Don’t like my son

I don’t like my son. He’s a senior in college, his degree is one in music, no job prospects, tattoos, piercings, sees a therapist, colors his hair. He just has no direction and cannot articulate a future for himself. I cringe when he calls or texts because I don’t want to hear his latest problems. I love him, pray for him every day, but don’t want to support him forever.
What is wrong with a father who doesn’t want to hear from his son? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. Asked others to pray. What more can I do?

Financial and moral support

Why is he seeing a therapist? Understanding why may help you understand him more. What are his plans for the future?

Some of the items you mentioned are not necessarily bad, such as a degree in music or seeing a therapist. He may be seeing a therapist because he has no one else to talk to. First order of business is that he graduates from college. A lot of college graduates have problems finding a job; it's not only your son. Not everyone has a professional job lined up, nevertheless he could be working a side gig to help support himself. Some financial support during college is not unusual.

I looked at your profile and understand better. You've only been saved about a year so I can see why you're not sure how to deal with this. The greatest thing though is that you have the best help right there with you - and that's the Lord Jesus!

So pray to God the Father in Jesus' name. Tell God everything that is going on with you and your son. Also let the Holy Spirit guide you in prayer because He may bring up some things you hadn't thought of praying that will turn out to be key to helping you out with your son.

And then wait on the Lord for the answer. He WILL help you! Also be persistent in prayer until the Lord answers because sometimes the answer doesn't come right away. Not that God doesn't know how to help you, but timing is very important to Him and He might also tarry with the answer to help you trust Him.

Also pray for your son's salvation. He sounds like he's going through something which requires therapy - but God can heal that if your son lets Him.

❧

God made teenagers so it is easier for us to let them go be on their own.
Sorta the same situation for me, the first and best thing we can do is pray for them. Asking Lord Lord what do i do? Seems you obligated your self to support him through college , please follow through on your commitment . You say he is a senior then that should be ending soon. You as dad, do not need to enable him not to stand on his own.

I shudder when i see my daughters number , you are not alone.

As others have stated ….prayer.
Any grief you give him about his idiosyncrasies will just drive a wedge between you…. and cause him to act out more of his particular manners.

Prayer….. and biting you tongue….not with God, but with him. It is tough, I know…. but any guff, reproof, correction, or insight will be rebuffed ….you just accept him and love him for who he is…. That means looking on the heart ….not the outward appearances….and hold back any comments about his idiosyncrasies.

He is going through many things also and the college atmosphere is considerably worse than when I went, and he is dealing with that in ways that he may not even realize…. it’s rebellion, it’s acceptance, it’s independence …. it’s growing up and finding himself ….

What you do financially for him is your decision…maybe give him a cutoff date if you want…. but give him ample time to adjust. He will come out of this, and prayer is essential on your part.

I will pray for you and your son and that you can reconnect and appreciate him for who and all he is.i love tattoos and piercings and coloured hair so i don’t see the negatives in that.maybe your son will become a successful musician bringing joy to all who hear him.
I guess when we decide to have children we could think if we will love them unconditionally for who they are as a beautiful spirit and not just for what they do or don’t do.I hope you’d son is appreciated and valued for who he is and liked if not by you then maybe hd has a soul family of friends he can connect with.
relationships can be so complicated and difficult.To not like your son is a tragedy.
Can you focus on his good qualities?
I’m in a schizophrenia forum where most members still live with their parents at 50.I know seen as losers in society eyes but how deep are those eyes then?

maybe there's nothing wrong with you. it's not wrong to not like your son. people think because you have a son you are supposed to like him always. just 5 days ago a guy told me something worse about his 2 kids which i won't say here. i never had kids but had girlfriends who did. if i had a son with characteristics like your son's i wouldn't like him either. i had a rule long a go on Christian Mingles: no tatoos!! point him to pastor pros on subjects of accountability, responsibility, reliability, manners, etiquette, etc. show him 2nd Thessalonians 3:10, Proverbs 3:9,10, 16:3,7 & especially Proverbs 25:28!

Brother,

In life things like this happen. the only way that even I can express it? Accept him, and love him for who he is. God does right?

AAAAAAHHHHHH I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

You don't have to like him. You do have to love him. Ask God for wisdom. At least he talks to you. I did not see or hear from my son for 15 years. He was cold as ice for a while after we reconnected. (That was a miracle in itself.) He was working casual cleaning pickle barrels.

A number of us prayed for him. He applied for a job with Apple in admin and got it- thousands of people applied. He was headhunted by Square and now works for them. I still can't talk to him about the things of God and its been 11 years or so now. He's in his 30's.

My son dresses like a tramp and has a Ned Kelly beard. God is able to work around these issues. At first, the only time my son called me was when he was in trouble. That was not that often, but we were able to save his overseas trip from being ruined when his salary did not come through on time. Now he contacts us every now and again, especially on birthdays, Christmas or just to find out how I'm going.

Your situation is not identical, of course. However, our God is the same and He can do miracles still. I had to cast the care of my two children on God soon after my marriage broke up. My ex did a disappearing act. There was nothing that I could do. God is still in the miracle business. Cast the care of your situation on God and see what He can do.

Matthew 11:28-30

This kind of thing doesn't happen overnight. Where did this begin with him? Do you have an issue with him seeing a therapist? How does your wife feel about the situation?

After re reading the OP, he seems to not like what his son is choosing to do. It is like an adult bunny hitting the baby bunny saying, “be like me”.
if that is a fact the issue is not the son, it is the dad.

In doing this it turns out bad the child, and parent do not talk for a very long time if ever.

matbe God wants the son to be in music, it is unfair to put high expectations on your child, then pull your love away with hatred to them because they don’t bow down to your wants.

what about the child’s wants.


no job prospects lol brother trust me, music is a good business. Just cuz u don’t value it, don’t mean your son can’t.

and if I am right, the issue is not with your son, it is your own heart.

And plus so what if he had tattoos and colored hair lol dude music is a form of expression every musician does it same as every other job you fit and to what you love.

I love writing, I have two type writers but am I wrong and should my own dad hate me due to my chosen profession? Lol of course not. I am doing what I feel God is calling me to do.

expression is everything where your son chooses to change his appearance to fit his music the same is liken I use my heart to guide my writing.

this reminds me now of the movie I Can Only Imagine.

im sure u can see why

If I am wrong I retract, but if you are paying his tuition and all I’m sure you get annoyed in thinking he is wasting your money.

lol money is just paper. But what you are wasting is precious time where you two can make memories.

matbe you need council before you destroy y’all’s relationship further.