pray for me

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rickyw

New member
#1
Apr 29, 2019
5
0
1
#1
i've fallen away. though i know i'm wrong and it's somehow my fault, i've lost my faith. God doesn't answer me. the last time i feel that he did is when i got baptised at age 9. the pastor told me i could ask God for anything and he'd listen. and i asked for strength. whcih i got in droves. my mom married an abusive man who abused the kids and it got to extremes. i murdered my step father at age 17. it was him or us. because of his abuse i worked harder on myself. i got into drama and then debate club to learn to speak. that followed into martial arts training. i got so tough that the fears i had as a child were gone. i've lived a life of protecting those weaker and took my lumps.

i paid prices. my body is broken, strength failing. i'm recently diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. the surgeon wants to take half my kidney and my entire gallbladder to get it all removed. the prognosis is questionable.

though i feel i've lived a moral life and fought for those high ideals, i'm not loved. family, friends, anyone who could love me doesn't. i'm at threat of dying alone and going to hell. pray for me, help me find God in places i haven't looked. i'm lost, and broken.
 
timemeddler

timemeddler

Active member
#2
Jul 13, 2023
449
201
43
#2
Malachi 3:7



7 Ever since the time of your ancestors you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,” says the LORD Almighty. “But you ask, ‘How are we to return?’

this sums it up, it's not too late.
 
Bingo

Bingo

Well-known member
#3
Feb 9, 2019
9,219
4,755
113
#3
"I pray it becomes fully understood, within a spiritual heart shall be found the
wellbeing that is being sought."
'Amen'

man-praying - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy - Copy.jpg
 
Dude777

Dude777

New member
#5
Feb 8, 2024
10
0
1
#5
If you wanna go to heaven you need to forgive your step Father, and everyone else who hurted you, wanna know why? Read this Bible verse:


Matthew 6:14-15
New Living Translation

14 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.



You don’t need to follow the jewish laws to get saved, you just need to be more like Jesus Christ, love people and forgive them, showing that you believe in Jesus Christ and obey him.
 
Dude777

Dude777

New member
#6
Feb 8, 2024
10
0
1
#6
I recommend you to watch the movies Unbroken, 2014 and Unbroken Path to Redemption, 2018.

This movie teach about forgiveness after this Italian American Olympic athlete Louis Zamperini ended up being abused by a Japanese psychopath in a Japanese prisoner of war camp in WW2.

He was planning to… watch the movie, I’m not gonna spoil the rest, unless you don’t wanna watch it.
 
Pardizzle

Pardizzle

Active member
#8
Feb 1, 2024
186
86
28
Texas
#8
Hey Ricky, I love you and care about you.....thats what God has called us to do, Love one another. I will keep you in my prayers sir! But in the meantime, I am there for you if you need/want. Thanks for your post, Matt.
 
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NotnowCato

New member
#9
Feb 11, 2024
19
4
3
#9
rickyw said:
i've fallen away. though i know i'm wrong and it's somehow my fault, i've lost my faith. God doesn't answer me. the last time i feel that he did is when i got baptised at age 9. the pastor told me i could ask God for anything and he'd listen. and i asked for strength. whcih i got in droves. my mom married an abusive man who abused the kids and it got to extremes. i murdered my step father at age 17. it was him or us. because of his abuse i worked harder on myself. i got into drama and then debate club to learn to speak. that followed into martial arts training. i got so tough that the fears i had as a child were gone. i've lived a life of protecting those weaker and took my lumps.

i paid prices. my body is broken, strength failing. i'm recently diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. the surgeon wants to take half my kidney and my entire gallbladder to get it all removed. the prognosis is questionable.

though i feel i've lived a moral life and fought for those high ideals, i'm not loved. family, friends, anyone who could love me doesn't. i'm at threat of dying alone and going to hell. pray for me, help me find God in places i haven't looked. i'm lost, and broken.
Click to expand...
How
rickyw said:
i've fallen away. though i know i'm wrong and it's somehow my fault, i've lost my faith. God doesn't answer me. the last time i feel that he did is when i got baptised at age 9. the pastor told me i could ask God for anything and he'd listen. and i asked for strength. whcih i got in droves. my mom married an abusive man who abused the kids and it got to extremes. i murdered my step father at age 17. it was him or us. because of his abuse i worked harder on myself. i got into drama and then debate club to learn to speak. that followed into martial arts training. i got so tough that the fears i had as a child were gone. i've lived a life of protecting those weaker and took my lumps.

i paid prices. my body is broken, strength failing. i'm recently diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. the surgeon wants to take half my kidney and my entire gallbladder to get it all removed. the prognosis is questionable.

though i feel i've lived a moral life and fought for those high ideals, i'm not loved. family, friends, anyone who could love me doesn't. i'm at threat of dying alone and going to hell. pray for me, help me find God in places i haven't looked. i'm lost, and broken.
Click to expand...
How are you today?
 
R

rickyw

New member
#10
Apr 29, 2019
5
0
1
#10
thank you everyone.

recent update i had my upper lower gi this week and besides the fear of unknown and some drama professionals being unprofessional it went great with no real discomfort.

i've got an appointment with my urologist this week, which is 1/2 of a removal surgery march 11th

i don't carry anger for anyone ever. i learned young how wasted those emotions are. most don't know and the rest don't care that you're upset. i'm forever weary of interactions with my mother but that's warranted for her narcicistic behaviors still ongoing

i'm stressed but coping well. and i found a church home. the pastor is coming post operative to the hospital to hang out and pray, and he put the request out for a parishioner volunteer to take me to church for sunday service

thanks again, i feel a good community here. this is very helpful.
 
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NotnowCato

New member
#11
Feb 11, 2024
19
4
3
#11
rickyw said:
thank you everyone.

recent update i had my upper lower gi this week and besides the fear of unknown and some drama professionals being unprofessional it went great with no real discomfort.

i've got an appointment with my urologist this week, which is 1/2 of a removal surgery march 11th

i don't carry anger for anyone ever. i learned young how wasted those emotions are. most don't know and the rest don't care that you're upset. i'm forever weary of interactions with my mother but that's warranted for her narcicistic behaviors still ongoing

i'm stressed but coping well. and i found a church home. the pastor is coming post operative to the hospital to hang out and pray, and he put the request out for a parishioner volunteer to take me to church for sunday service

thanks again, i feel a good community here. this is very helpful.
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Hello. Glad you're feeling a bit better with belonging to a community. I also am new on here and am struggling with isolation due to losing my entire family. God tells us to love one another and lift each other up when we're going through trials. I'll continue to pray for you...❤👍
 
Blade

Blade

Well-known member
#14
Nov 19, 2019
1,779
624
113
#14
rickyw said:
i've fallen away. though i know i'm wrong and it's somehow my fault, i've lost my faith. God doesn't answer me. the last time i feel that he did is when i got baptised at age 9. the pastor told me i could ask God for anything and he'd listen. and i asked for strength. whcih i got in droves. my mom married an abusive man who abused the kids and it got to extremes. i murdered my step father at age 17. it was him or us. because of his abuse i worked harder on myself. i got into drama and then debate club to learn to speak. that followed into martial arts training. i got so tough that the fears i had as a child were gone. i've lived a life of protecting those weaker and took my lumps.

i paid prices. my body is broken, strength failing. i'm recently diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma. the surgeon wants to take half my kidney and my entire gallbladder to get it all removed. the prognosis is questionable.

though i feel i've lived a moral life and fought for those high ideals, i'm not loved. family, friends, anyone who could love me doesn't. i'm at threat of dying alone and going to hell. pray for me, help me find God in places i haven't looked. i'm lost, and broken.
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Aw.. you've never been alone. He is not like man. He loves you with you forever. Sorry your just going to have to believe He never gave up on you and never left you. He is the vine you are the branches. We just repent .. we get up dust off keep going. We have to believe Him. He said if you confess your sins He is faithful and just to forgive your sins and cleans you from all unrighteousness. Yes in this world some sins are greater but to God sin is sin and He hates it. So He died for the sin of the world. Give everything to Him..
 
R

rickyw

New member
#15
Apr 29, 2019
5
0
1
#15
i'm in surgery march 11th and there will be no pain meds for me. my primary neglects scripts and now i'm without a stool softener and the nausea and vomiting have worsened all my other symptoms. i appreciate all the well wishes and words of support but in reality i'm alone and exhausted and the most i'd ever want is let go and let god. it just doesn't happen. i'm so out of energy i'm actively neglecting providers attempts to make the situation right. because their help now would relieve them of accountability and be only symbolic. the pain is substantial and even my coping skills have failed. sheer willpower will get me into surgery. what happens with god and me after that, who knows. but i'll try again when it's not life or death. for now, he's all crickets.

the new church leader passed me to his pastor who's been mostly silent with the random praying for me message. he doesn't stick around long enough to know how i'm doing or if that helps.

best regards
 
R

rickyw

New member
#16
Apr 29, 2019
5
0
1
#16
oh lol i posted a hello messgage forgetting i've already posted here.
 
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