan I thought like a pagan and consulted my horoscope lol

people have this weird thing about predestiny but this does not apply to spouses or our own decisions in life

The Bible is talking about salvation - God has already made a way for us to be redeemed so we can live with Him forever.
Also in heaven we are not marrying or given to marriage we will be like angels

on earth its not compulsory for anybody to marry. If you want to its your choice, its not a given.
When God was creating he made two people otherwise it would be boring for Adam to be all by himself. Adam didnt have a mum or a dad.

some people end up single because their spouse dies, that is a fact of life, people get widowed. If you do marry theres no guarantee that you will die TOGETHER. Couples that do that, maybe dont wear seatbelts.

Just because God made a helpmate for everyone, doesn't mean we will recognize this person when we meet them. It also doesn't even mean we will be in the right place at the right time(we might choose to be somewhere else at that moment), to ever meet them. Life is one long series of choices, and our free will allows us the opportunity to miss such chances of fate.

I don't think I actually believe I have one soulmate out there. I believe that love is a choice we make, not some feeling, emotion or anything like that. I chose to love my husband (whether through conscious decision or unconscious), not because I believed he was my soulmate, and somehow we were drawn together by fate, emotion or the likes, but because I believe in free will.

If we have only one soulmate in our lifetimes, then remarrying after being widowed would be useless, and since the Bible does refer to this, I would have to say that sort of nulls the whole romantic notion of a "single" soulmate. With this in mind, I will say that over the years, learning by going through both good times and bad times with my husband, he probably knew me better than anyone else, as I did him. Becoming one with him takes on new meaning when you get that close to someone.

I also don't believe that agreeing or disagreeing with me on this will change anything important in either of our lives. God first...marriage is just a bonus...if it's done correctly. Peace!!

Hi Sheborn, welcome to CC!

As some have pointed out, this topic gets brought up a lot. As a lifelong member of the Christian community (which I'm not mentioning just as background, not any kind of clout,) I have seen the topic of "It is not good for the man to be alone," discussed many, many times. Even though I am a woman, when I was younger, I bought into interpretations that God had a wonderful, heavenly, almost magical person for each of us and everything would be harps and clouds if we just listened and obeyed.

I see this especially on Christian dating sites -- so many people believing that God's best for them must absolutely mean everything they want, even if they don't qualify for those things themselves (i.e, wanting to marry a fitness model when one is 60 lbs. overweight, or wanting to marry someone wealthy when that person hasn't learned to to manage their own personal finances.)

As I've gotten older (and am still single,) I've often thought about why, when people talk about the passages that promote marriage in the Bible, there is no mention of other cases revolving around marriage that aren't so pretty.

These days I am part of the camp in that believes God was speaking to Adam specifically ("It is not good for the man to be alone") in a very specific situation -- I do not believe He was speaking to all of humankind (after all, the New Testament says some were born eunichs because God made them that way.)

Now I could very well be wrong -- it's one of the things I look forward to God revealing to us in heaven, but when we talk about marriage being God's supposed human-wide decree, why doesn't anyone include:

1. Jeremiah, who was instructed NOT to marry, no arguing about it. (Jeremiah 16:2)

2. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute who would keep leaving him for other men -- he had no choice in the matter. (Hosea 1:2-4)

3. God told Ezekiel in advance that He was going to take away "the delight of your eyes," and yet Ezekiel was not allowed to weep or mourn. (Ezekiel 24:15-27)

And these were about as choice of men of God as you can get -- neither wayward nor unbelieving -- and yet this is what God decided for them. Why does every Christian single think they will somehow be the exception?

Somehow the Christian single community will zero in on the just the point of God deciding that Adam being alone was not good and he needed a helper. Why are these examples of other outcomes never mentioned as a balance? Why is there an assumption that something meant for Adam must also be meant for everyone else, but these examples are just isolated cases to be brushed under the rug? I understand why no one would want to believe these situations could apply to them. But that doesn't seem to be how real life in a sinful world works.

As in the case of Jeremiah, I believe some may be told they cannot marry, for whatever reason God has. I also believe that like Hosea, God may tell some to marry difficult people just because it's His will and He has a modern-day purpose in it (I knew someone once who believed God was telling them to marry a violent alcoholic, and this person did so, believing they were hearing from and obeying God.) In other cases, even if someone does fight "the delight of their eyes," that does not mean that God will allow them a lifetime together, because He may decide to cut it short, for whatever reason He sees fit. As it is, God rarely takes both people in a marriage at the same time. Anyone who marries must also know that there is a 50/50 chance they will once again wind up single.

You brought up the question asking, why wouldn't God take away the desire if we weren't to be married if it wasn't supposed to happen? God doesn't necessarily take away desires just because they go unfulfilled. He clearly says, "Deny yourselves -- pick up your cross, and follow Me." In some cases, faith is proven stronger, or even just to exist, when He still allows something in our lives (such as a desire for something we never see fulfilled) that we have to set aside and prove our loyalty by continuing to follow Him, no matter what happens.

I understand that marriage is a very important part of the Christian community, especially among singles. But I personally now believe that it has to be handled REALISTICALLY. One of my own disappointments in church culture was the almost mythical belief that EVERYONE has a God-given "perfect someone" out there whom they will have a forever blissful wedded life with, and somehow God absolutely promises that. If I can, I will happily spare anyone else the grief of buying into that and seeing it all go kaput.

To me, one of the most valuable adjustments I've made in my single Christian walk is to accept that a happy marriage just isn't promised nor guaranteed, but there are a lot of other ways that God can bless your life and make it meaningful, whether one eventually marries or not.

Years ago, when chat used to be active, I listened in on a fascinating discussion about this in which someone also pointed out that if we have one "soulmate" destined for us, what happens if that person dies in childhood, or before we meet them? Are we then doomed to be alone forever? I know the simple answer is that God would surely preserve and protect them for us which could be possible, but for instance...

Out of all the children who don't make it to adulthood, does that mean they were never meant to be someone's soulmate? And if they were, what happens to the millions of "partners" they've left now left behind?

Another point was also brought up that just because two "soulmates" met, it doesn't mean they would actually like or decide to marry each other. Everyone assumes they will "know" and that "sparks" will be set off -- but what if it doesn't always happen that way?

Two of the participants in the discussion stated that while they didn't believe in soulmates, they did believe that many people are unmarried because they were unwilling to, or rejected the person God had wanted them to marry.

I have a friend who has told me for 20 years: "God doesn't always give you what you want; He'll give you what you need," and the more time goes on, the more I believe that.

I think many singles, perhaps myself included, might have passed what could have been the right person by because we are so fixed on what we want rather than what God knows we need.

I think as far as a soul mate goes, that's just not guaranteed. I suspect about 99% of us just have to look at the evidence,.. what do we know about this person?.. Is this a good idea or not?..

You gotta figure that out. They had to figure that out in Jeremiah's day...

Jeremiah 29:4-7... “Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. 6 Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. 7 But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.

A few reasons. I don't normally open up on line, but maybe this will help someone else.
I could write a book on this but will give a rough outline of a few reasons.

A. Most are unbelievers. That narrows down the choices to a small%.
B. Government does a poor job raising children. For many generations, people worldwide have been placed into a Prussian model of education. I don't want to go into details now, but at the risk of hurting someone's feelings.....most parents turn their children over to strangers to raise. Parents argue, "I've put food on the plate, paid the bills and gotten little Bulla and Buford the best things and take them to sports!"
True. But while the dad's AND mom's are out working for that, who is influencing the children?
Answer: UNbelievers who have different values than Dad and Mom, who take the role of authority above and beyond the parents in the eyes of the kids.
Kids grow up to become adults and instantly believe and act like Christians.....right?

I was friends with the neighbors growing up.
They were christians of like faith. Two good parents and a homeschooled boy and girl.
We liked and listened to the same preachers, parents discussed Bible doctrines / various passages with me often. They saw me start a business from an early age and work hard every week. We all liked each other's company and when their daughter graduated with a 4.0 and high quality, virtuous, mature. We got along well, but I kept what healthy boundaries. However, they kept hinting at getting aquatinted with their daughter and taking her out. I was raised in the Prussian system of Age Segregation, so anyone more than a couple years difference is off limits.
I had no idea how much difference public school children and teachers influenced christian kids at the time. Those who were good christian home school parents influence their own children, help expose them to good friends of similar values.
When adulthood eventually comes to fruition, the transition is no big deal for that responsible christian teenager/ young adult.
Most others drop out of church, don't want to walk with the Lord. Many have serious alcohol, promiscuity, and drug problems that carry into marriage. That's just what they were around.

D. Career women vs. traditional families.
I won't even go here. I have friends who's wives are great career moms, but their children get raised by others. Either raise the kids at home or follow that career. Something has to be compromised either way..... Extra money OR influence of children.

That's all for now.
☕🙂👍

And just to add on D.... I used to work at pre schools and it was pretty disheartening seeing babies as young as 6 months spend up to 10 hours at the centres while their mothers worked. I know its personal choice and all that jazz but .....

I hear you. One former girlfriend worked at a day care.

It's the sign of these times.
Divorce is so common as is a lack of father's responsibility, puts mothers into single parent situations. Not judging everyone. My parents divorced, but it affected us all.. Moms are doing their best and have to pay the bills. It breaks my heart.
I hate what happened to the families in America since the 1960s. Now more marriages end in divorce even among Christians. I tried to learn from those older married couples and learned quite a lot.
They have had the same problems as most, but have coping mechanisms, strong devotion even when there's conflict..... Raised much differently as children and got married young. Parental, societal, and church expectations as well as support.... No dependence upon government. Those are just a handful of reasons off the top of my head.

I think God's selection for man is predetermined. Man's selection (the actual outcome) is not predetermined due to free will. If not predetermined, how are we stepping outside His will? Since He knows the end from the beginning, that would suggest He doesn't need a plan B. So, maybe this answers my original Q -- maybe many end up single bc the one that God predetermined stepped out of God's will. Just a thought...

24 "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

Same - I have questions about what I believe are contradictory scriptures. E.g., I believe helpmate is spouse bc of scripture posted above that says "wife." And, Proverbs says he who finds a "wife" finds a good thing and obtains favor from God. But, Paul contradicts what God says in Genesis. But, if all scriptures are inspired by God, then how can Paul say it's better to remain unmarried and go against the Word of God? (Confused face lol)