My wife and I been married for 12 years. We both attend church regularly and are saved. Recently we have been discussing things our lives we have not before.
Recently she has told me that two of her past partners were one night stands. I never knew this and assumed it was past boyfriends. She also confused me on her past. Her story has changed on how many partners and now I'm confused on what to believe. Also this hurts me greatly, this goes against my morals. I do not believe in one night stands and never acted in any in my life. NO this does not make me better than her and NO I'm not perfect either.
We have tried talking about it, but the more I find out and know the worse it gets in my mind. She says she doesnt even know their names. This destroys me, this hurts my souls in so many ways. I think about if often now and it keeps me up at night. I resent her now in ways. I feel this is wrong and I want to stop.
Another fact that bothers me greatly, over the years our intimacy has reduced greatly. I'm a very affectionate person and she is not over the years. I try to initiate and she turns me down often. This destroys me confidence. In my twisted mind "Well she gave it all to complete strangers but she won't with her husband." I think of I work hard in our relationship, I put in effort and think of cute date ideas or think or fun exciting ways to spark up intimacy to end up being rejected.
Once again, Im not perfect I have a past too. I want to move on and wish I can get it out of my mind. Right now my mind is racing and I don't know what to do. In a since I feel lied to. I feel that she knew how I was and my morals and she bent the truth. Yet again we have had a good marriage and I don't want to throw it all away but I can't keep on resenting her. I just want to mind to stop. I hurting bad here. Please don't tear me up on this forum, Im trying.
Yes I spoke to therapist but I refuse to tell this person on details since this is her private matters. Yes I spoke to pastors at church but I refuse to tell these specific details of my wife. This is her private matters, I know she is ashamed of them. I respect her private matters. I'm trying to respectful by keeping it anonymous on the internet. But yet I still feel bad venting here.
Please be kind and please help my terrible mind.
Recently she has told me that two of her past partners were one night stands. I never knew this and assumed it was past boyfriends. She also confused me on her past. Her story has changed on how many partners and now I'm confused on what to believe. Also this hurts me greatly, this goes against my morals. I do not believe in one night stands and never acted in any in my life. NO this does not make me better than her and NO I'm not perfect either.
We have tried talking about it, but the more I find out and know the worse it gets in my mind. She says she doesnt even know their names. This destroys me, this hurts my souls in so many ways. I think about if often now and it keeps me up at night. I resent her now in ways. I feel this is wrong and I want to stop.
Another fact that bothers me greatly, over the years our intimacy has reduced greatly. I'm a very affectionate person and she is not over the years. I try to initiate and she turns me down often. This destroys me confidence. In my twisted mind "Well she gave it all to complete strangers but she won't with her husband." I think of I work hard in our relationship, I put in effort and think of cute date ideas or think or fun exciting ways to spark up intimacy to end up being rejected.
Once again, Im not perfect I have a past too. I want to move on and wish I can get it out of my mind. Right now my mind is racing and I don't know what to do. In a since I feel lied to. I feel that she knew how I was and my morals and she bent the truth. Yet again we have had a good marriage and I don't want to throw it all away but I can't keep on resenting her. I just want to mind to stop. I hurting bad here. Please don't tear me up on this forum, Im trying.
Yes I spoke to therapist but I refuse to tell this person on details since this is her private matters. Yes I spoke to pastors at church but I refuse to tell these specific details of my wife. This is her private matters, I know she is ashamed of them. I respect her private matters. I'm trying to respectful by keeping it anonymous on the internet. But yet I still feel bad venting here.
Please be kind and please help my terrible mind.
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