Transgender pain

That is an honest answer. It was my impression that that is what you were hoping for all along.
Yes, others are praying for you. I have prayed for you.
You will get acceptance here but not the affirmation and agreement you had hoped for.
For example, my wife and I know a couple of gay men. They are nice fellows. We love them as friends. We care about their choices and more importantly about what may happen when they pass from this life if they continue along the path they are on.
We care about them, we respect them but if either asked us if we agree with their lifestyle we would have to draw the line.

For you Greyfray you may have to go the full 9 yards in your quest to break free of your chains. You may have to experience complete SRS to truly find peace. And after all is said and done you may have changed your body so that when looking in the mirror or taking a shower you are finally comfortable seeing yourself. Or you may find yourself wanting to de-transition as shown in those videos.
Right now you may be saying, "No way man. Once I transition there is no way I'll ever go back " That is your thinking at the present time but you just never know.
Regardless of what path you take God still loves you and wants the best for you as hard as that may seem.
To realize that some have to reach rock bottom.

What kind of rock bottom lol I have tried to kill myself 5 times and those are the times I count. All over my pain of being reminded I am not wholy masculine without my body/misgendering being excruciating. My last 6 years have been torture with it. How many rock bottoms are there. I'm waiting to hear back from a grant for chest surgery that I applied for, hundreds apply. So I don't put any weight in it, no dreaming

Rock bottom for you may be going the whole 9 yards ( living the dream) and then realizing it only brought temporary relief because you did not find the peace you longed for and then deciding to de-transition. Time will tell.
For now, you are not at peace at all. That needs to be resolved.

I'm waiting to hear back from a grant for chest surgery that I applied for, hundreds apply. So I don't put any weight in it, no dreaming

Considering statistics have good outlooks for me if I transition I feel the mercy of God.

You just said a key word Greyfray. Call it a slip up, call it unintentional but you said it. Do you know which word in your last post I'm referring to?

"If I transition"? I'm on T I'm already transitioned. I know I don't feel whole without the surgeries. My entire masculinity isn't going to come crashing down because I've got 11 years of true inner happiness despite the pain whenever male affirming things happen to me.

Correct. You used the word "if". That is a conditional expression. I don't believe that was an accident. It tells me you are not truly convinced. There is still ambivalence. It suggests there is doubt in your mind and you are of two minds.

Just make sure you are not trying to convince yourself because that is what it sounds like.

Why is it important to you Greyfray that Christians support you as being male?

People who are on T or consider themselves male, in my case, are transitioned. Like I said there's a hole in my heart over not being able to take things further with surgery so far. "If" I went through with them, it would be easier to not hate God.

Okay. That makes more sense. So why is affirmation from Christians important to you?

I truly don't understand this question. If my pain comes from reduced masculinity and in my life I try hard to put God first, reading my Bible and trusting in him even though I don't want to talk to him sometimes, support from christians is the best because they will pray

The praying for you part I get. But you were seeking more than that here. You said it twice.
Your opening post said that anyone who does not agree that a transgendered male is a male need not comment.

Secondly, I asked you a few posts back why you sought out this site and you said you were hoping more Christians would agree with you being a male.

So I ask, why is it important that Christians agree with your assertion that you are male? Why does it matter whether they agree or not?

Now I understand.

So if someone here was lgbt supportive and saw me as male, I could live my life, it's a freeing feeling. Not that I don't live my life. There's a burden that comes off of me. Living my life is a huge understatement that I can't describe. So much justice. To be known. Then let's say I'm at church, I can focus on God easier.

What I hear is that acceptance is very important to you. Perhaps even more to you than to others. You don't want to be judged. And rightly so. It is important to worship without feeling you are being watched or given the once over.
If you are asking for acceptance that is fine. If you are asking for believers to accept the gender you have chosen to present yourself as, that may be difficult for some. For others not.
If you are asking believers to agree with you that you are a biological male you are being unrealistic. You simply are not. No matter what you do to your outside appearance.
You can choose to present yourself as a male. You may even pass as a male. You do not have a prostate. You have xx chromosomes. You have all that is required to get pregnant.
If you want to call yourself a transgendered male that is being more honest with yourself in my opinion.

You may desire to be a male. You may even pass as a male. You may even succeed in changing your birth certificate but will you not be a male.
You will be a transgendered male. That will be your reality Greyfray.

My reality from your eyes; the reality of my eyes is that I'm male.

Do men have a uterus? Fallopian tubes? A cervix? Do men have periods?

There is so much more to being a male than biology.

You are avoiding the question. Why?