Just Can't Trust Those Hellman's Snobs

This thread is about the weirdest excuses you have ever seen people use for looking down on other people. To kick this thread off, I have made a new joke!

Well... It's an observation, one that is really too true to be a joke. It's something that really does happen here in the South, but nobody ever, ever, ever talks about it.

"You might be a redneck if... You look down on other people for eating different brands of mayonnaise."

"I'm a Duke's man, myself.

Them Hellman's people are all snobs, can't trust 'em. All they care about is appearance.

Now Blue Plate folks, they're the salt-of-the-earth type. Not the brightest people in the world, but you can trust 'em."

Kraft folks just don't pay no attention. Don't care about flavor or nothing else. All they want is something to make the sandwich wet.

Sauer's... That's just white trash right there. If you eat Sauer's you probably have at least two old cars up on cinder blocks in your front yard.

What's that? Miracle wh... Man, we DO NOT talk about that junk in this house! You better get down on your knees and repent, boy, bringing that stuff up. I'll cram a bar of soap in your mouth if I EVER hear that name coming out of it again!"

Now let's see how many people don't bother reading the thread and just fly in and pop off about mayo...

One thing I think I never will understand is people who use language as an excuse. I mean, yeah communication is important, and it doesn't happen unless the people involved agree on what words mean... But some people just use it as a point of pride.



I could LITERALLY care less.


Oh, speaking of literally...



But then the ghost of subjunctive past showed up and told me to stand firm on "if it were."


Even unicode programmers get in on it:



I was so disappointed when they chose to name it the sauropod emoji instead of the brontosaurus emoji. It had so much potential to get at least six different groups of pedants together for one glorious internet argument.

I get Duke's or Hellmans, whichever is a better deal.

No dice, but thanks for playing.

(Yeah, yeah, I know... Knowing Rodley, he certainly did it deliberately. Still funny.)

I’d gladly play, but us folks from the urban state south of Tennessee, you see, ain’t familiar with the term “redneck”. Hafta be some city slicker thing.

Been doing some thinking after my previous post, and I now realize that mayonnaise is the same as “majones” over here.

This fact kinda alters my perspective on the subject.

Growing up where I grew up... I saw people get looked down on for a number of things , women wearing pants, if a guys hair was combed in too worldly a fashon, if men don't like hunting and providing for their family, if the man of the family doesnt want to carry a concealed weapon and protect his family, IF A WOMAN DRIVES HER FAMILY INSTEAD OF THE MAN DRIVING.... if a man chooses not to have a beard and wants to look like a woman...if a woman wants to chop her hair off and look like a man..... need i go on ???


(Not everyone I was around believed these things, but I've definitely heard them over the years in the FBC )

European.

”Hey Doug, european on my truck!”

European.

But but but that was the subject matter??? .. lol

Mayonnaise:
Have you seen Milly's vegetable garden? Mayonnaise some big t'maters init!

I grew up where Hellmans was very popular and it was what we always used. Then I moved to the west coast and no Hellmans anywhere, but there's this brand called Best Foods that has the same logo and packaging as Hellmans and turns out its made by the same company so that's what I use now. Some say it's just Hellmans with a different name but some swear it's not the same. Who knows. One thing I know for sure is I don't like Miracle Whip. Sorry, MW lovers.

Talk about Snobs with an Upper-Class S!!!

Now lookie here, people, a lil' o' bit o' Miracle Whip never hurt no one, ya here?

And I very much prefer that to disgusting old mayonnaise.

Bleh.

P.S. I'm from the North -- I'm using that as my excuse, and I'm sticking with it.

I was in the middle of making a cake before I realized I was out of oil and a friend recommended substitute mayonnaise, and it was the most delectable cake I have ever made. I think it matters here whether one uses mayonnaise or miracle whip in the recipe because Miracle Whip is produced using less oil than traditional mayonnaise for less calories but more corn syrup for sweeter taste.

So, if there was a time that I thought I had a preference for one over the other, I learned that each has its own distinguishment in certain circumstances. However, advertisers like to exploit the snobby nature of consumers. This is why Gucci's sales rose after emergency funds were allotted for Hurricane Katrina, and thus soaking taxpayers as well as those who felt they should help those that were soaked in the storm and donated toward the cause.