Don’t like my son

[seekingthemindofChrist]

I don’t like my son. He’s a senior in college, his degree is one in music, no job prospects, tattoos, piercings, sees a therapist, colors his hair. He just has no direction and cannot articulate a future for himself. I cringe when he calls or texts because I don’t want to hear his latest problems. I love him, pray for him every day, but don’t want to support him forever.
What is wrong with a father who doesn’t want to hear from his son? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. Asked others to pray. What more can I do?

Here is something that you might want to consider.

Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean a lot of times, things like tattoos, piercings, and hair colorings are a sign that someone is rebelling against society. Although that may sound bad at first, it could actually be a good thing; especially if one considers how messed up society actually is.

You might want to dig a little and see if your son is rejecting certain aspects of society because you might actually find some common ground there. In other words, he might be rebelling against things that are actually bad, but his method of doing so isn't right either. Perhaps if you can find some common ground with him, then you might be able to help steer him in a better direction.

I had a similar situation in the past, but the roles were reversed. In my case, my father and I were at extreme odds, but we found some common ground in that we both didn't like certain things, and I was able, by the grace of God, to help steer him in the direction of eternal life. He is no longer alive, but I do believe that he made it into heaven through saving faith in Christ. It was quite a battle along the way, but it seemingly paid off in the end.

 

[DancingLamb]

I have 4 grown children and 7 grandchildren. About 14 years ago my eldest daughter got into a bad lifestyle. I raised my children in church. I realized my daughter was not going to listen to me at that time. I kept praying for her. I did not condone her lifestyle. It was a rough 5 years. But I made sure I stayed in contact with her. I loved her and made sure she heard me say it. I had to let her choose what direction she wanted to go. It was tough love, many tears I had during those years praying on my knees.
But the day came she met a very nice guy. She married him. She returned to church. I am so grateful I did not cut off communication with her.
My advice to you, though this is coming from a woman, your son might be looking for approval. All kids want to feel loved by their parents. Some kids turn to rebellion because they cannot express openly how they feel. Sit down with your son. Try not to jump on him verbally. Try to bite your tongue in giving advice. Do your best to express to your son how important he is to you. Point out the good things he has done in the past. Young men need to be taught how to be a man. They need their Dad. You are a valuable person to him. I agree with one post suggestion on here to get counseling yourself. I went through Christian counseling. Your church can be a good place to go. Prayers for you and your son to find a bond that will help build a solid bridge that you both will treasure.

 

[MaryM]

I don’t like my son. He’s a senior in college, his degree is one in music, no job prospects, tattoos, piercings, sees a therapist, colors his hair. He just has no direction and cannot articulate a future for himself. I cringe when he calls or texts because I don’t want to hear his latest problems. I love him, pray for him every day, but don’t want to support him forever.
What is wrong with a father who doesn’t want to hear from his son? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. Asked others to pray. What more can I do?

It is ok. You are but human and you have had enough of your son's nonsense.
Continue praying to Jesus for guidance. The answers will come.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

I don’t like my son. He’s a senior in college, his degree is one in music, no job prospects, tattoos, piercings, sees a therapist, colors his hair. He just has no direction and cannot articulate a future for himself. I cringe when he calls or texts because I don’t want to hear his latest problems. I love him, pray for him every day, but don’t want to support him forever.
What is wrong with a father who doesn’t want to hear from his son? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. Asked others to pray. What more can I do?

Be careful with judging too quickly. I understand the frustration and the stereotype but I believe what you dislike is not your son but the destination you fear he may be heading.

The stereotype of a college kid, music degree, colored hair, tattoos and piercings gives off a problematic vibe especially for older generations but in these alone they could merely be a cry for help.

He sees a therapist which obviously suggests there is unforeseen pain that he could be covering with the rockstar look.

He has no direction which could be related to mental illness as well. For example, depression can drain you of all hope and energy. Where some even find it a challenge to get out of bed.

Be the voice of Godly wisdom and be thankful he still calls you. That is affirmation that he still seeks your opinion. That is such a blessing.

He is an adult so all you can provide is wisdom and prayer. It is on him will he get the help he needs or use the wisdom you give.

And a great perspective is let us not forget the Christian hard rock band Skillet.

Be there when he needs wisdom, pray for him, love him, and for you lean on Jesus and be filled with His Spirit so that in times of frustration you may respond with the peace and joy of the Lord.

 

[Peacefully]

I don’t like my son. He’s a senior in college, his degree is one in music, no job prospects, tattoos, piercings, sees a therapist, colors his hair. He just has no direction and cannot articulate a future for himself. I cringe when he calls or texts because I don’t want to hear his latest problems. I love him, pray for him every day, but don’t want to support him forever.
What is wrong with a father who doesn’t want to hear from his son? I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed. Asked others to pray. What more can I do?

I wish I could be in your shoes right now. Let me explain. Our daughter is estranged from her Dad, brother and myself. I sometimes say I would rather be in someone shoes who at least know that their child is alive. My heart is broken. We are Christians also and my Pastor prayed for us on Sunday, and said this is a mystery. We raised them right and loving. So as much as you are going through this it's the unknown that my family has to deal with. I will pray for you and your son but I wish I can have her called and hear her voice. I wish she was at home not working but I know she is there.

 

[Peacefully]

I have 4 grown children and 7 grandchildren. About 14 years ago my eldest daughter got into a bad lifestyle. I raised my children in church. I realized my daughter was not going to listen to me at that time. I kept praying for her. I did not condone her lifestyle. It was a rough 5 years. But I made sure I stayed in contact with her. I loved her and made sure she heard me say it. I had to let her choose what direction she wanted to go. It was tough love, many tears I had during those years praying on my knees.
But the day came she met a very nice guy. She married him. She returned to church. I am so grateful I did not cut off communication with her.
My advice to you, though this is coming from a woman, your son might be looking for approval. All kids want to feel loved by their parents. Some kids turn to rebellion because they cannot express openly how they feel. Sit down with your son. Try not to jump on him verbally. Try to bite your tongue in giving advice. Do your best to express to your son how important he is to you. Point out the good things he has done in the past. Young men need to be taught how to be a man. They need their Dad. You are a valuable person to him. I agree with one post suggestion on here to get counseling yourself. I went through Christian counseling. Your church can be a good place to go. Prayers for you and your son to find a bond that will help build a solid bridge that you both will treasure.

Good advice praying for my estranged daughter. I had counselling also and a lot of prayers on my face and knees. My story is not at the end yet. I am in the heat of the battle but I will live to tell how she is with her family and the victory.

 

[AmazingGrace]

God has given us our children. They are a blessing from Him.

I do understand not liking your children. There was a time I was devastated and utterly torn to the steams with my two daughters.

Children need our prayers, our grace, forgiveness and love. God teaches us many things in the Bible about parents and children. Like David and his son. Eli and his sons. So many others. God is a relational God, we were built for relationships.

Perhaps there are things in your heart God needs to heal in you. Perhaps the mirror you see is something that you need to address within your life. Parents are suppose to be an ambassador for God. Our children learn what a real father is - before we actually come to know our Heavenly Father.

Make an effort. Go for counseling. Put yourself out there. Won't wait your time. If God was like you, said I don't like this child - yet he wholeheartedly welcomes us into His family and calls us His children even when we mess up.

Would you be happy if your son went to hell for all eternity? Never seeing him again? Think about the ministry God has given you to be a man of God to your son? When my daughters turned to witchcraft, one was a practicing witch and both practicing the LGBTQ lifestyle - sure it broke my heart ❤️ but you know I wasn't the best Mother either. I made mistakes. I could have done things differently. I had to confess my sins to the Lord and I wept bitterly for my children to be delivered. I feared one day my oldest would be dead somewhere due to her drinking, drugs, playing with demonic witchcraft and so forth. God delivered both my daughters out. They both are on fire for Christ and have renounced all sinful lifestyles. Our relationship has been better than ever - once you allow God full control. Yes I too was supporting her financially. She was absolutely dumbfounded and couldn't understand why I would.

Sounds like you need to do the same brother. Don't waste time nickpicking, making excuses, finding reasons or issues. Being a parent isn't easy and it isn't for whimps. God has equipped you to be a Father. Go be one. God blesses us when we dont deserve it. He is a good Father and gives good gifts. Ask the Almighty Heavenly Father who loves us how to be that Father your child needs according to scripture [biblically] not based on man's interpretations, feelings, opinions, experiences and thoughts. God didn't bless you with children to simply cop out and throw it away. He gave you a task to do. Even if you don't see eye to eye - Can you really picture yourself standing infront of Jesus without your children with you? When he asks you why? Why didn't you extend the love of God to them? Why weren't you long suffering? Kind? Patient? Loving? Why? He came from your seed? You ultimately reject him? I think we should take a step back and truly pray that God would soften our hearts as parents and reveal the sinful issues in our lives that are allowing the enemy to corrupt the relationship of our children [because we have these expectations, desires and such with what we want it to be like]. You should desire your children to have an incredible relationship with God, the rest will follow. Anyone who isn't in communion with God [in fellowship with Christ as Savior] they are spiritually lost/astrayed. It's your duty to fight on your knees and make your children a priority to ensure they experience and witness God's love and truth in you.

I pray this will encourage, challenge and help some parents out there today. I had to come to the end of myself and until I faced my own issues I had to address with the Lord - He delivered my daughters completely. I wake up every day so incredibly grateful and never a day that goes by. It was such an miracle from His hands into our lives.

 

[aalligator45]

I'm not going to get into too much, but one thing you can do for sure is Jesus. He's literally right next to you, and your son! Ask him for help! You can't go wrong with talking to jc

 

[justahumanbeing]

You seem like a good father. So, it's ok not to like him. At least you have a son. There are so many out there who don't have one. The world is a harsh place. His environment would definitely play a role in shaping who he becomes. As long as you do your part and still continue to do so as a father, don't worry. It is all a parent can do. You have to find peace with the fact that God takes care from there.

As for providing for him, you could do it till he gets his degree. Once he has a college degree, your son will figure out something. He's young. You were his age also. Eventually, He will figure out what he wants to do. Music is not something hopeless. I'm sure he will find things to do. Or he might have alternatives. He still has time to grow up.

Worrying will not solve anyone's problems. Take care. Peace

 

[SteveSmith]

Jesus please lead me to let go of my anxiety fears and worries.

 

[ThereRoseaLamb]

Jesus please lead me to let go of my anxiety fears and worries.

Has anything changed from your first post?

 

[SteveSmith]

Has anything changed from your first post?

Still waiting on his waiver from the Navy. Thank you for asking .

 

[notmyown]

Jesus please lead me to let go of my anxiety fears and worries.

how can we serve you, brother? surely we'll pray, but is there anything else at all we can do?
do you need an ear?

 

[SteveSmith]

how can we serve you, brother? surely we'll pray, but is there anything else at all we can do?
do you need an ear?

Honestly, I don’t know what I need. I feel like my wife and I life is on hold waiting for this and we cannot move forward ourselves. We are both nearing retirement age and God has blessed us to where we have good jobs for and retirement plans. We want to move to another city, downsize, and live peacefully till God calls us home.
I read all of the comments and they are such good suggestions, but I must be so spiritually weak to continue to stress out.
I know for a fact Jesus died for me and paid my sin debt, so why can’t I accept all His other promises?
I always start to think this is all my fault, was I a bad father, a poor example of a Christian man, is my son paying for my sins. This thinking seems unscriptural on its face, so why am I so weak to think it? All I can do is continually pray about the situation, study His word, and try to be a better man.

 

[notmyown]

Honestly, I don’t know what I need. I feel like my wife and I life is on hold waiting for this and we cannot move forward ourselves. We are both nearing retirement age and God has blessed us to where we have good jobs for and retirement plans. We want to move to another city, downsize, and live peacefully till God calls us home.
I read all of the comments and they are such good suggestions, but I must be so spiritually weak to continue to stress out.
I know for a fact Jesus died for me and paid my sin debt, so why can’t I accept all His other promises?
I always start to think this is all my fault, was I a bad father, a poor example of a Christian man, is my son paying for my sins. This thinking seems unscriptural on its face, so why am I so weak to think it? All I can do is continually pray about the situation, study His word, and try to be a better man.

♥ learning to trust the Lord is hard. i think it's especially hard when it comes to our children.

i say this a lot, but what i do is go to the mirror and deliver a stern lecture to myself.
i tell my image, God loves you, and He knows what He's doing!

i don't know what i'm doing half the time, and i certainly don't always know what God is doing, yet i KNOW He's working all things together for my good, and His glory. and i believe God is always doing more than we realize. our lives aren't lived in a vacuum. they're always touching other lives, influencing other people.

it may be that in addition to lovingly teaching you to trust in Him rather than circumstances or outcomes or other people, He is using what you're undergoing to help someone watching. or it may be He's preparing you to offer comfort to another believer, as He comforts you in this affliction.

don't give up hope. cling to Christ. He will never fail you.

 

[goga]

don’t want to support him forever. . What more can I do?

I know it is an old post, yet.. He is not your property. Let him be. You are not responsible for his choices. He is a free grown man, his own person. Treat him as such.

 

[Lanolin]

hi hope everything is improving, have you decided if you still want to be a dad or are you disowning your son.

A lot of retired people do this, just cut off ties forever and forget they ever had children. I dont know what happens to their children though supposedly they meet up again at their funerals or something.

 

[SteveSmith]

hi hope everything is improving, have you decided if you still want to be a dad or are you disowning your son.

A lot of retired people do this, just cut off ties forever and forget they ever had children. I dont know what happens to their children though supposedly they meet up again at their funerals or something.

Thank you for your concern. Hopefully you see some other posts and give me some nice words on those posts as well.

 

[Lanolin]

Honestly, I don’t know what I need. I feel like my wife and I life is on hold waiting for this and we cannot move forward ourselves. We are both nearing retirement age and God has blessed us to where we have good jobs for and retirement plans. We want to move to another city, downsize, and live peacefully till God calls us home.
I read all of the comments and they are such good suggestions, but I must be so spiritually weak to continue to stress out.
I know for a fact Jesus died for me and paid my sin debt, so why can’t I accept all His other promises?
I always start to think this is all my fault, was I a bad father, a poor example of a Christian man, is my son paying for my sins. This thinking seems unscriptural on its face, so why am I so weak to think it? All I can do is continually pray about the situation, study His word, and try to be a better man.

I might address your last post not sure if you meant this one or ones on other topics you've started.

I do recall verse saying sons pay for sins of the father, but that is Old Testament...and its likely it's not your influence but outside of that, as we live in a sinful world and its easy to be tempted when you are young. If your son is not saved, then that's just what he needs - salvation, rather than what YOU need, because you seem to already have it.

Moving is neither here nor there, if you have unfinished business with your son then you need to sort this out! Have you told your son you are moving, it is courtesy to do this, rather then as some parents do, move house and their offspring only finds out later they sold the house (some are upset at first, only because they were not told and couldn't say goodbye to their childhood home) so at least do that. He might be happy for you, and he probably wants you to be happy, and find his own path in life.

I hope this helps and your relationship becomes more peaceful and not so much worry or stress on your mind. Entrust him to God as you probably already blessed your son and he knows who he can turn to in the tough times, since this is what you do yourself.

 

[SteveSmith]

Re reading my posts and everyone’s replies. The situation hasn’t changed much and he is living at home not working. I want so bad to kick him out but I always end up praying for God to change something. He is scheduled to join the navy soon but has to lose 20 lbs but then tells me it is not what he wants and only doing it for me. I lose so much sleep, don’t eat right, and my health is not going to last. I am trying Dear Lord, I am trying, please lead me in the right path.