Dark Attractions

I try to accept the Jacob inside me, while trying to be Israel. (Terms for the two natures).

Hi Sir..... yeah the 90% empath thing doesn't surprise me at all. Please don't take this as weird, but I had you pegged as a high-level empath by like the third post I saw after you joined. Dark girls always pick up on gifts like that, I think it's because a lack of empathy is often what pushes them to darkness in the first place. 🤔

I think the reality is that most dark girls are drawn to spirituality, but Satan's "rules" seem so much easier to follow (only on the surface of course...he always leads to destruction). But the girls see it as more do-able to be a good Wiccan than a good Christian. So they go for the dark side. But when they meet you they see the true spirituality they are lacking and needing..... PLUS wrapped up in an empathetic package that doesn't see everything in black and white, but understands that people and backgrounds and situations are all different. That is ABSURDLY RARE in the church. So. When they meet you they feel like they've found a missing puzzle piece. However.....

That's only a good thing for you if they are ACTUALLY willing to change/grow/listen/learn/come to Jesus. As you have noted, more often than not they just try to drag you down to their level. Not good.

I gotta ask.... is there something about these girls that draws you as well? If so, there's no shame in that at all.... just think about what it is. Dark girls definitely have their good points, and when they are mature Christians they make a very unique member of the Body of Christ. Usually off-the-charts for discernment, insight, spiritual warfare, etc..... they can handle stuff that might send your average good little church girl running for the nearest potluck to calm her rattled nerves with under-seasoned pasta salad. But dark girls thrive on the broken, bizarre, confusing, emotionally whack aspects of life and they're not afraid to confront it head-on. We LIVE for that stuff.

Anyways.... I'm not trying to brag on dark girls, we're not better or more important than anyone else. I'm just saying that if they are drawn to you, and IF you are drawn to them as well.... then maybe it wouldn't be a bad fit IF the girl in question has already healed a good bit and is truly saved and well on her way to sanctification. But I think that would be the key... knowing that she is willing to grow purely for the prize of Christ, rather than the prize of you.

One way to test that is to see how she responds when you tell her things she doesn't want to hear. If she respects you and is willing to grow then she will listen. If not then she will get angry. Also see how she responds if you are vulnerable or having a rough day. If the support is one-sided then she's just using you. If most of your interactions leave you feeling drained, then 👎.

Regardless, please be very careful. Emotionally broken guys tend to go for me. They also tend towards stalking behavior. I am EXTREMELY careful about getting even platonically involved with a guy who isn't emotionally healthy. Yet, I'm inexplicably drawn to the broken-ness. God kinda fixed that by putting me in youth ministry. Now I can help people sort through emotional crap without worries about romantic entanglement. Perhaps He has a similar calling for you, maybe not with kids but maybe counseling or substance-abuse recovery, etc? Just thoughts.... what you have is a very rare and special gift, I will pray that God shows you how He wants to use it! 🙏

Indeed, even more bizarre is the now Christian Witches (Christian Witchcraft actually dates back to Middle Ages) which is strange blending of the two.. we know it doesn't work, "You cannot serve two masters," "the lukewarm I spew out of my mouth," (Revelation 3:16), and actually the Nicolaitians that Jesus hates in Revelation believed they could use Satan for power and wealth, and have the Gospel of Jesus and eternal life; I have known two people like this, one online and on IRL. It is bizarre to me.

If I am honest, the girls with the white wings of sainthood make my skin crawl.. I know I should be looking for a Mary Magadalene or Lyda, but I find church gals and those in religion to be very unattractive, as in they seem too "not of this world," to even make me interested, like, "okie, Jesus is your husband.. no room for me." I am not sure that is fair, but with the dark gals what draws me is that I can allow my darker side show, I do not have to pretend, put on airs, they tolerate my light, Jesus talk, and yet I do not have to act like a Monk who is somehow suppose to ignore the beauty of woman.. I am frustrated in Protestantism how Purity Culture turns women into seraphs, untouchable angels, when you see the Art of Roman Church, and the beauty of women is seen in the Venus de Milo, and so forth; I am not emphasizing simply that they are naked in those art pieces, rather that there is no shame in the female form, while Protestant art tends to regulate women to Burkas and veils that makes you think they are in Saudi Arabia. But its not just physicality, Dark Gals have an energy, a zest, and fire to them.. a spark, and a soul that yes probably carries trauma, but if we are honest who doesn't? The Angelos Church Girls pretend to not have trauma, they hide it behind masks of denial, burying it and saying it was "buried with Jesus." That is not how trauma works.. Jesus himself has the wounds in His hands and feet, and side from a traumatizing death...

I know I should probably ask like David, "create a clean heart in me O God, and renew a right spirit in me," so that I will be attracted to the Doves and not the Bats, but honestly my ideal scenario would be a Christian Goth Gal haha. A Lady who loves the Lord, but is alright with not pretending and allows us to put some of rad the Gothic stuff up in the house, I mean Goth comes from Gothic, which yes goes back to the Visigoths, but more aptly Gothic Churches, which I love. There was this Gothic Cathedral in Germany I visited, I loved it so much, praying in there, I got a painting from a local artist of it.

I feel like Song by RED, "Fight Inside," and "Shadows," from their Second Album, Innocence and Instinct. That two natures war inside me. I love and yearn for our Lord, I was reading my Bible today and could feel the traces of His Spirit in those words he spoke in Leviticus. And yet the idea of always being at Church and only watching Pureflix makes me want to vomit.. I would rather watch Alien Earth (2025, Summer) and listen to Gregorian Chant and watch theologians talk on EWTN (I am not Catholic, but I do like they discuss real deep stuff, most Protestant shows are get saved or donate to my ministry telethons).

Its funny you mention counseling, I have a degree in Christian Counseling for Children and Teens. I just have not got plugged into using it really. I went to Seminary, and could finish that online, I probably should. It is just hard because Churches in America try to project a look of perfection and sainthood, when its a hospital for the wounded and downtrodden. I just have no love for pretending and acting like everything is fine, I often have to tell the Power of Positivity Thinking Brothers and Sisters, St. Paul says, "rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15).

K.... I mean, I get not wanting a goody-two-shoes kinda gal, but keep in mind that current church culture pretty much demands it of us... I'm sure it's tough on the guys too. I have female friends who are struggling with low self-worth, partly because the guys in their circle would sooner die than pay them any sort of compliment. The guys are legit jumpy about appearing "inappropriate".... so the girls become prickly and act like they don't care... makes the guys more jumpy.... yeah, it feeds off itself.

Doves are lovely, but God made bats too. Bats eat way more mosquitoes than Doves, just sayin'.... and I wouldn't be too quick to think that Mary Magdalene and Lydia were "good little church girls". Mary had like 7 demons when she met Jesus...that girl knew darkness. Plus, when she saw Jesus after the resurrection she was LITERALLY RUNNING AROUND A CEMETARY IN THE DARK. Plus, she mighta been the "sinful woman" who poured the costly oil on Jesus' head and washed His feet with her tears and hair......fancy dudes in authority were all upset over it, was crazy "improper" of her but Jesus said it was the right thing. And don't even get me started on Lydia.... not only was she running her own business, she actually sassed Paul and Co. After she got baptized, told them to come stay at her house "unless you don't think I'm a true believer". Such sass, very wow..... she convinced 'em to stay! 😎

To be honest, I don't think the way us singles are told to be/act/talk is entirely accurate to how God wants us. But it's church culture, what ya gonna do?

Anyways..... that's really cool about the counseling! Definitely look into that. It's great that you aren't scared of the mire, but it's never a good place to set up camp. Pitch your tent on higher ground so you can help pull others out. Getting yourself stuck in the muck don't do nobody no good.

It never hurts to ask God for a clean heart and right spirit. But that don't mean ya oughta marry a goody-goody. If you're truly called to counseling the broken then you're going to need a girl whose greatest joy is something a bit grittier than cooing about sourdough bread on insta. It doesn't sound like you're drawn to anything that's inherently "wrong" or sinful, so go find you a sanctified bat lol 😆.

Great point about Mary Magadelene, hanging out a graves was considered a no no, even now among Jews, hence why they put graves in front of Eastern Gate in Jerusalem, because a Rabbi is not suppose to walk among them, and so they think by doing this it will keep Jesus from Returning. I laugh at that, nothing is stopping the King of Kings and Lord of Lords (God of gods) from coming!

I love these words from the movie Conclave (2024), "the point is we will never find that a candidate who doesn't have any kind of black mark against them. We're mortal men. We serve an ideal. We cannot always be ideal." (Cardinal Wozniak). I wish the Church Culture would pick up on this, that we aspire to be like Christ, and yet we fail that ideal all the time; that we should keep trying, but afford people the latitude of not measuring up to the ideal. As the saying goes, "to error is human, to forgive divine." We always need Jesus' Forgiveness, because we are frail human beings. And yet we do not as Romans in Chapter 5 and 6, surrender to our sins and say, "let grace abound all the more," in presumption, but rather we keep aspiring to ideal, but remembering we are not always going to be ideal. That is the difference, not ignoring we are "A New Creation," but that also the "Old Flesh Nature" is in us too; the Saint and Sinner, and that we are Children of God but we can bear no fruit save through Jesus, "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." (John 15:5-6).

I think you articulated what I seek, a Born Again Lady who has like Magadelene and others go through stuff and wants to help others. Who is not obsessed with "Sourdough Company," and appearances, but wants to do True Religion as St. James says, "true religion is to help widow and orphan," and to give hope to the downtrodden. There are so many even within the church that need to be "seen" and have someone say, "your scars, your dark nights," are not to be ignored and put on this garb of perfection, rather instead as the King and Country song goes, "They matter."

Yeah..... I mean, a lot of Jesus' encounters with ladies stretched the accepted cultural "norm". He told Martha her place was not in the kitchen. He spoke privately with the Samaritan woman about her love life. He commended the woman with the issue of blood for her faith, though touching a religious leader while unclean could have gotten her stoned to death. He also defended the woman caught in adultery, though the crowd wanted to kill her (interesting how the male side of the equation was just as guilty, but the crowd was only focused on punishing the woman 🤔). Even The Lord's own Mother was suspected of infidelity/fornication well into His adulthood. But God's call was more important than appearances.

Anyways.... I could go on, but I'll stop there. My point is that Jesus routinely broke the "rules" when it came to His dealings with women. Yet our current church culture seems bent on maintaining rules so we can have the appearance of Godliness. But God has called us to obedience over appearances.

Sounds like you want good things in a Lady 👍. Figure out your calling and seek that above all else, you will likely meet her in the trenches. Perhaps a grittier church in an area where sin abounds would be a good fit for you, I find there's usually more freedom there. Light shines brightest in the darkness!

Anyways, all the best in your search. I think you'll find her when you aren't looking too hard though. And you raise an interesting point about "Jesus is my Husband" being off-putting... perhaps I will start a thread about that when I have more time. 😎👍

Since what I am about to ask pertains to the OP, I thought I would ask everyone (I really appreciate everyone who has opined thusfar, I have had a lot upon which to ruminate), what about liking really dark characters?

I will give some examples,
I prefer immensely Sauron and The Witchking of Angmar to Gandalf and even Aragorn/Elessar.
In Star Wars I prefer the Sith which you know what is creepy, the Order Palpatine gives to wipe out the Jedi is 66 (exactly how many books are are in Protestant Bible), The Sith are always two, Jesus sent them out two by two, Sith is a old english word for journey from a prayer, "Christ's Sith of Suffering and Sorrow." Jedi means beloved in Hebrew, fro Jedidiah (beloved of Jehovah), but they are detached people who do not love but lived like Vulcans..
I preferred Jafar in the OG Aladdin
Scar in the Lion King to Mufasa.

What about these dark attractions in fiction? I hear a lot tender hearted people play bad guys, like the actors who played The Predator Alien and Lurtz The Uruk Hai in The Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring. The idea is its cathartic, you get to play something you would never be in real life. Though the King James Bible has version that says, "do not even do the appearance of evil." (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Granted I can only find that translation in KJV and NKJV, the others say, "do not do evil." There is a real difference between appearance thereof and doing evil; one is way broader in prohibitive sense.

I have always had an attraction to the dark side of human nature.

A lifetime ago, I wanted to be a clinical psychologist that specialized in abnormal and criminal psychology. This was thwarted in part by my unwanted divorce (I quit school to work full-time,) but looking back, I doubt I could not have held that career for very long.

But the pull towards trying to understand why people snap has never gone away.

I've mentioned being part of a ministry that wrote and and visited prison inmates. During that time, I wrote to one who, in my elementary opinion, had all the makings of a serial killer. By his own admission, he started out torturing animals, then worked his way up to human beings. But the way he got there was gut wrenching.

From the time he was a toddler, he was bounced between two different households. In one he was being severely beaten throughout the week (with a Christian-claiming parent choosing to look the other way,) and on the weekends, he was being severely sexually abused by a deranged man and his posse, whose main turn-on was violence.

In the 1990's, there was a show called Forensic Files, with the classic narration of Peter Thomas. I've listened to nearly every episode, and there are some cases I've listened to several times. I still listen to crime podcasts now and then.

One thing I never understood was that serial killers often had a sexual connection to suffering and death. I always wondered, how on earth could anyone connect two things that, to a normal person, seem like night and day? But as this inmate wrote to me about his story, I finally saw a glimpse of the connection.

Imagine, from the time you can walk, being severely abused by people who are extremely violent towards you-- and turned on by it. And not only are they regularly perpetrating violence, but sexual abuse gets added into the mix. Over and over again, there is a mix of sexual feelings, violence, and response.

I've often wondered if God restricts sex to marriage because it seems that human sexuality gets associated most with the very first things it is exposed to and repeatedly paired with. Once someone has their sexuality associated with a pattern, it seems nearly impossible to break. God meant for this association to be with the love between spouses and their love for Him. But everything goes haywire when other things are thrown into the mix.

This guy explained that for him, violence and sex were intertwined. He didn't spell it out but you could also discern that even from childhood, while these things were happening to him, including sexual abuse, he would fantasize repeatedly about seeking revenge on and ending his abusers. He got to a point where he didn't think about sex and violence separately, but always together, and he said that it eventually turned into an urge he couldn't resist (just like sexual feelings in most people.) He had a long history of violently attacking people in prison, often to a point of no return (leaving things like permanent brain damage.) The more violent the encounter, the more he was drawn to it.

And he was only about 33 when he wrote me these things.

But he also still had the side of him that could sound like a very hurt little boy that said he wished he could take it all back and he just needed to be loved, and that's what drew people to him.

Why am I interested in this?

Because I have had women in my real life, often at my workplaces, tell me things like, "I don't understand why he doesn't kiss me or tell me he loves me during sex. He chokes me instead."

And I tell them, "Because, honey, somewhere along the line, he learned to be turned on by violence and feeds off fear, helplessness, and control over another human being. Please. Get Away. From. This Person." But it's almost never as easy as the person (too much fear of being alone, fear for kids when involved, legal and money troubles, having the abuse escalate and being threatened, etc.)

How much can the human psyche take? Where is the line where sanity finally snaps? How can determine who can be turned around, if it's not too late? And how do we do that?

And yes, God forgives, and God can change people, but some people will not change, and all you can do is keep them away from other people. I always look at it as, "Yes, that person can say they are born again. But would I trust that person to live next to you or your most vulnerable friends and family, etc. and trust that they would not become victims? I know in most cases, I wouldn't.

In this lifetime, there are always more questions than answers.

But I keep trying striving to ask, seek, and knock -- hoping it will help someone, because thousands of people are trapped in situations exactly like this inmate and are being molded into conditions that society is not prepared to handle.

I’m a widow and have not remarried. Will not either. I need to keep the memory of true love alive, and the darkness in others and myself make me think it’s better to think of love with fondness than with fear. The best way to do that is to think of that beautiful thing you had, because that was your precious moment of love in this world.

I think wanting to discover the difference between the two is a normal curiosity that most Christians have.

Perhaps you like the villains in these movies because people might not think that being the good guy is fun anymore and I understand Hollywood has been pushing this mindset by promoting the villains and making the heroes look generic. While In reality, it's the opposite it is we who are unique and them who are generic. As they become more evil they become more alike. Other times people think it's cool to be able to do whatever they wanted If they were the villain. Or perhaps you've never met a real wicked person before because I can tell you they're not as much fun as Hollywood makes them out to be. Most days crazy would describe their mindset. But the truth is nothing in their lives goes right for them. All their days are thistle and thorns. If you see what true villains turn out to be not one person would want to be that.

@SirSolaScriptura I agree with @Daisy2 that it would be good to poke into why you're drawn to these characters, it might help you learn more about yourself.

Perhaps Gandalf reminds you of an authority figure who appeared "good" but did not always treat people right (of course we like our movie heroes to be infallible, be we all know that is ridiculous). Maybe you are drawn to the witch kings power over Gandalf, showing the he is indeed vincible.

My favorite LOTR character was Gollum. Not because he was "bad", but because he was complicated and conflicted. Sam's treatment of him struck me as self-righteous and made me angry, but of course we know Sams' main objective was to protect Frodo and the Ring. However, a truly redeemed Gollum would have been a great help in that endeavor. But as @seoulsearch was saying, it can be hard to tell who has truly changed and won't return to their old ways. It does happen though.... Saul had some 'splainin to do but eventually the apostles accepted him in spite of his murderous past.

I'm drawn to true crime, serial offenders in particular. Not because I approve of what they are doing, but because I want to know why they would do it. Often, as @seoulsearch was saying, there is horrific abuse in their past. Of course that doesn't excuse the atrocious crimes they commit. But it can help us see a glimpse of the broken human behind the crimes.

As a side note, you seem VERY drawn to symbolism. It's not a bad thing, The Bible uses a lot of symbolism and I use it a lot myself in my creative pursuits. But you do need to be careful with it. Focusing on it too much can alter your perception of reality, to the point where you can't see anything for what it truly is, but rather what it could possibly represent. Sometimes an apple is just an apple, you can eat and enjoy without seeing it as a reminder of man's fallen state 😉🍎.

Disclaimer: Yes, I know the Bible doesn't specify what kind of fruit represented the knowledge of good and evil. No, I don't particularly think it was an apple. I was just using a metaphor. 😊

I had a breakthrough.. I was watching a series that had magic, Merlin and Morgan Le Fey in it, so its expected, and for first three episodes, the magic was generalized like Star Wars's The Force, and Narnia, good and bad, and it was showing the dark magic has a cost, does not give you what you want, and is evil. Well in episode 4, they had a real occultic circle, with more symbols then the pentagram than I recognize and in the scene the demonic was evidently felt.. led to a night terror and so I am done with watching stuff that does not edify,
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things." (Philippians 4:8).

I have been ignoring the signs. When I watch a certain series of Horror films, my car always gets damaged, breaks down, tire goes flat, and etc. How long can I be stubborn and not see doors have been opened? I know better is what is worse, I have been trained in Deliverance Ministry, and I did a pendulum swing the other way, tired of being told, "beware," and now I am seeing without that influence, without anyone saying "don't," the fruit of this and it is rotten...

I feel like Augustine of Hippo, who knew he was having major Call of God, and kept putting it off. I have watched all the men in my family be drawn to the dark and led astray from "the upward call in Christ." (Philippians 3:14). I am finished bargaining with stuff that attracts me and entertains me.. as it is written, "you cannot eat at the table of demons and the table of the Lord," sure in context that is about making friends, but its apt to apply broadly, that ultimately you have to decide.. Jesus does not like Lukewarm, "I would rather you be hot or cold, the lukewarm I spew out of my mouth." (Revelation 3:16). While I am not claiming watching dark entertainments is on the level of doing occultic stuff, the truth is what we see does effect us, "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, " your whole body will be full of light." (Matthew 6:22).

I see now the dark attractions had a lot of do with family, many family members were into these movies and shows, and dated people who were not of the Kingdom. So from youth it saturated me in the kingdom of shadow. The Lord was good though, he gave me a parent on fire for the Lord, mentors in Church who led me, and etc. I need to stop playing on the fence, and stop backslidding.. thank you all for letting me work this all out here, and if you prayed for me, grazie!

Dear, Peace is a gift that comes alongside salvation. Jesus says my Peace I leave with you. John 4:27. Please whatever you are convicted you are supposed to have in Christ that you can not have please dear, pray and ask God and He will give you.

You Got me all smily. Thank you Jesus. See how good our God is. More Grace brother

I was born into a Christian home. At 14 I got saved. I spent much of my teens trying to form Christian bands, bible studies, church, Christian friends, being very outspoken about my faith in high school and anywhere I went, had considered being a pastor, youth pastor or in prison ministry. Spent some time in the youth group praise and worship band, became a leader at one youth group, started going to a separate youth group and was made a leader there as well. Not to mention regular church services. I could probably go on but you get the idea.
So im not ignorant of biblical teachings.
About a year before I got saved my depression kicked in. That's when I was 14, I'm now 49.