Do You Ever Struggle with Feelings of "Survivor's Guilt"? How Do You Cope?

Hey Everyone,

A quick Google search gave me this definition: "A condition of persistent and emotional stress experienced by someone who has survived an incidence in which others perished."

Not the cheeriest subject, I know -- but something that is heavily on my mind.

Many here know that I was adopted as a baby by wonderful Christian parents. I have a friend who has a similar background, and we met for coffee yesterday. I'm not sure if "survivor's guilt" is the right term for what we both experience, but we both feel a strong need to try to give back for everything we have been given.

My friend has dedicated her life to working for organizations that help children in need. She told me about a recent visit to another country where children without families or support are expected by the government to start fending for themselves at the age of 12, and there are no social aid systems to help these kids in the first place. As could be imagined, most fall victim to prostitution, trafficking, or some kind of life servitude/horrible conditions in order to survive.

As my friend and I were both tearing up and close to bawling while discussing this, we both had the same question: Why did God choose to pluck just a few of us out of this horrible vicious cycle and leave so many others are left behind?

I know there are a myriad of possible answers. But we concluded our conversation with, "Neither of us can save them all, but we can pray and do our best to try to help in any small way that we can."

How about you?

* Do you have things about your life that in which you have been spared (an illness, a medical issue, an accident, etc.) and wonder why?

* How do you feel as a result, and what effect does it have on your life, decisions, and actions?

* What do you do when you feel overwhelmed by so many needs and the terrible state of the world today? Are there specific Bible passages that give you peace and comfort?

Please note that I am not at all trying to downplay anyone's experiences. I think we all have experienced varying degrees of both our own traumatic experiences as well as others that we were spared.

In this discussion, I am very interested in how others feel about being "spared" and how it motivates them.

A child was walking down the beach, picking up clams that had been washed up by a storm and chucking them back into the ocean.

A man called to him, "this beach goes on forever. You'll never make a difference."

The child picked up another clam and threw it back in the ocean. "I made a difference to that one."

Not the main topic of this thread, I know, but relevant to the last part of your first post.

Well this is what came to mind (once I finally dug up the source for a copy paste). Excerpt form George Macdonald's narrative poem A Hidden life.

To be good
Is more than holy words or definite acts;
Embodying itself unconsciously
In simple forms of human helpfulness,
And understanding of the need that prays.
And when he read the weary tales of crime,
And wretchedness, and white-faced children, sad
With hunger, and neglect, and cruel words,
He would walk sadly for an afternoon,
With head down-bent, and pondering footstep slow;
And to himself conclude: “The best I can
For the great world, is, just the best I can
For this my world. The influence will go
In widening circles to the darksome lanes
In London's self.” When a philanthropist
Said pompously: “With your great gifts you ought
To work for the great world, not spend yourself
On common labours like a common man;"
He answered him: “The world is in God's hands.
This part he gives to me; for which my past,
Built up on loves inherited, hath made
Me fittest.

Now on a more personal note, I feel something similar in that God having blessed my life so much well it feels kind of isolating at times. And you aren't allowed to complain about your life has been so good that you don't understand the hurts and struggles of most people, that's kind of like complaining that you don't know how to spend all your money because you just have too much of it.

And for me the answer has been partly to recognize that as misplaced guilt and shame, I'll never know why but I know it's nothing I merited by somehow being "better" nor is it anything I've done that has put other people in worse circumstances. And I'd say in little ways to do what I can, but I usually get bogged down in analysis paralysis and I don't just want to help for the day, I want to find a way to solve all of person's issues on the spot, which usually isn't possible.

Mostly it's just another moment to remember that God is God, I'm not and I don't get to be privy to the details of what God is doing in other people's lives or the complex interaction of generations of obedience or disobedience that set up the dynamics in another family; I just need to be grateful for mine and slow to judge those who started in hellish circumstances and still bear some of the scars from going through hell to get out.

In response to the evil deeds that go on in places like that, here is a scripture about what should be done about it. (Expose it)

"Have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that is illuminated becomes a light itself."

Ephesians 5:11-13 (BSB)

I wanted to answer that comment about wanting to give back for what has been given. As a parent i would feel that they would tell you there love is freely given just as it should be received. In my mind it is no different than Gods love for us. Food for thought and may this be a message that truly touches your heart and sets the captive free.