If God Called You to a Difficult/"Impossible" Marriage Situation, Would You Run or Obey?

Hey Everyone,

I wrote this post as a reply to a recent thread:

As a lifelong member of the Christian community (which I'm not mentioning just as background information, certainly not any kind of clout,) I have seen the topic of "It is not good for the man to be alone," discussed many, many times. Even though I am a woman, when I was younger, I bought into interpretations of this passage that God had a wonderful, heavenly, almost magical person for each of us and everything would be harps and clouds with that person if we just listened and obeyed.

I see this especially on Christian dating sites -- so many people believing that God's best for them must absolutely mean everything they want, even if they don't qualify for those things themselves (i.e, wanting to marry a fitness model when one is 60 lbs. overweight, wanting to marry someone wealthy when that person hasn't learned to to manage their own personal finances, etc.)

As I've gotten older (and am still single,) I've often thought about why, when people talk about the passages that promote marriage in the Bible, there is no mention of other cases revolving around marriage that aren't so pretty.

These days I am part of the camp in that believes God was speaking to Adam specifically ("It is not good for the man to be alone") in a very specific situation -- I do not believe He was speaking to absolutely all of humankind (after all, the New Testament says some were born eunichs because God made them that way.)

Now I could very well be wrong -- it's one of the things I look forward to God revealing to us in heaven. But when we talk about marriage being God's supposed human-wide decree, why doesn't anyone include:

1. Jeremiah, who was plainly instructed NOT to marry -- there's just no arguing about it. (Jeremiah 16:2)

2. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute who would keep leaving him for other men, and he had no choice in the matter. (Hosea 1:2-4)

3. God told Ezekiel in advance that He was going to take away "the delight of your eyes," and yet Ezekiel was not allowed to weep or mourn or show any outward signs of his great sorrow. (Ezekiel 24:15-27)

And these were about as choice of men of God as you can get -- neither wayward nor unbelieving -- yet this is what God decided for them. Why does every Christian single think they will somehow be the exception and be called to a blissful, joyful marriage instead?

Somehow the Christian single community will zero in on the just the point of God deciding that Adam being alone was not good and he needed a helper. Why are these examples of other outcomes never mentioned as a balance? Why is there an assumption that something meant for Adam must also be meant for everyone else, but these examples are treated as isolated cases to be brushed under the rug? I understand why no one would want to believe these situations could apply to them. But that doesn't seem to be how real life in a sinful world works.

As in the case of Jeremiah, I believe some may be told they cannot marry, for whatever reason God has. I also believe that like Hosea, God may tell some to marry difficult people or into difficult situationss just because it's His will and He has a modern-day purpose in it. In other cases, even if someone does fight "the delight of their eyes," that does not mean that God will allow them a lifetime together, because He may decide to cut it short, for whatever reason He sees fit. As it is, God rarely takes both people in a marriage at the same time, and anyone who marries must also know that there is a 50/50 chance they will once again wind up single.

I have known 3 cases in which a Christian person believed they were called by God to marry the other person, even though there were, as Lynx likes to say, "More red flags than at a Chinese parade." Whether it was truly of God, I don't know. Two marriages consisted of both Christians; one was between a Christian and non-Christian (and I know it would be debated as to whether God would direct this as He did with Hosea, but only God knows.)

All three people who believed they were called into these marriages did everything they could to hold it together; two ended in divorce due to the person they felt called to marry committing adultery and violent acts against the person who thought they were called; one held on, but only after the person who felt they had been called into the marriage had dealt with 25 years of the other person's violent alcoholic rages which included bashing mirrors, then mutilating himself with the shards. Even after this turning point, it took several more years of rehab and therapy for their marriage to change.

As I said, I don't know if these people truly heard from God, and I don't know any more than what I'm describing here, so please don't get caught up in the examples. I don't have any other information to share about them, so we can only take them at face value.

But I personally believe that God still calls people to difficult marital situations, and maybe that's why so many of us aren't married.

How would you react if God told you:

1. That you were to never marry (like Jeremiah.)

2. That you were to marry someone, and they would cheat on you -- even having children by a different person -- but God wanted you to stay with them anyway.

3. That you were marry, but God would eventually call your spouse home first, and you would be left behind on your own for many years.

4. That your marriage would be difficult (alcoholism, addiction, desertion, cancer, the death of a child, Alzheimer's or the hundred thousand other issues that can come up in a marriage,) but God still wanted you to marry and carry on anyways.

What do you think you would do? And for the people who HAVE endured these things in their marriages, whether past or present -- would you have still married if you knew in advance these things would happen?

I know if it were me, without a doubt, I would plead with God to leave me as I am -- single -- but if God calls us, what other choice do we have?

I'm curious to know how singles feel about the other possibility that no one ever seems to talk about -- that through marriage, God might be calling us to situations we are not yet equipped to handle.

And will we ever be?

What do you think?

1) Yeah it's looking like life is headed that way divine revelation of it or no so no biggie here.
2) That's gonna be hard. God probably needs to give me a really good why before I'm like ok I'll put up with that.
3) I'd just ask if it would be worth it. Some good years together might be better than never having a good marriage and never having the pain of losing it.
4) Depends on the difficulty, but yeah looking for someone to marry I'm looking for the person that I want in my corner when the worst moments of life hit ( it just doesn't sound very romantic to say I want to share the worst in life with you).

Yes, and this certainly isn't meant to sound like singles have a carefree life.

One of the things I've found in common with a number of singles, especially those who are getting older, is that they often get put in the position where they have to take care of family issues or needs that others family members can't because they have their own things going on.

I've known many singles who were expected to be automatic caretakers/providers/domestic help really for no other reason than that they were single and obligated into being available.

And this isn't by any means meant to dismiss everything that marrieds with families have to deal with either.

I guess the general summary is that God calls us all to different things, and despite our different situations, we are all pushed to or past our breaking points as He sees necessary for our spiritual growth.

How would you react if God told you:

1. That you were to never marry (like Jeremiah.)

2. That you were to marry someone, and they would cheat on you -- even having children by a different person -- but God wanted you to stay with them anyway.

3. That you were marry, but God would eventually call your spouse home first, and you would be left behind on your own for many years.

4. That your marriage would be difficult (alcoholism, addiction, desertion, cancer, the death of a child, Alzheimer's or the hundred thousand other issues that can come up in a marriage,) but God still wanted you to marry and carry on anyways.

Im separated so I know that side of the coin. It hasnt deterred me from being married again tho. But Id have a long hard think about the next person. I didnt ask God for his advice the first time so that would make a difference I believe. Would I do it all again if I knew the outcome? Really hard to say because I have my child and she is uniquely half him half me.

Im single now and
1) Id accept that and focus on other things like parenting etc
2) It is doable and I say that because my child has half siblings that mean a lot to us, their mother also included in that. My mother took in my dads first child with another so that influenced my feelings on that topic.
3) That would really suck but I would be grateful to experience love under God.
4) Like most people who are or been married know, the hardships and challenges are there as a couple. Thats a good question to ponder. Did God want me to stay in my marriage?

How would you react if God told you:

1. That you were to never marry (like Jeremiah.)

That's hard to answer because I've already been married before. I'm not sure how I would handle that.

2. That you were to marry someone, and they would cheat on you -- even having children by a different person -- but God wanted you to stay with them anyway.

That's another tough one. I'm sure my answer would be something along the lines of... Ok, I'll stay with her, but how am I supposed to handle the ridicule and shame I'm getting from family and friends? I've known a couple of guys who's wives had kids by other men. That's a very difficult thing for the husband in particular. Usually the child and any siblings will know about it in time, which presents its own set of circumstances.

3. That you were marry, but God would eventually call your spouse home first, and you would be left behind on your own for many years.

Well, one of you is going to pass away first. You just have to go on with life.

4. That your marriage would be difficult (alcoholism, addiction, desertion, cancer, the death of a child, Alzheimer's or the hundred thousand other issues that can come up in a marriage,) but God still wanted you to marry and carry on anyways.

Love has to step in somewhere. I've seen older single people looking for someone who's still healthy and active they can marry. They want whatever benefits come with it, but draw a line on having to take care of someone.

What do you think you would do? And for the people who HAVE endured these things in their marriages, whether past or present -- would you have still married if you knew in advance these things would happen?

Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't change anything. I would go through with the marriage that would fail twenty years later... Why? .. I have five wonderful kids and my life is better for that!

How would you react if God told you:

I would marry in all of these situations (except 1) if I got a clear indication from God. However, generally speaking, I believe God wants us to marry Godly-people and so some of the below situations would not come to light. Like, I would not marry a cheater or an alcoholic.

1. That you were to never marry (like Jeremiah.)

I'd have mixed feelings about this. I'd be sad but I'd move on with life. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise? However, I'd be happy God gave me a clear indication so I wouldn't waste my time with dating, searching, etc.

2. That you were to marry someone, and they would cheat on you -- even having children by a different person -- but God wanted you to stay with them anyway.

If I got a clear indication that God wanted me to marry such a person, I would marry him. However, obviously building up love and trust would be a challenge. If I go into such a marriage knowing what I'm facing beforehand, I'd have some control over my emotions and expectations.

3. That you were marry, but God would eventually call your spouse home first, and you would be left behind on your own for many years.

I would marry. I'd be sad but this is part of life.

4. That your marriage would be difficult (alcoholism, addiction, desertion, cancer, the death of a child, Alzheimer's or the hundred thousand other issues that can come up in a marriage,) but God still wanted you to marry and carry on anyways.

Well, if God wanted me to, I'd have no choice. All these scenarios cause difficulty in marriage, but I don't find them all equal. Some of these hardships can be faced together and there is bonding in the process.

I know senior women who are singles and this is true; they are looking for a partner to travel around the world, etc. It is hard to tell with men (that they don't want to care for their spouse), since they generally aim for younger women anyway.

I have a church friend and he took care of his wife when she got sick until her last time. His care and concern for her, his loyalty to her and undying love....this was God working in him I really believe that. He is someone that has an unwavering faith in Almighty and lives it on a daily.

I heard a cute joke awhile back about God offering to give a certain man anything he asked for.

The man and his wife were both 70 and had married in their youth.

But the man was dissatisfied with his wife being older and told God, "Lord, I want to be married to a woman 20 years younger!"

"All right," said the Lord, "Your request has been granted."

And then suddenly... POOF!!!

The Lord had caused the man's age to go up to 90 years old. He got his wish -- he was now married to a woman who was 20 years younger. 😁

Not that it can't happen in reverse of course, but back in the day, it was usually men in their 50's and 60's hanging out in the chats for 20's and 30's trying to talk to the ladies.

I did see one woman who was around 50 who was always in the 30's room say she wished she could kick out all the other women so she could have a chance at the younger guys. 🤪

Ah, the crazy world of supposed Christian dating. 😬

Secular chatrooms have not changed one bit then 🤐😫
What a goldmine to come across CC!
Annndddd 'they' say God has a sense of humour.🤣

God does not call anyone to any situation that is beyond our ability to cope. Some people should marry because it's the best thing for them spiritually and naturally. We are, like it or not, sexual beings and marriage is God's way of dealing with that issue.

I was married for 9 years, divorced about 25 years ago. I'm 71 and I never expected to marry again. I'm engaged. We will marry in early September, God willing.

My fiancee was married to a wonderful man, a good friend and my mentor for many years. He became quite ill in the last few years of his life. His then wife was a tower of strength, patience and love. She had little time for herself as his needs were great. 11 years ago, he passed away, freed from all the suffering that he endured.

I started my Christian walk with a pretty negative concept of God. I saw Him as a cosmic spoilsport. If I wanted something, I assumed that God would object. If I did not want something, I assumed that it was likely to be God's will. I could not have been more wrong. If we should marry, God will put the desire into our heart. If we should not marry, God will dampen the desire. God is not going to force us into something that is against our will.

Having said that, we do need to be willing for whatever God's will is for us. Jesus' yoke is easy and His burden is light. So whatever He calls us to do, we can place the burden on Him and He will carry it for us. We get in trouble when we try to do it all ourselves. For example, early in my Christian life, someone I respected said that I should become a Baptist minister. I'd just finished telling God that I would do anything that He wanted. How noble. Anything, I discovered, but become a Baptist minister! I went through the application process and started night school to get pre-qualified for the degree. By the grace of God, I never did go to the college. It was not God's will. He was testing my willingness.

My fiancee knows what its like to go from having a husband full of vigor and strength to an invalid. God's grace proved to be sufficient.

1 Corinthians 10: 1-12
I do not want you to be unaware, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud, and that they all passed through the sea. They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. 3They all ate the same spiritual food and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them, for they were struck down in the wilderness.

These things took place as examples to keep us from craving evil things as they did. Do not be idolaters, as some of them were. As it is written: “The people sat down to eat and to drink, and got up to indulge in revelry.” We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. We should not test Christ, as some of them did, and were killed by snakes. And do not complain, as some of them did, and were killed by the destroying angel.

Now these things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. So the one who thinks he is standing firm should be careful not to fall. No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide an escape, so that you can stand up under it.

haha I try and reason with people but they dont wanna listen so I just give them crazy advice insteads

The they go HUH? Shake their heads and continue on their merry way to doom

I think one post made me laugh its 'I wouldnt marry an alcoholic' well HOW DO YOU KNOW that someone who doesnt drink might one day, after you marry take a drink, and end up being addicted. How do you know that?

People seem so absolutely 100% sure that the person they marry will stay EXACTLY the same as they are the day they married them lol

Personally I think all people will get tested, the difference is in marriage it will test the faith in the marriage (which may or may not be christian) rather than your faith in God.

Plus who is immune to temptation, I dont think anybody is. And of course Satan loves testing CHRISTIANS more than other people .

Notice that when Job has his big trial, it didnt seem to affect his wife as much. She didnt seem too cut up about it. She was more than ready to curse God and die (and throw Job under the bus! )

Also what about Lots wife.
She probably dithered about leaving S and G too. Lot didnt want to run he made all sorts of excuses, but none were like, my wife just doesnt want me to go.
I think he was running for the hills but Lots wife dragged her feet and looked back. It was likely her hometown after all.

1.) Hosea, Jeremiah and Ezekiel were all prophets, and God chose bad wives etc for them to illustrate how the church treats their covenant with God, traditionally.

Israel, God's people, continued going after false idols and worldly things, forsaking the covenant with God, but God remained faithful throughout.

Bad marriages listed in the Bible were illustrations of that. Please remember Israel is always referred to as the bride.

So no, bad marriages are a result of chasing after the wrong things or being blind to the truth of a person - not God.

I do believe good marriages are more than just possible since I am in one, but your correct that people are not intelligent about the people they are choosing to be their spouse

For myself, I wanted a good man, a good husband who loved and accepted me and I didn't care about looks - so much so that people were actually shocked by who I ended up marrying.

My husband likewise wanted similarly in a wife, someone who would love him and care for him and be the kind of wife he needed.

When you focus on what really matters to life, the stuff on top of all that is just icing on the cake. While in the eyes of the world my husband might not be the most handsome - he is absolutely the most beautiful man in my eyes in every way because he has depth of character, that makes everything I can see so beautiful and handsome, and I can't ask for more.

So good marriages are possible, but it's a matter of looking for the right things

why are people always focussed on looks?
dont they even wanna try and see whats under the surface.

Kinda weird but whatever.

I guess they didnt read to the end of Proverbs 31:30 then

Some people dont make it to the end of books, they start them, but never finish.

Believers in the church at Corinth asked Paul about sex and marriage for NT believers. His advice made it clear that Marriage is a choice for the NT believer. We should not use OT prophets to trump what Paul answered because we don't like it.

Paul made it clear that God does not tell Christians they should marry someone. It is not a command and they should be aware of the sacrifices involved in making that choice.

If you don't want to take on those responsibilities you are free to not do so and remain celibate. If you have the gift there are advantages to making that choice. He never once hints that a believer will be displeasing God or disobeying God by not marrying.

So I reject any statement by someone who said that God told them to do it.

It is also wrong for people to say that they married the wrong one and that God had someone else for them. God does not have someone for you or not for you. You make that choice or don't.

I know it is hard for people to think that way. Its poetic to say that God brought you to me. But it's just not what Paul said when they asked him.

I like Pauls answers. If we take responsibility for our choices we are more likely to do what is required to make better choices.

yea some people dont quite understand free will

maybe they have been under some calvinist doctrine or something, or just still secretly read their horoscopes

Thank you for taking the time to share this, Gideon.

I am really happy to hear about your and your fiancee and find it so inspiring. Biggest congrats and I hope you will keep us posted! I really believe that other singles need to hear more testimonies like yours -- the trials of people's lives and the things they have endured, but most importantly, that it doesn't mean our chance to find love has necessarily ended.

A few years ago, I met a lovely couple who were around 70 and had been married for 2 years. The wife explained that she had moved to a senior community, put her golf cart up for sale, and got a husband out of the deal instead (as he was the one who came to inquire about it!)

The husband had a prosthetic leg and I don't know anything about what had happened, or whether he had this before or after they married, but they were full of youthful joy and energy and it was such a blessing to see.

We have so many young people who come here and think they're going to be alone for the rest of their lives because they haven't found someone by the age of 25.

Society indeed seems to try to tell us that life and love are only for those in their 20's, but thank goodness there are reminders from others such as you that God does indeed have the final say, no matter how our lives have gone.