I’m discouraged

Welcome to CC, op! What other qualities are you looking for in a spouse? What if she has all of those qualities except being virgin? Depending on age, she may have a past, but praise God for redemption!

Curious, why do you think this?

I do think marriage is more work nowadays in a sense for women, because women have to earn a wage plus take care of most of the household duties. Nowadays there is not as much "free" childcare from family and friends since so many people live apart and a lot of elderly/older people care more about their own lives and having fun. There is less "free" support now to raise kids. It is ever more necessary than before as women are working.

Dating in 40s is different from dating in the 20s, just like friendships in 40s are different from 20s. Younger people are more carefree and spontaneous, whereas older people are more set in their ways and less likely to compromise. It works out in the end because we change too. I see what you mean about missing out on someone's life, but look at it this way - you can still spend all of eternity with that person so better late than never.

Not sure just times have changed, back in the olden days I heard that women would try to marry as soon as they graduated high school as they were not seen as fit to do anythings else except be wives and mothers but now theres so much more opportunity and women can do anything, and learn more and use their talents for things other than childcaring and husband tending.

Not saying those things arent important but theres lots of things women can do now that maybe they were barred from before. The other thing and maybe im cyncial but I just know so many women who married and it didnt turn out well for them, they got abused or cheated on and many of these were women who married in church even, so its not as if they were not christians or their husbands werent familiar with church.

Married women tend to not have lives of their own and thats actually something they regret if they get married too young because EVERYTHING has to be done with their husband and he gets the final say and many cant imagine having their own identity if everything they do has to be done to please their husband.

So thats why Paul says it good to marry a virgin but even BETTER to leave her alone as she gets to live her life freely and do the things the Lord wants her to do, rather than have to do everything her husband wants her to do. And a lot of things husbands want to do are not actually fun things for a woman. If you actually being honest about it. Waiting on a man hand and foot is not always great. Great for the man, not so great for the wife.

check out 1 Corinthians 7:38

I think its actually good thing and you are doing well to be single in your 40s. It does not mean you a failure.

For a lot of women who think this (and this is where its a double standard for women) is the whole thing of oh no if I dont marry before Im 30 Ill be too old! I will never have children blah blah and that means Im. an old maid/ugly/loser failure. WELL NO. According to God its just the opposite.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I never really thought about any qualities for a spouse. The virgin thing always has been my big hang up, I'm not sure why but it's always been that way. I guess if she's not a virgin her qualities wouldn't matter to me anyways. I know I'm weird. Some people tell me I use the virgin excuse, because deep down I don't want to date. They say I use it as an excuse lol. I don't think so, but who knows. People try to get all Sigmund Freud on me lol.

I understand what you're saying. I just think dating is so hard when you're in your 40's. I sometimes think it would be fine just having a few female friends. I don't mean for hook ups or anything like that. For things like talking or hanging out. Things like that. I think the dating thing has passed me by a long time ago. I'm fine with though. Nice talking to you.

There are preferences, and there are dealbreakers. I understand

Back in the day, I wanted to marry a virgin as well! But as I got older, the chances of marrying one got slimmer if I was to marry someone around my age. I was ok with it as long as he loves Jesus and lives following Him and loves me as Christ loves the church.

Hey Melita!
Just wanted to say "Howdy" and that it's good to see your smiling face today.

You are one of the long time members I enjoy reading.

Hi, John! I visit CC from time to time. Life is busy lol

Relax and have some pizza .

I know what you mean. At 45 I really don't think I'm going to find a virgin, but that's ok though. I have no intention of dating a much younger woman. I don't think too many young women would like my views lol. I'm sure I wouldn't understand a 25 year old girl. I wouldn't be able to relate to her. The way I look at it is as long as you have Jesus in your life you don't need anyone else. No one can love you like he does & he's always there for you.

Ummmmm
Just to be a voice of reason and GODLY reality.

God does what He wants to. What you think about it all is usually wrong. I once thought like you do....but God had plans for me that I would meet and marry a woman 17 years younger than me. It was a Joke that God performed on me. God makes jokes but the punchline is always a real blessing.
Just saying....get out of your own head and be who God made you to be.

No matter the relationship status, we are loved by a great Savior, and we have a purpose that brings Him all the glory!

God Bless You Big Time for this answer...

I have several years on you, and I got married last year. Both she and I sensed that God was preparing us in previous years. If you're content being single, that's fine, but don't put limits on what God can do.

I understand what you're saying. I know God has plans for me. Whatever his plans are I'm ok with. He knows best. I never question him.

Im always questioning Him lol

But usually not things like this. See its the glory of God to conceal a matter and the glory of Kings to seek them out.

Imagine trying to plan someones entire life for them. I dont think you could possibly do it. I think people who believe in a kind of Calvinistic God like to believe this that Hes got everything predetermined from before you were even born and all they need to do is be robotically pushed into the right place and never think for themselves.

It's like they say it's God's will and it will be done. If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans. We worry about our plans instead of the plans he has for us. That's we're we mess up. He's the omnipotent one not us.