Phishing For Trouble -- A Conversation About Catfishing. What Have You Seen, Heard, and Experienced?

Hey Everyone,

This thread was inspired by a conversation about online romance scams.

A quick Google search says: "Catfishing is a type of cybercrime that involves creating a fake online identity to manipulate others, while phishing is typically associated with email deceit. Catfishing is often more personal than phishing and can involve fake social media accounts or dating profiles."

Most people are aware of phishing scams that try to claim your personal information, but most people are a lot more vulnerable when the scam also claims one's heart.

Here are a few of the things I have seen:

- As someone getting older in the dating scene, I hear a lot about older people (let's say 40's right up through 80's) who become convinced that a hot 27-year-old in another country is deeply in love with them. Surely it's not the money they're sending, but their new love always has a new problem that always needs a new supply of money.

Sure, it's possible someone who looks like a model and is half their age is madly in love with them. But how often does that actually happen in real life?

- At a former job, it was heartbreaking to see older people sending money to their "friend" or "fiance/fiancee" in faraway places who "needed help." We would try to convince them to think twice about it (especially when they insisted on sending hundreds or even thousands of dollars on a regular basis,) but they would never listen -- until something went wrong.

Then suddenly they wanted EVERYONE to listen -- including the police, hoping they could get their money back -- but the money and "the love of their life," were long gone. Never mind all the times they were warned -- no one seems to believe until they get pushed past a certain point -- or lose a devastating amount of money.

- I've read about instances where catfishers pose as young girls (often using photos of exceptionally attractive child models,) then approach older men online. They might go for a romantic angle right away, saying they like older men, or they might play innocent, saying they don't have a dad in their life and are looking for a father figure.

At some point, they lure the person into some kind of sexual conversation -- even if they try to frame it as "educational" -- "I don't understand how these things work -- can you explain it to me?" And once the person is lured into making detailed answers, the person on the other end (who is surely not the young girl in the picture,) tells him she is underage, demanding he start sending her money or she will report his messages to the authorities, his families, boss, etc.

- Years ago, I was on a Christian dating site and noticed an unusually high number of men in their 20's all claiming they were in the military -- and widowed. Now this is certainly possible, but when you see this in 10 profiles almost all in a row, something seems off.

A man in his 50's -- who said he was an actual widower -- caught on to this and wrote a post warning people of the "Widow/Widower" scam. He mentioned that these types of catfish would also almost have "one beloved child" from their former marriage.

Now I am certainly not trying to disrespect those who have lost a spouse in ANY WAY. But what set this apart was the circumstances -- a dating site with a high number of unusually young people all claiming to have a deceased spouse.

- I've seen some catfish who don't even ask for money -- what they really seem to want is attention/connections without any actual personal investment except time. I've ran into this several times myself (fortunately, only on a platonic level.)

While I feel blessed that I've never fallen for a catfish dating situation, I've seen plenty of other cases where a friend had what they thought was a serious online relationship -- with someone who conveniently never wanted to meet them in person, even when they kept offering to go see them.

I understand that people have boundaries, and in some cases, it can be best to just have an online friendship. But I also believe that in every situation, God wants us to be honest with others.

And... a "romantic" relationship in which the person never actually agrees to meet you? That would get my Spidey senses tingling.

I would also have to wonder how many other people the person was dating -- or had "dated," but never actully met -- besides just me.

What about you?

* Have you ever been the victim of a catfish? How did you find out the truth?

* Have you seen catfishing happen to others? What happened?

* What tips would you give to others to protect themselves (and their hearts)?

* How can we help keep each other safe?

I don't know that I was a "victim", but I had someone attempt it once.
I continued to push for live video chat and never received a response.
Insist early on to have a video chat. If they're real, they'll do it.

I actually met a couple of women online on an international dating site. Once was in Ukraine, but the timing was terrible to be able to chat (2 am), and another one in Munich, Germany. We actually long-distance dated for about a year. I went to Munich twice, and she came to the US once, but only after real-time video chat several times.

I had a friend who was catfished by someone in Ukraine. She started asking him for money regularly that was supposedly used on English lessons... This was around the 90's, early 2000's, so I'm not sure what the state of video chat was then?

In reality, she didn't know English at all and was using someone else to talk to him. But for some reason, he didn't fully figure it out until he flew there to meet her.

I admire his tenacity though. He eventually met another girl in Ukraine and they got married after each one had visited each other's country and met the other's families.

The Ukraine gal never asked for money, and I would never send money to someone in that situation anyway. She actually spoke English very well. The gal from Germany (originally from Turkey) spoke and understood almost no English (even though she initially said she understood it), so we had to use a translation app to communicate. So the language problem was definitely similar in that I didn't now how little she understood until I flew there to meet her. Ultimately the relationship didn't work out because it went on long enough for her true personality to come out.

I have seen many people that I suspected were not at all what they claimed to be online. Many of them I have seen on this very forum. Sometimes I have suspected one person was pretending to be multiple people.

I'm not that desperate for a relationship though, so it didn't affect me much. I let other people get involved with them, and I let other people try to ferret them out.

Its interesting...
I've met people in real life that seem to be one thing, then when you get them in their home environment, they are something else. That's not phishing of course, but I'm amazed by people that can seem to be more than one person.

Regarding the subject, I've seen a few questionable accounts get registered both here and on other websites. These new accounts will have an avatar of a young pretty girl. In their profiles and / or post, they mention a liking to talk or hang out with older people (translation: older guys talk to me please)... Sometimes, you just gotta say it...

Folks watch yourselves!

I've not been catfished but I tend to see trouble early on.

I did know an old (non-Christian) successful Alaska gold miner who I think was in his 80s or 90s who would often have a good looking 30 year-something old on his arm. There was a long string of them and they were all gold diggers, of course. They'd string each other along and eventually the female would get tired of waiting for whatever she was hoping to get and she'd collect all the gold nuggets she could find around the house and leave. Then the old guy would put out a bunch more gold nuggets in plain view and before you knew it he'd have another girl by his side. The world is full of gold diggers and older people are prime targets.

If you're old as dirt and find yourself getting the attentions of a young lady, in person or over the internet, never give them a hint of your wealth, no matter whether you have two nickels to rub together or you own half of nVidia. Understand right away that the person really isn't interested in you beyond what they can gain from you. If it's onlne the person might not be the gender they're pretending to be... just avoid that kind of stuff, especially online.

I know one of the things that's saved me a lot of heartache is that I try to be realistic, which is something most people who are looking for online romance seem to refuse to do.

I never trust model-quality pictures. Sure, sometimes they might be true to life, but that doesn't seem to be very often. And one thing I know about myself (and for anyone who's met me here,) I'm just your normal, average, girl-next-door kinda gal -- and a very nerdy one at that.

Never in my life have I attracted rich, model-level guys with big important jobs. I never even attracted single managers at the places I work (long before it was mostly forbidden due to the Me Too movement.)

But most people think their online life is going to be different, and that they are going to magically snag the top-tier, ultra level quality significant other online who would never give them a second look in real life. (After all, doesn't God want THE BEST for them?!) Sure, it COULD happen. But is it likely? I'm not a betting girl, but I'd say the odds aren't in most people's favor. And I think the people who are honest about their reality are a lot less vulnerable.

There was one time on a dating site many years ago when a guy contacted me whose pictures were of someone younger, and with model-quality good looks. I had absolutely no faith those were actually him. While of course you can't TRULY know everything that's going on behind the scenes, I just had a feeling. And this is going to sound judgmental, but he even SOUNDED like the nerdy type in the way he communicated, even just through typing (which I know very well since I'm a nerd myself!!) Something about him just didn't "sound" like the guy in the photo. He sounded very nice -- but it just didn't seem to "match" the guy in the picture.

Turns out, not only was he not the guy in the pictures he posted, but he was married to boot. Speaking of which, I thanked him for the chats and immediately cut off our communication as soon as I found out. He told me the reason he'd tried talking to me was because (apparently both he and his wife talked to others on on dating sites -- which you'll find on all dating sites, even "Christian" ones) and he said that I stood out to him for being "so real."

Talk about ironic!!! Posting pictures of someone else -- to try to be able to talk to someone because she seemed up front.

Long ago, I wondered if I could be more than what I was, or at least, something else When I started moving around the country to follow my family, I wondered if I'd be perceived any differently in each new location. After all, wasn't this a chance at a brand-new start, a fresh beginning? But in every location, I settled into the same reputation I've had in every place -- the boring nerd.

But, I know what I DO attract, and that's hard-working, faith-filled, give-you-the-shirt-off-their-backs loyal Christian friends -- and I wouldn't trade that -- especially not for all the fake profiles on the internet.

You're a daughter of the King! Hard to beat that.

You're very kind, thank you so much.

And we're very glad you are here.

Your posts add a LOT to these threads!

We couldn't cause nearly as much trouble with you, TT!

Reminds me of a comedian who said his girlfriend told him she couldn't stand anything artificial. Everything around her had to be authentic, genuine.

He replied, "Your eyebrows are drawn on the front of your face."

I've never been financially scammed. But I did once meet someone on This site. It didn't take her long to show an interest in me. She was younger than I was interested in, but persistent. I told her she was a bit young for me (legal age though) but that I didn't know her and I'd take some time to get to know her.
We spoke for a year and a half, where I made no decision, but definitely leaning towards not interested, but she persisted. Even telling me God wanted us to be together.
One thing that bothered me was how she'd disappear for weeks or a few months at a time, with no warning. And every time I questioned her on it her excuses often didn't make sense.
One day I was on FB and one if the "people you may know" suggestions came up. No idea why, honestly. Though it was odd since she told me she didn't use FB and hadn't had it in years.
Let's say it was an eye opener. For one she had a boyfriend/fiance. Another was when she text me from the hospital once, saying she was having lady trouble. Nope, she had been pregnant and lost the child. And a plethora of other things we talked about in general conversation that showed different beliefs on her FB than what she told me.
Needless to say I told her what I saw, confronted her on some of it, then cut her off. Turns out two months later she got married, to a guy who Wasn't her bf, and moved out of state.

As mentioned above, video chatting before getting involved online is a Must. And they have to be clearly visible.
Now to say everyone who doesn't want to is a scammer isn't always true, but it's definitely a big red flag.
My last gf didn't want to video chat when we first started talking. And was even offended that I asked for any evidence (before we started dating). Eventually she sent some videos of herself, which was reassuring but not enough. She did end up video chatting though.
I had her watch some episodes of the TV show Catfish. After that she said she understood why I was being so cautious.
We did video chat a lot and I got to experience some of her home life, which confirmed everything she told me about herself. Another important point.

I have had them try on other social media platforms. For example The last one to attempt to scam me was a british bio-chemical engineer station off the coast of Scotland on a oil refinery. She/He/It needed me to get itune cards to send it money because it's Ex had frozen It's accounts. I guess there are gullable people out there that would fall for this. I did'nt have much sympothy because at the time I had been living on Ramen for a number of weeks. I told It that maybe they should get in contac with their mother. It became very angry with me and called me everything under the sun. I blocke it an it was all over I say It because even though it was posing as female she sure didnt talk like a female with any education. These things never work with me. I can usually smell a rat fairly quickly.

I know I could just do a quick Google search on this, but why is it always iTune gift cards? Those always seem to be the top currency of choice when it comes to most online romance scams. I'm assuming there has to be some way to convert them into cash?

Which makes me wonder why the company hasn't fixed this or done something about this loophole since it's so popular.

Years ago we had a young guy here posting pictures of something like a Brazilian model with whom he supposedly had an online romance with, and he mentioned that she'd asked for iTune gift cards. We all tried to tell him this was a scam but to no avail.

I also heard a story of a guy who supposedly showed up to meet a woman from this site with an engagment ring costing several thousand dollars -- but she never arrived. Apparently she never asked for money -- whoever it was just seemed to enjoy all the attention he showered her with.

And not that it can't happen the other way around of course. Back in the day, Christian Mingle and Christian Cafe used to have live chat rooms. I haven't been on them in umpteen years, but I think they've removed those chats, and I probably wouldn't join a dating site without them.

The live chats were where you could get the scoop on a lot of scammers and get a feel for people's personalities. I remember one guy with an exceptionally good-looking picture who was PM'ing me and another girl was like, "If Mr. Handsome PM's you, RUN. I talked to him for 6 months and he would never answer my questions -- he would just send me more pictures."

Now I realize some people will try to spread rumors out of spite, but when you get more than one person in the chat saying this...

It was a handy shortcut for avoiding a lot of stupidity.

I did Google it. It says that iTunes gift cards can be used to shop online, easily traded for cash and difficult to trace. Sounds plausible.

Jiminy Crickets.

It's like iTunes has invented the perfect currency for illegal activity.

Who needs Bitcoin when they already have these?

I'm surprised the company hasn't done anything to impose some restrictions -- or apparently no one has been able to file enough lawsuits to force them into doing so.

With many types of scams the poorly educated/obviously not a native English speaker element is left that way on purpose.
People who may pick up on it being a scam won't respond. But people who ignore or excuse it are more likely to fall for it. It prevents them from wasting time on those that won't be tricked and indicates those who respond are easily conned.

So many seem to lash out when denied. I wonder if it's a pressure/intimidation tactic. They get impatient with people who are doing the things they're told to do, but doing it wrong or not understanding.

Point well taken

Hi Seoul,

You bring up some good points.
I'm listening to this lady's videos on this topic. This is part 2 of her 3 part series on scammers. No need to listen to it all. The first 5 minutes summarizes her problem with the store.

This one is more informative on the problems this poor lady is having with her Walmart gift card than the first one. This is happening to a lot of people. Unfortunately, they just get the run around.
Wal Mart is responsible for these thefts. I hope nobody here has gone through an actual scam. It's very painful. I had a family member who used to get scammed quite often. I did everything I could to intervene, but she and one other family member would always cooperate with those crooks and leave me out of the process of tell me I'm not welcome. That was the most painful part, seeing people I love get hurt so badly. Families are supposed to work together and protect one another.

Yesterday I heard a comedian talking about meeting a lady at a coffee shop and finding out she had been using her (much) younger sister's picture online. He determined to leave forthwith.

"Won't you at least walk me to my car?"

"Lady I intend to RUN to my car. If your car is on the way to mine, I'll wave as I go past."