For the men

I’m specifically asking the men because men’s and women’s brains are wired different, so I’m looking for thoughts from my own gender. Men - Do you ever feel “isolated” as a Christian? I myself work a secular job and know of no other Christian’s at work. I attend an awesome church, but it doesn’t have a men’s group so to speak. (Rural America, so it’s not a big church that can support a healthy sized men’s group - right now there seems to be a lack of interest in one.) Most of my friends are from the secular side of life (work, neighbors, etc.) so at times it feels like I’m all alone as a Christian man. There are very few men from my generation in my church - most are 20+ years older or 25+ years younger. (It is encouraging to see the number of young men in my church though!) So the question is - do any of you other men feel isolated, and if so, how do you manage it in this decaying world?

Seems if we have a hunger and thirst to grow more in the things of G-d there will be alone time. Curry Blake spoke of that and it has to do with His growing us in dependence on Him.
Another man, born again, Spirit filled and used to seeing His miracles, mentioned they get letters over and over of testimonies of what He is doing, and then they will write, "But I am the only one".
I give thanks you and Jesus are a majority in any situation you are in.
blessings

From my experience, very anecdotal, men have a harder time having friends, and often for married men, or men in long term relationships, their only friend is their wife/gf.

Also, how many churches create segmented demographics of people in the church, can contribute to a mental block in forming relationships. We’ve been trained to think in terms of kids, youth, teens, 20 somethings, 30 somethings, middle aged, seniors, single, married, etc.

That approach leaves us thinking we can’t fellowship outside of our given demographic. It’s unfortunate.

Have you considered trying to bust the demographic bubble and hanging out with married people or older people?

no, do not feel isolated even though Christian behavior around here is practically nonexistent. i have nearly no friends either. too many partiers who are non Christian. i always social around with my wife, God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit. i went to a mens Christian gathering once & was almost totally ignored! how's that for Christian behavior? if i feel lonely i ask Jesus to cast it out & He does immediately!

Brother, what you are experiencing is more common than you realize. You are not alone in our age range. I’m 34. I’m in a similar situation at my workplace and am trying to find a resolution there in another post . So what I’ve found helpful is my Church congregation has small group studies and I’m going into a mens topical study here soon. My thoughts are without a mens church group would you be willing to start a mens small group even independent and ask permission to advertise it in church? Not necessarily become a leader to come up with your own material but a facilitator willing to step forward and say, Church guys I read a book, it comes with a video series that I’m going to facilitate. Check it out , sign up, meet here at such and such a time and be ready to share.

My first one I went to was facilitated by someone else’s church pastor at the endorsement of our pastor using our church building. this has a 10 part video series. Gather once a week 40 minute video and maybe 30 minutes of discussion , a workbook and book to follow along and it’s a good start. Perhaps you could convince your church to endorse it or at least let you distribute a flyer in church for it.

Brother, you just preached my life in one paragraph.

For some unknown (?) reason, I have been the proverbial square peg in the round hole for my entire life. Seriously, I have never fit in, and I have spent the bulk of my life alone, yet not isolated. I mean, I still get out and about, but I honestly have no friends. Worse still, the churches that I have been to are terrible. Don't ask for details, but they are terrible. That's the bad news.

The good news is that I basically had two ways of responding to all of this, and I believe that I chose the right one. I could have just had a giant lifelong pity party, but I didn't. Instead, I embraced the biblical reality that I am not my own, but I am bought with a price, the blood of Jesus, instead. God is the Potter, and I am the clay. I am his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, unto good works which he has before ordained that I should walk therein. With such a realization, I have devoted my time to God's word and prayer, and I have learned that it truly is better to give than to receive, so I try to live my life to serve others. I would be lying if I was to say that some actual fellowship would not be nice, but it is what it is. If nothing else, when God does send people my way, I am equipped, by his grace, and by my time spent seeking him, to help them, and that gives some real purpose to my life.

I don't know if I answered your question or not, but that is pretty much my life...as pitiful as it may sound.

I also wanted to share with you this little helpful book I read. It outlines the importance of a brotherhood (biblical community of men) and how to assemble a Christ centered “rescue” team. Keep in mind, don’t restrict yourself to your Church congregation . There may be great men peers and mentors just around the street corner who may go to a different church but you could still circle the wagons with and begin a brotherhood.

https://read.amazon.com/sample/B092...8892818-3382462&cid=AZSO4H5N6J47E&ref_=litb_m

I think I need to clarify something: this was not a post about loneliness or lack of friendship. What this really was about was having other Christian men in my life that are closer than a casual acquaintance. They say iron sharpens iron; and as this world gets more and more corrupt it’s important we have solid like-minded men in our lives. The problem is that, as a single man in my 40’s, I can’t relate to the married men or the men in their 70’s or early 20’s - Our lives are just…. too different (or at different stages I guess). You want someone, or a close group, who can be there when you need encouragement, advice, prayer requests, etc that you would not share openly. Make sense?

It makes perfect sense, and it is certainly something desirable, but I am definitely the wrong guy to ask on this one.

I would love to have some other "iron" in my life, but it has simply never turned out that way...except on online forums...so here I am.

Right. And where would you even look for that IRL? My age bracket is the smallest in the church (seems to be old or young - almost as if I’m one of the almost non-existent God’s middle children lol). The preaching is very biblical and solid, so I’m not looking to leave, or even part-time be involved in another church. I’ve attended this one since birth, so there’s that. I’m just like - where are the others? How do we find them?

Ok but you have to ask yourself how do those relationships actually become realized? How does God form those bonds between men where a man is willing to speak into the life of another. These relationships don’t just appear out of thin air. If we pray and ask ,God will show us men that we are given the opportunity to see marching in the same direction as us. We Lock arms with them , becoming their Allie’s and out of that we should be able to form a brotherhood that will become iron sharpens iron. This has to be fought for and it’s highly opposed by the enemy. The enemy (Satan) loves keeping men in a state of shallow acquaintances but lacking deep connection. We were meant as men to have those friends like David and Johnathan in the Bible but we have to partner with God to get them. It may bring us out of our comfort zone. Actually ideally you may look to someone who is just 1 or 2steps ahead you in life and ask for mentorship. Their memory is fresh from just getting out of the season you are currently in. They see the other side and can mentor you through it. I still encourage you to read Rescue. It explains a bunch of this.

I honestly do not know where they are or how to find them.

The only serious advice that I could offer you is this:

Ask God if he is isolating you for a reason.

In my case, which I am definitely not suggesting is a pattern for anybody else to follow, it just seems that God has separated me unto himself and for his purposes. I mean, as alone as I am, I truly am not lonely. In fact, I am almost worried, and I am not joking, that I am okay...as weird as that may sound. In other words, when I reflect on my life, I sometimes think that I should be freaking out or something, but I am truly okay somehow.

Whatever you do, redeem your time wisely. If you are faced with a situation where you seem isolated, then spend that time with God. Only good can come out of that. He may have a purpose for you which requires time alone with him. Again, that is the best that I have to offer...and it pretty much has been my own life's story.

Isolated was a poor choice of wording. It’s more of a “I seriously can’t be the only one” than being in isolation. I tried to edit the original post but I don’t see an option to edit 🤷🏻‍♂️. As humans we seek out those who are like us. And in my case, the “like me” is like looking for a knife in a drawer of spoons. I don’t need mentoring or life coaching - just someone who walks the same path that I do.

I feel your pain brother. Well here we are, let's fellowship until the issue is resolved. What keeps you up at night, we know what is coming down the road, time to prepare, prayer, prophecy, study of the Word, Hebrew Bible and New Covenant, and serve. What we know is going away with the huge possibility of horrific events. Satan and his dark spirits a working all over the world. Have you ever try to share your world view with non-believers, it's like I'm not even there. I now know what being a minority feels like. "Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them." Hebrews 13:3 Love, prayers and blessings all.

Yep....
And I know how to fix this.

You're in the country like me....
So in the Rural areas we do what we do every time we don't have something.

We build it ourselves.

Meaning start a men's group outside of the church at a coffee shop, a bread bakery, a whatever corner in a park somewhere.

Invite all kinds of guys. Married, single, any age but no members of the female gender.

And from any church except the usual suspects. (SDA, JW, and etc)
And claim to study a book, section of scripture for men, or whatever.....include a "men's health" component to the group...be it fitness or diet supplement or whatever. Maybe discuss hunting or whatever. But the group is decidedly going to be Christian men. And out of this group you will eventually find a good friend to do all that you wish to. But the side deal is that in all of this you will find yourself accepted by the entire community of men in your area.

Just saying....the shortest distance to your goals is not a straight line.

do you have a hobby? Golf? football? Outdoor sports? anything like that? Hunting ? Fishing? Chess club even?

I knew what you meant, and, like I said, you are preaching my life's story.

I honestly think that your situation somehow pertains to God's calling upon your life. Scripture says that God places us in the body as he wills. If you are seeking like-minded fellowship and it continually evades you, then there might be a reason for that. I am not suggesting that God wants us to be "lone wolves" ("lone sheep" would sound better), but it very well may be that he wants you alone with himself for a particular season of your life so that you can later fulfill your calling. I would seriously inquire about that before the Lord if I were you.

Again, I really do not want to use my own life as an example, but my times of isolation have definitely benefited both me and others because I spent that time wisely in seeking the Lord.

My hobbies seem to include outside yard work & property maintenance on good weather days; laundry and cleaning on bad weather days. Meal prepping too. Occasional business travel. Getting 8 hours of sleep and attending church. Rinse. Repeat. 🫠
I’m really hoping to find some time to go on hikes this fall.

Hey, I know some women who like to tell men to "Take a hike!"...just in case you need some encouragement. lol.

Yeah, a bit isolated but I make due. I have one close friend but he is not in our church and I talk to him once a month or so on the phone or go out to lunch. I do a jail ministry with a guy 20 years older than me that attends church with me - I would say I am closer to him than anyone else at church, but he is getting up there in age (84 yrs old) and is starting to have health problems. Also, I do things and talk with my son-in-law who is like another son. I have another old friend living far away but I do not talk with him much, but he and his wife will visit every year or two which is nice and we were out to see him a few years back. And I am married and still have one daughter at home.