What is the Difference Between "Standards" and "Shallowness"?

I knew a similar couple. Ironically they met in church, and he was in the worship band. They got together, ended up having sex. She got pregnant. She wasn't interested in him enough to want to marry him, but he was crazy about her. He kept asking and asking to marry her, she kept refusing. She had actually planned on moving out of state, but she got some advice saying they should marry and she'll learn to love him. Finally she caved in and they got married.
She never learned to love him, and actually began to regret marrying him. He recognized this and began to grow bitter towards her. He eventually became verbally abusive, mostly to her, but also to their kids as well. Eventually she kicked him out, he became an alcoholic who continued to mistreat her every chance he got. Even 10+ years later.

But this makes me think of my dads first marriage. He married a woman, things obviously were going well with them. But he said they got in the car, after the wedding, literally right after, still in their wedding clothes. As he drove off she did a 180 and became a horrible person. And stayed that way the entire time of their marriage, till he divorced her. So even with compatible people you have to be careful.

These kinds of stories always worried me. I remember when I was a kid some well meaning person would start to say something to me along the lines of "Someday when you get married..." And I'd stop them and say, "No!" lol It seemed so terrifying to me to live in such a miserable situation. I certainly wasn't one of those girls who grew up pretending to be a princess and hoping to find a prince someday lol. No, I preferred being outside with bugs, spiders, critters. No princes!

After my parents divorced, I lived with my grandparents through my teenage years. Their marriage, though not perfect, was a much better example.

Of course, I came to believe marriage is a sacred union created by God. I also believe we are in a fallen world and nothing is perfect. Marriage takes an incredible amount of trust. I have never been married. I haven't even been engaged. And when in a relationship, I seek the Lord's will. Like you said, even compatible people have to be careful. We all have to be careful.

These kinds of stories always worried me. I remember when I was a kid some well meaning person would start to say something to me along the lines of "Someday when you get married..." And I'd stop them and say, "No!" lol It seemed so terrifying to me to live in such a miserable situation. I certainly wasn't one of those girls who grew up pretending to be a princess and hoping to find a prince someday lol. No, I preferred being outside with bugs, spiders, critters. No princes!

After my parents divorced, I lived with my grandparents through my teenage years. Their marriage, though not perfect, was a much better example.

Of course, I came to believe marriage is a sacred union created by God. I also believe we are in a fallen world and nothing is perfect. Marriage takes an incredible amount of trust. I have never been married. I haven't even been engaged. And when in a relationship, I seek the Lord's will. Like you said, even compatible people have to be careful. We all have to be careful.

Marriage is also very unnecessary. It always has been for any given individual, and more and more it is becoming unnecessary for large groups. We already got enough people. We don't need no more.

I sometimes think it would be nice to have, but there are a lot of nice things I would like to have that I am getting by just fine without. Maybe someday I will have one of those nice things. Maybe someday I'll even have a wife. But it's not a necessity, just something that would be nice to have someday.

I like your approach towards marriage and your approach in life in general because you take things as they come and try to live in the now.
I also used to think that i will never be married and i was pretty sure about that fact.
Well, here i am now, married with two kids and i learned to never say never and take things as they come.

I even think of a though experiment and going back in time when i was a teenager. My first reaction now would not be joy but panic.
Where is my wife and kids?

I've always known i wanted to be married. Never have been. Then again I'm no prince. Hehe.
I was fortunate in that my parents got along wonderfully. I was 21 when my mom died and now, 27 years later, my dad is still just as in love with her as he was when she was alive. His second wife, by the way. So my experience of marriage, growing up, was a good one.

It's no doubt best. In my opinion, princes are kinda creepy.

Although I haven't been married or engaged, it has been discussed in past relationships. I've heard, "When we get married." No discussion about whether I wanted to get married. Not saying I don't, but that gave me an uneasy feeling. I trust the Lord will put a solid feeling of assurance in my heart if it is meant to be.

Thank you for telling me about your parents, it warms my heart and gives me hope!

That's smashing! Snaps to those who realize a prince really isn't ideal!

I'm sorry about your mother. It's sad, from her being fired and through terrible illness and sudden death. Your father stuck by her side. He sounds amazing. Your parents are a great picture of true love!

My dad never remarried after the divorce. I guess he didn't want to go through that again.

It's nice to hear about marriages where two people actually want to be together!

The grandparents that I lived with were married forever too and most of that time they spent drinking beer together lol. They even built and ran a bar. I think they heard that old country song "I'm Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home" and took it a little too seriously. They were rarely home and I felt like I lived alone through my teen years, which was great for me at the time!

Haha. Agreed.

Thanks. She also got sick From that job, as well.
My dad's great. But he's spent too much of his life taking care of people. First my mom all those years, then about 15 years ago I moved in with him and got sick and he spent years taking care of me. Then my sister moved in with us and she got sick, well, sicker. He tried helping her through alcoholism as well. They became really close and kept each other from being lonely.
Then she was suddenly diagnosed with cancer. They told her 6 months to live, at best. She survived two months. While in the hospital for the cancer she also developed covid. Ironically i was already in the hospital with covid. She died while I was still there. So that's two people he spent years taking care of that had died. And I was in the hospital.
And that wasn't even his biological daughter. She was 1 of 3 children from my mother's first marriage. But you'd never know that by how he treated them.
Obviously i survived covid, but a year later, almost to the month of my sisters death, I was diagnosed with cancer. So you can imagine how much that scared him. I survived, had surgery and just the other day was told I was cleared of any more cells.
He's had a few issues recently that makes him unable to help anymore. But he was still driving up till he was 90. Turns 91 in a few months.

Haha. Sounds like your grandparents were rednecks perhaps?
Yeah. As a teen my parents worked crazy hours and I was home alone a lot. Being an introvert I loved it. I could watch whatever I wanted, blast music, not do homework and eat what I wanted. Was great in those respects haha.

They are, in essence, what separates us from other animals

"other" animals...???

We are not animals. God said so.

I'm always up for learning something new. Where in scripture does God say that?

Standards are based on God’s word or the Holy Spirit giving us the feelings of what should be better according to perfection. The person’s inside nature radiates to an outwardly glow. They are, in essence, what separates us from other animals … by putting our sin nature away.
Shallowness, on the other hand, is an animalistic tendency that lends to rudimentary breeding metrics or how that mate will make you “look” to others.

Standards are based on God’s word or the Holy Spirit giving us the feelings of what should be better according to perfection. The person’s inside nature radiates to an outwardly glow. They are, in essence, what separates us from other animals … by putting our sin nature away.
Shallowness, on the other hand, is an animalistic tendency that lends to rudimentary breeding metrics or how that mate will make you “look” to others.

I'm always up for learning something new. Where in scripture does God say that?

I'm always up for learning something new. Where in scripture does God say that?

It is our prerogative to choose our standards for which things are important and how much much importance they are. Someone might consider us to be shallow if they disagree with the standards that we've chosen, but they aren't us and they aren't looking for the same spouse we are. For our own sake we should make sure to evaluate our standards to make sure that we have the right ones and are giving them an appropriate amount of weight. If a woman wants a man who is over 6ft and makes over $100,000, then with just those two things she is looking at less than 5% of men, which is the same group of men that a lot of other woman are looking for, which makes it pretty unlikely for her to find a spouse, especially when other standards are factored in, but if recognizes how much her standards are limiting her available options and she's ok with that, then that's her prerogative.