The last week or so has been a period of "dark nights of the soul"... please pray for me if you get the chance.
Praying for you Ted, for you to find peace in the storm, encouragement in the day, and comfort in this dark night of the soul. What worked for me when my depression was very deep, was reading 5 Psalms a day a day, for 2 years. At first I didn't even want to do that, I was angry at God for not healing my severe Rheumatoid Arthritis, and the empty loneliness of my life. God told me to do it, it took a while of rebellion before I started reading, but what an experience!
I met God's people, throughout history in the Psalms! I met them in joyful times, praising God; I met them in times of fear, of grief and sadness, and even when they were angry, I heard King David rail at God because of his enemies and other problems. But I also watched him rant and rave, then turn to rejoicing by the time he reached the end of the song/Psalm. God had me memorize various verses, and this is one that touched my heart & soul! It's from HCSB, Holman's translation, and it used the word "depressed" for "cast down" which is a shepherding term, that most of us don't know! Please read & meditate on this! God will meet you, when you consistently & persistently seek him, even in the darkness! I spent 2 full years with my back turned from God, but I realized he had never turned from me!
"1 As a deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for You, God.
2 I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I come and appear before God?
3 My tears have been my food day and night,
while all day long people say to me,
“Where is your God?”
4 I remember this as I pour out my heart:
how I walked with many,
leading the festive procession to the house of God,
with joyful and thankful shouts.
5 Why am I so depressed?
Why this turmoil within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him,
my Savior and my God.
6 I[a] am deeply depressed;
therefore I remember You from the land of Jordan
and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
7 Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls;
all Your breakers and Your billows have swept over me.
8 The Lord will send His faithful love by day;
His song will be with me in the night—
a prayer to the God of my life.
9 I will say to God, my rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why must I go about in sorrow
because of the enemy’s oppression?”
10 My adversaries taunt me,
as if crushing my bones,
while all day long they say to me,
“Where is your God?”
11 Why am I so depressed?
Why this turmoil within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him,
my Savior and my God." Psalm 42
When I got through these hard years, God called me to seminary, where we studied the Bible, and learned skills to minister to God's people, even as we ministered to one another! God can and will do amazing things with you. Just dig into the Psalms, and let them penetrate your heart, mind & soul! God bless!