Extremely frustrated with God right now - faith crisis

It's been a very long while since I've posted on this forum. I can say I go to church regularly now and have made a few new friends, I am working full time, and in school. I also have an apartment.
However, I am majorly unhappy still. Still living paycheck to paycheck, still dealing with anxiety and panic attacks, I'm still single, and still watching everyone around me get blessed. I still genuinely believe God just either doesn't like me as much as everyone else or His plan for my life really just sucks.

Right after I started wanting to be in the faith more, I started having issues at my old job. My cousin's child-s father passed away abruptly, which still bothers me to this day, and it really bothered me watching her and her kids suffer. He didn't have any health problems or anything. I suffered financially most of the year last year. I met a guy I really liked, and it fell through the cracks, like every other relationship I've seemingly had. I've grown increasingly tired of hearing about innocent people dying or being hurt meanwhile, jerks are living life just fine. I've been there for people who just left me in the dirt.

I've prayed and asked for God's will for my life, pray or talk to him in some form literally every day, prayed for others, stopped having sex, tried trusting Him, you name it...just to keep tasting DIRT. Meanwhile, someone else prays and BAM, things are great for them. I am at a point where I genuinely am starting to dislike Him as a whole. I only trust Him to a fault at this point because I feel like all He's done is let me down. My family has been on a couple of vacations, but I've missed them all because I can only afford to send my daughter. I am very lonely. What was His point of creating me?? I keep hearing people say He has good plans for my life. I've been hearing this for years and I'm 31 now. I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired and sick of hearing the same things but not seeing anything different, no matter how hard I try.

I would say, it would be extremely beneficial to focus on this. When I go there I have no complaints.

The only thing I can say is that I am almost in the same situation as you and I am 100% sure that we are not the only ones. I have been out of work for 3 years. My parents died one in 2021 and my mother in 2022, even my pets died one after the other since 2021. I am 43 years old and I have nothing apart from my brothers who have given me their support. I, like you, sometimes lose faith and wonder if God really wants something with me. To make things worse, my neighbor, who was my friend, we are no longer one, went to Norway very happy of the life, leaving his 80 year old mother here, alone with no one to take care of her, because he met a woman there online, and the last thing he did was say that my mom was a b!tc#. He claims to be a Christian, but he never helped his mother in anything, he treated her badly, every time he spoke to her it was to insult her and he have done wort things. All his friends abandoned him because he went crazy, reading nonsense from the book of Enoch and so on, he was full of frustrations and did not know how to handle them well. I was the only friend he had left but according to him I was not a good friend, no one was a good friend to him, that´s what he said. Now after everything he has said and done and what in my opinion, God has blessed him more than he has blessed me, I have been left having to be aware of his mother and help her in everything that I can because she is already an elderly lady. I do it willingly because I appreciate her, although sometimes she gets intense. Well, after all this story that I have told you, what I wanted to tell you was that sometimes it fills me with frustration and discouragement because deep inside I think that I treated my parents well, even though my dad was not the best father in the world, I have always been willing to help people in whatever I can, I am not perfect but I try to live a life that pleases God and yet, like you, I see that those who prosper are those who do the opposite.

Sometimes I don't know what I think about that preaches about trials and valleys and all those things, I don't want to say that they aren't true but sometimes they seem to have no end. The only thing that sometimes comforts me is remembering that each and every important person in the Bible went through difficulties before finding a better life. From Abraham and Joseph (a bunch of year imprisoned), Moses, even David (running away from Saul for like 10 years), the prophets and apostles (Those never had a good life), I read Psalm 73 or 42 and that's it. And well, I resign myself to my current situation. Maybe God will bring something good out of this situation, I continue to trust that.

Sorry for my English, if you can't understand it well or there are some spelling errors, it is not my native language.

Psalm 18:28

I'm sorry you are suffering so much.
I am also depressed because I lost my family.
Regardless of loss of career, dreams, family, money, and health issues, God is my only hope. Jesus is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother. The Holy Spirit comforts me. My Father has provided up until now, so I have reasons to trust Him for tomorrow.
That doesn't diminish what you and I are going through. I just have to stay in His Word to keep perspective from His point of view or lose all hope in my own limited understanding.

You still have your precious child whom you love very much and I'm sure she does you. God still loves you too. She is a gift to you.
Here's a short message about His love that a caring person shared with me in person. It's made the world of difference.

The Love of God

Praying for you.
I feel you. Read or listen to the book of Psalm.

faith takes action too... so do your part but lean in to God, pray more, read the bible more. fast, pray for others not yourself.

praying you find your way

Read Malachi 3:5 thru Malachi 4:5

The simple answer is...surrender.

I know this isn't easy to hear, but why do you think what is happening is not the will of God?

When I was first saved, I went through a time very similar to what you are experiencing. And I glean from your words many of the same misunderstandings and preconceptions about God that I was under. And like you, I didn't have someone to come alongside me to help me understand what was actually going on spiritually.

Your dissatisfaction is the result of desiring certain things in life that you want that God is frustrating. Your goals are selfish and self-serving. God has no interest such things. His goal is to remake you in the image of Christ. And He will have His way. And your resistance will only serve to add to your frustration.

A few things that helped me to move forward in the faith and in my relationship with God:

...1 Corinthians 6:19...I belong to God. Both in creation and in the new creation, God has the right to direct my life as He pleases.
...Jeremiah29:11...God is good, and His goodness always attends to us. Regardless of how you view what your present circumstances to be, they are a reflection of God's goodness.
...Romans 8:29...God is conforming you into the image of His Son. This is your highest estate, for in it you both glorify God and enjoy Him to the greatest extent.
...Psalm 37:4...there are far greater desires than those you currently hold. As you learn to delight in God, He will fill your heart with good and holy desires and be unto you a far greater reward than the things you currently desire.
...Psalm 23:1...the only real means of earthly satisfaction is God Himself. Until you are satisfied in Him, your heart will always yearn for something more. All else you look to to find satisfaction will never satisfy you. Only God is all-satisfying. Only in Him will you ever find peace and rest.

This is probably alot to take in, and in some ways my heart breaks with you, but in some ways I rejoice. I sorrow that you sorrow, but I rejoice in that God has not let you find satisfaction in the things of this world. He will soon come to you and address your deepest and most profound needs, and make Himself known you in ways that will delight your soul. Until then, I will be much in prayer for you.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Holy God, have pity on Your handmaiden Gemmy. Visit her and relieve her sorrow, soften her loneliness. Help her to aquire wisdom and precious experience from her inner pain and suffering, if it is unavoidable. May our sufferings help us to renounce our egos, to humble our hearts and to truly love You selflessly. Help her to be a good mother for her daughter and may she always give a good example of a faithful Christian believer to her child. Enlighten her and help her to let go of her despondent grief and to find her hope, joy and inspiration in Your word and inner contemplation of Your sublime revelation. Thank You for Your great patience with her and each of us. In Jesus Christ's name, amen.

It is desire that you suffer from. You want, when the bible says "I shall not want". It is our sin nature that we still live with in the flesh that will stay until we receive a new body. I suffer it too. We are told to "be content with what we have". Paul says he "learned" to be content. It took time. It is the plan and purpose of God, not our plan and purpose, and it does not mean that His plan is for a good life for us. It may be a bad one. Many suffer and die horribly and pray and believe much more than us, yet they or at least many of them are content to suffer for christ.

You are likely also suffering addiction to having your way often going well. But we are told not to be of the world. meaning being fleshly desirous addicted enslaved people to strongholds over us of sin. We are to overcome our desires.

There is a free book online at gutenberg progject or even on the app book store on mobiles for free if you look for it, called "The Imitation of Christ - Thomas a Kempis". It gives much guidance on suffering and many other areas. I am only half way through it.

But I pray you to have a blessed and wonderful life as a Christian with much progress in Christ, rest, peace, prosperity and health, and growth in your christian path as well as for your daughter and family and friends and others around you, in Jesus name I pray and ask these things of the Father, giving thanks and praise, Amen.