If We Started a Singles Group, Which Volunteer Committee Would YOU Sign Up For?

I volunteer for the smack people upside the head with scripture when they're being idiots and can't tell the difference between the voice of God and the voice of their hormones team.
For married adults who want to assist, both spouses must attend and they need to keep their interactions with members of the same sex. We may have to find a creative way to very obviously mark them as married / taken as well.

I wanna be a leader of the excommunicated group. Those deemed too improper to be a part. (For whatever reason) I'll take those. Sure 9 out of ten are going to be whole life failures....but that One in ten are super awesome.

Hey Everyone,

I know I've been summoned -- more than once (!) -- to the thread asking if the church ignores singles (thanks, everyone!) After thinking about the topic for some time and talking with God about my own past experiences, I decided to write a separate thread rather than interrupt someone else's.

I am a long-time single who, like many, was frustrated that there seems to be nothing in churches for singles over 30. I once had a mentor who challenged me to start a Single's Group. Years later, I hosted a Singles Group online for a few years, and now I can see why more churches don't have them -- because they come with a plethora of problems.

Here is just a sampling of things I ran into personally and/or have heard from others who have tried leading Singles Groups:

* Accountability/Fornication Prevention:
Who is going to keep adult singles in check, and who will counsel those who have fallen into sin? Because this is bound to happen. Everything I'm about to list in this post isn't a matter of if it will happen within the group, but when.

I once knew a woman in her 40's who confessed to me that she met a single man in the church and they started... spending adult time together. Eventually, she went the to pastor (her partner did not,) repented, and was restored. The man involved apparently went his own way, and she was once again left by herself, heartbroken and guilt-stricken.

I know a pastor in his 50's and he has said one of the most difficult groups he's had to try to minister to are older adult singles, because they will say things like, "Yeah, that celibacy thing is fine for teenagers and kids. But I'm an adult. I have needs that must be met."

Who's going to be the one to have to remind them that God's commands don't change, even if we do? And who is going to check up on and/or confront such behavior?

* Legal Team:
Who is going to help when the group runs into issues that might need to include legal action? For instance, what if someone gets pregnant, and someone doesn't want the baby? Or refuses to acknowledge paternity? What happens when someone starts stalking or threatening another person in the group? What happens when you run into substance abuse problems? (Kelly and Ken went out on a date -- Kelly got drunk and tried to insist on driving, but Ken had to intervene, and is now coming to the Single's Group leaders, demanding Kelly be kicked out of the group and is telling everyone she's a drunk.)

What are you going to do when married/separated people want to "check things out" or "volunteer" -- and wind up leaving their spouse for someone in the group?

* Jealousy/Competition Management:
Matters of the heart can become vicious among Christians, because everyone believes "God wants the best for them." I've seen incidences both in real life and online where, if Sara is the prettiest girl in the room, all the guys are going to go after her and ignore all the other ladies. Or if Stan is the cutest guy, the ladies will trample each other while trying to show why they're the best woman in the room to get Stan's attention.

Beth might call you, the group leader, and insist that you keep the other women away from Stan because GOD has told her that he is HERS.

How are you going to handle this?

* Substance Abuse:
If you have members that show up drunk/high, how are you going to deal with it? And as stated in the legal category, how are you to handle reports of group members abusing substances during dates?

* Stalking Prevention/Safety Team:
As mentioned under the legal issues, people are bound to become attached at some point and lines are going to be crossed. What are you going to do if Jen is literally throwing herself at John, and even tries to show up at his home? (Because she is convinced "God" has told her that they should get married...) When Rachel breaks up with Ronnie, what are you going to do when Ronnie constantly pesters you and other members about who Rachel is seeing and what she's been up to? What will you do when Ronnie bullies or threatens the next guy Rachel is dating?

*Leadership/Reputation Preservation Team:
Who is going to keep all the gossip, complaints, and criticisms in check? As a group leader, I was often criticized for everything under the sun. People want what they want, but yet usually won't help out with anything, and crumble at the first sign of criticism they themselves receive. We see this all the time in the forums (it's a major reason as to why most people don't write threads, because they can't handle the criticism) so you can see how much worse it will get in real life.

And yes, everyone, including leadership, needs to be kept in check. But who will do it? And who's going to be in charge of damage control when people's hearts get broken, and they try to ruin the reputations of both leaders and other members because of it?

*Activities Coordinator:
A group can only exist if there is a place to meet and things to do -- who is going to be in charge of planning, arranging, and organizing all of this? If money needs to be collected in advance for an event or outing, who will be trustworthy enough to handle this? And what are you going to do when some people will expect others to pay for them? What happens if people "say" they'll commit to this and that, and then back out -- leaving others holding the bag?

Will money be an issue in your group? Will only those who can pay for things like bowling, movies, and dinners out be able to participate? How are you going to serve those who don't have money, are differently abled, or have special needs?

And this is just scratching the surface.

I do think that at some point in time, churches are going to have to accommodate singles to some degree, a lot like they have had to do with the divorced. When I was young, I grew up in a conservative church in which the very few divorced or single parents there were looked down upon.

Nowadays, I often attend churches where the modern majority are divorced/remarries, single parents, and have a growing number of single members. How many churches would still be open if they went back to shunning the divorced/remarried and single parents?

Likewise, society is shifting and with growing numbers of singles, if churches don't eventually have something for them, they are not going to survive.

But in the meantime, I think I know why churches don't have anything for older singles.

Most people just want to enjoy what a group has to offer and not put in any blood, sweat, or tears -- but that's what's going to be required if we expect to have anything that helps singles meet each other.

So... Who wants to sign up first? As I wrote before, all of these issues aren't a matter of if, but when -- and how often they will occur. They will all need to be dealt with at some point. And as your leadership burns out, there will be a constant need for replacement or the group will dissolve.

I'm going to write a multiple-choice, anonymous poll (no one can see that you've answered or what answers you've chosen) -- I am genuinely curious to see how many people would be willing to sign up for these vital committees/volunteers that would be needed for an effective Singles Group.

And if no one signs up...

Well, we have our answer as to why churches don't have anything for singles.

I did see the money part on a forum though, where a group of us were trying to organize a Meetup and then everyone bailed out two and a half days before we were supposed to meet. The one who organized the whole thing was left holding the bag. He was quite bitter about it. So was I. I still wanted to go...

Hey Everyone,

I know I've been summoned -- more than once (!) -- to the thread asking if the church ignores singles (thanks, everyone!) After thinking about the topic for some time and talking with God about my own past experiences, I decided to write a separate thread rather than interrupt someone else's.

I am a long-time single who, like many, was frustrated that there seems to be nothing in churches for singles over 30. I once had a mentor who challenged me to start a Single's Group. Years later, I hosted a Singles Group online for a few years, and now I can see why more churches don't have them -- because they come with a plethora of problems.

Here is just a sampling of things I ran into personally and/or have heard from others who have tried leading Singles Groups:

* Accountability/Fornication Prevention:
Who is going to keep adult singles in check, and who will counsel those who have fallen into sin? Because this is bound to happen. Everything I'm about to list in this post isn't a matter of if it will happen within the group, but when.

I once knew a woman in her 40's who confessed to me that she met a single man in the church and they started... spending adult time together. Eventually, she went the to pastor (her partner did not,) repented, and was restored. The man involved apparently went his own way, and she was once again left by herself, heartbroken and guilt-stricken.

I know a pastor in his 50's and he has said one of the most difficult groups he's had to try to minister to are older adult singles, because they will say things like, "Yeah, that celibacy thing is fine for teenagers and kids. But I'm an adult. I have needs that must be met."

Who's going to be the one to have to remind them that God's commands don't change, even if we do? And who is going to check up on and/or confront such behavior?

* Legal Team:
Who is going to help when the group runs into issues that might need to include legal action? For instance, what if someone gets pregnant, and someone doesn't want the baby? Or refuses to acknowledge paternity? What happens when someone starts stalking or threatening another person in the group? What happens when you run into substance abuse problems? (Kelly and Ken went out on a date -- Kelly got drunk and tried to insist on driving, but Ken had to intervene, and is now coming to the Single's Group leaders, demanding Kelly be kicked out of the group and is telling everyone she's a drunk.)

What are you going to do when married/separated people want to "check things out" or "volunteer" -- and wind up leaving their spouse for someone in the group?

* Jealousy/Competition Management:
Matters of the heart can become vicious among Christians, because everyone believes "God wants the best for them." I've seen incidences both in real life and online where, if Sara is the prettiest girl in the room, all the guys are going to go after her and ignore all the other ladies. Or if Stan is the cutest guy, the ladies will trample each other while trying to show why they're the best woman in the room to get Stan's attention.

Beth might call you, the group leader, and insist that you keep the other women away from Stan because GOD has told her that he is HERS.

How are you going to handle this?

* Substance Abuse:
If you have members that show up drunk/high, how are you going to deal with it? And as stated in the legal category, how are you to handle reports of group members abusing substances during dates?

* Stalking Prevention/Safety Team:
As mentioned under the legal issues, people are bound to become attached at some point and lines are going to be crossed. What are you going to do if Jen is literally throwing herself at John, and even tries to show up at his home? (Because she is convinced "God" has told her that they should get married...) When Rachel breaks up with Ronnie, what are you going to do when Ronnie constantly pesters you and other members about who Rachel is seeing and what she's been up to? What will you do when Ronnie bullies or threatens the next guy Rachel is dating?

*Leadership/Reputation Preservation Team:
Who is going to keep all the gossip, complaints, and criticisms in check? As a group leader, I was often criticized for everything under the sun. People want what they want, but yet usually won't help out with anything, and crumble at the first sign of criticism they themselves receive. We see this all the time in the forums (it's a major reason as to why most people don't write threads, because they can't handle the criticism) so you can see how much worse it will get in real life.

And yes, everyone, including leadership, needs to be kept in check. But who will do it? And who's going to be in charge of damage control when people's hearts get broken, and they try to ruin the reputations of both leaders and other members because of it?

*Activities Coordinator:
A group can only exist if there is a place to meet and things to do -- who is going to be in charge of planning, arranging, and organizing all of this? If money needs to be collected in advance for an event or outing, who will be trustworthy enough to handle this? And what are you going to do when some people will expect others to pay for them? What happens if people "say" they'll commit to this and that, and then back out -- leaving others holding the bag?

Will money be an issue in your group? Will only those who can pay for things like bowling, movies, and dinners out be able to participate? How are you going to serve those who don't have money, are differently abled, or have special needs?

And this is just scratching the surface.

I do think that at some point in time, churches are going to have to accommodate singles to some degree, a lot like they have had to do with the divorced. When I was young, I grew up in a conservative church in which the very few divorced or single parents there were looked down upon.

Nowadays, I often attend churches where the modern majority are divorced/remarries, single parents, and have a growing number of single members. How many churches would still be open if they went back to shunning the divorced/remarried and single parents?

Likewise, society is shifting and with growing numbers of singles, if churches don't eventually have something for them, they are not going to survive.

But in the meantime, I think I know why churches don't have anything for older singles.

Most people just want to enjoy what a group has to offer and not put in any blood, sweat, or tears -- but that's what's going to be required if we expect to have anything that helps singles meet each other.

So... Who wants to sign up first? As I wrote before, all of these issues aren't a matter of if, but when -- and how often they will occur. They will all need to be dealt with at some point. And as your leadership burns out, there will be a constant need for replacement or the group will dissolve.

I'm going to write a multiple-choice, anonymous poll (no one can see that you've answered or what answers you've chosen) -- I am genuinely curious to see how many people would be willing to sign up for these vital committees/volunteers that would be needed for an effective Singles Group.

And if no one signs up...

Well, we have our answer as to why churches don't have anything for singles.

Thanks for this thread seoulsearch! You've brought up a lot of interesting points to ponder.

I voted for activities coordinator. I like planning and I've done this before when I was in my 20s and a part of a young adults group.

I gotta ask, how common is all of this behavior? I know church is messy, I've been in it my whole life and it can look like an x-rated circus sometimes, but is this stuff we're seeing on the regular at the average church? When I was in that young adults group we were a bunch of 20 to early 30 somethings with the same raging hormones that youth and over 30 adults have, but there wasn't people getting pregnant or having affairs. Yes, there was definitely jealously and conflict between girls wanting to get a guy's attention and there was a creepy guy who made people uncomfortable, but there wasn't a need for a legal team. I was very involved in this group and I never saw this type of stuff come up. The problems were more between friendships and misunderstandings.

I am not trying to be disagreeable, I'm genuinely curious, is this stuff happening all the time? Did I get blessed with an angelic young adults group?

Thanks for this thread seoulsearch! You've brought up a lot of interesting points to ponder.

I voted for activities coordinator. I like planning and I've done this before when I was in my 20s and a part of a young adults group.

I gotta ask, how common is all of this behavior? I know church is messy, I've been in it my whole life and it can look like an x-rated circus sometimes, but is this stuff we're seeing on the regular at the average church? When I was in that young adults group we were a bunch of 20 to early 30 somethings with the same raging hormones that youth and over 30 adults have, but there wasn't people getting pregnant or having affairs. Yes, there was definitely jealously and conflict between girls wanting to get a guy's attention and there was a creepy guy who made people uncomfortable, but there wasn't a need for a legal team. I was very involved in this group and I never saw this type of stuff come up. The problems were more between friendships and misunderstandings.

I am not trying to be disagreeable, I'm genuinely curious, is this stuff happening all the time? Did I get blessed with an angelic young adults group?

Thanks for this thread seoulsearch! You've brought up a lot of interesting points to ponder.

I voted for activities coordinator. I like planning and I've done this before when I was in my 20s and a part of a young adults group.

I gotta ask, how common is all of this behavior? I know church is messy, I've been in it my whole life and it can look like an x-rated circus sometimes, but is this stuff we're seeing on the regular at the average church? When I was in that young adults group we were a bunch of 20 to early 30 somethings with the same raging hormones that youth and over 30 adults have, but there wasn't people getting pregnant or having affairs. Yes, there was definitely jealously and conflict between girls wanting to get a guy's attention and there was a creepy guy who made people uncomfortable, but there wasn't a need for a legal team. I was very involved in this group and I never saw this type of stuff come up. The problems were more between friendships and misunderstandings.

I am not trying to be disagreeable, I'm genuinely curious, is this stuff happening all the time? Did I get blessed with an angelic young adults group?

Food is a substance, therefore it must be guarded. I don't want y'all abusing it.

I'll lead that team.

Oh my word, @seoulsearch you've been treated so terribly! I'm so sorry you had to endure such childish and downright sinful behavior, especially by people who claimed to follow Christ. Thank you for sharing your side of things and what you've been through.