What are your relationship dealbreakers?

I think when most people say they don't like something it means it's something they don't want to be around or be exposed to. For example I don't like rap music. I couldn't be with someone who's into rap music. But if she can tolerate all that stuff and she's not just going to one day say " Sorry but I just can't take this anymore" then that would work. But I think someone like that would be a pretty rare find.

So I guess everyone born after 1990 is out of the question lol

I have a theory, but as a single guy I have no idea if it would work and no way to test it...

My theory is that a lot of people would be able to test their relationships before getting married if they turned on a Skype video chat everyday when they got home. It wouldn't be exactly like living with somebody else before you had to live with somebody else, but at least it could shake out a few snags.

Of course using the mute button would be cheating...

Not really Hitting the mute button is just like ignoring the person.

When she asks me to meet her probation officer because, and I'm quoting here, "He really just has it in for me and I need you to vouch for me so that I can prove him wrong by having a guy say that I didn't rob him or cheat him or do something horrible to his family and friends"

That's a deal breaker right there.

I understand what you mean. I was in a brief relationship with a guy who liked Katy Perry and music similar to Katy Perry. I just couldn't stand it. We had a lot of other differences, but the big problem was that he didn't want to ever play my music or do things I was interested in. It was always his music and his interests. While I think it's good to have some healthy differences and it's good to have healthy give and take, I also think it's important to find someone that has some things in common with you that are important to you. Nothing wrong with that!

Exactly! If you can't ignore someone without using the mute button, you're not ready for a relationship. =^.^=

Did nobody mention earbuds?

I mean, I know you said there were other differences, but earbuds could have at least solved that one.

Who wants to wear earbuds all the time? I know I don't.

Oh I do. I do.

I can enjoy my music without bugging anybody else. My collection is all Christian, but all kinds of styes, so I can almost guarantee you will hear something that gets on your nerves.

I even found one single earbud, not a pair, with a battery that lasts more than 14 hours. I don't know how many more... when I tested it, it was still playing when I wanted to go to bed. "You win dude. I'm gonna hit the sack."

My best relationship was with someone who liked classic rock. I was perfectly fine with that. His favorite bands weren't necessarily my favorite bands and vice versa, but we were content and had a good, healthy balance of give and take (in all areas)...and neither of us had to keep earbuds in all the time. So, the ideal person can be found without having to wear earbuds all the time! I'm just speaking for me and others who don't want to wear earbuds all the time.
If you like wearing them, that's great. Personally speaking, I don't mind sometimes, but not most of the time during the entire relationship lol

Nah... Earbuds all the time ain't all that bad, if the person wearing them don't mind wearing them all the time.

I "hear" you, CarriePie.

I can't stand anything in my ears, so earbuds definitely wouldn't be the answer for me either. I was on a flight a while back and had the free earbuds the airline passed out to be able to watch movies on the little screens in front of each seat.

But the earbuds bothered me so much -- I couldn't even stand one -- that I opted to watch the movies silently with closed captions instead!

And much more important than the earbuds, of course, was the red flag you brought up about someone who is only interested in allowing their own music and preferences during your time together, with no room to compromise and no interest in the things you're interested in.

I was talking to a young person (20's) about the dating scene, and I mentioned that my own finding is that people don't want you for you. They want you for how much they can mold and shove you into the narrative they have for their own life.

I always tell the story about two separate times on the Christian dating sites in which white single fathers with adopted Asian children were extremely excited to meet me (online,) and you could see the whole narrative playing out in their minds. They had found an adopted Asian woman who could be a stepmother to their Asian children, which they imagined would be a great match for their children's identities and self-esteem, etc., as well as a great look for themselves with having an Asian wife with Asian kids. (Their previous spouses were not Asian.)

I've always said, I felt like a handbag being matched to a pair of shoes. Bless them for wanting the best for their kids, but not once did they ask me about anything I was looking or hoping for in a relationship. They just figured I'd see the "great matchup" right in front of me and would be 100% on board.

When I tried to explain that I didn't think we were a match, one immediately wrote me condescending replies and said, "Well it's your loss," and blocked me before I could reply or defend myself.

This is a big reason as to why I'm not in the "active" dating scene.

I wish everyone out there the best, but I got tired of being cussed out (even without cuss words) just because I didn't fit someone else's story that they had already signed, sealed, and delivered -- to themselves.

Kudos to you for sticking to your own standards!

Yes! I am glad you pointed out the important part of my story. It's a very miserable relationship when the other person doesn't make time for your interests. It's very inconsiderate and you feel like you aren't allowed to be yourself. It makes no sense to me to be miserable in a relationship. I'm perfectly content being on my own, if that's the Lord's will for me. And I can listen to whatever I want without earbuds!

I definitely understand why you aren't in the "active" dating scene. I wince when I hear that someone doesn't care to ask you what you are looking or hoping for in a relationship. Wanting to mold you or shove you into the narrative they have for their own life is certainly not a healthy relationship. If the script was flipped, they wouldn't be happy about it either. They wouldn't like being controlled. Them telling you it's your loss is absolutely absurd of them. How aggravating! Being in a relationship that you aren't happy in is one of the most miserable experiences, imo.

You're very smashing and I'm elated that you aren't allowing anyone to dim that smashingness!

Personally, I have seen the system from both sides as the accused and the victim, and if a woman asked that of me, I would probably go. (Depending on the situation)

Perhaps its the over use of ignoring or muting, that leads to those stats of 50% of marriages ending in divorce.

I love classic rock. Most of my favorite music is from the 70s.

It was certainly a great decade for rock music.
One of my favorite songs of any genre/decade is Chicago's Make Me Smile. But there are so many great songs from the 70s.

Call me a relic, call me what you will. Today's music ain't got the same soul.

Smelly feet!

Shouldn't Christians be turning away from the things of the world?

There's a lot of good Christian music that is far more meaningful than anything the secular people put out.